Just to let it out...

I have managed to score 2 more job interviews for 2 very different job positions.



I feel like I am now in the same position I was in 3 years ago, picking between Interior Design and Baking, except this time, it's between Interior Design (again) and Food Writing. It's only the interview, so nothing has been confirmed yet.



I have been contemplating whether or not a career in the Interior Design industry is the right one for me for a very long time, 3 years in fact, right after I left the army. It has never been a passion but an obligation when it came to Interior Designing, obligated to that $7000 Diploma my parents had to pay for me, which I'm slowly paying back through my CPF at a glacial pace of $110 every month, every time I'm in the Interior Design industry, I always end up questioning my decision to return to it.



I have managed to develop a genuine interest in the field and I am very enticed by the commission scheme so many of this Interior Design firm has to offer.

"It normally takes a year for a Sales Designer to be able to afford a car."

That was what a senior designer from ID3 told me, only a year. When he told me that, I just imagined myself driving into camp during my next reservist with my own car, how convenient it would be to just go home after my duty ends and return before my next duty starts, speaking of which, I have to go back for reservist in August again, that's just great, just 4 months after I had completed my last High-Key I get another call up, my camp is really making full use of all the ICT Personnel.



I digress.




When I went for my first Interior Design job, the other guy who came into the company the same time as me did not have any Interior Design background, no degree in the field, nothing, he was fresh out of the army like I was and every time I had doubts about the job, I would ask him...

"Is this job something you plan to do in the long run?"

... and he would always tell me it was, he didn't tell me it was something he was passionate in, to him, it was just a job. Out of the 4 of us who entered the company at the same time, 2 girls, him and myself,  the 3 of us who are trained in Interior Design, who either have Diploma of a Professional Certificate, left the company and he was the only one who stayed till this day.



I entered the company 1 week before him and 1 week before the 2 girls joined us, that would have made me the most senior out of the 3 of them from our batch. Right now, he's probably a very experienced Interior Designer, with 3 years worth of Interior Designing work experience, he's probably considered one of the more senior designers in that company by now. There are moments when I would think, had I not had that itch to pursue baking as a career, would I have been able to stay in that company as long as he did and find the level of success he is probably experiencing right now, how much would I have earned by now and how busy would I be right now.



(Also important is  not being assigned to that 4 month old designer but to the lady boss herself like he was, I mean he was extremely lucky to be mentored by her, I think that's a huge reason why he was the only one who  actually stayed.)



Those thoughts are what is constantly making me look for careers in the Interior Design industry, every time I enter a new company, I would ask the designers who are around my age how many years they have worked in the industry.

"I have been with this company for about 2 years now"

"About 8 months."

"Less than a year"

And when I hear the way they talk to the customers, how knowledgeable they are about what they are selling, I can't help but feel envious and just think...

"That could have been me, had I not left the industry when I did 3 years ago, I would be in their shoes right now, equipped with an additional 2 years worth of experience."

It's that constant "What if ?" that drives me insane sometimes and it's that need to know what happens in that "What If ?" that made me want to work in ID4 for as long as possible.

I didn't want to quit and be left wondering "What if I had stayed" 2 years from now. I wanted to stay and learn because I was very willing to learn unlike 3 years ago when all I could think about was baking, I wanted to know where I will be at 2 years from now as an Interior Designer and not be left wondering. Getting fired 2 weeks into the job at ID4 bugs the hell out of me right now, now that I have spend 2 weeks at home thinking "What if I hadn't gotten fired?" 

Had I not gotten fired, I would have been their employee for a month now, I would be talking to customers right now, trying to clinch deals right now, doing up floor-plans and presentations, quotations and custom carpentry designs, going up to my trainer and asking her if what I had prepared is acceptable to be presented to a client I'm meeting tomorrow or a week from now, probably becoming good friends with my colleagues. Maybe all that is being too optimistic, but I would definitely be a lot more knowledgeable about the Industry right now had I not been fired.

What I really wanted was to work for at least a year or two in the industry, to become knowledgeable about the industry, to experience what it's like to handle a project, to be comfortable enough to talk to customers and confident enough to answer whatever questions they might have about renovation works. I wanted to get to that stage because that's where I would have been right now had I not left 3 years ago.

When I worked in the bakery, I was able to reach that stage of being efficient at what I do, just 3 months into the job and I didn't have to refer to the recipe book anymore, not because I had memorized the recipe willingly but because I had been doing it for so long it just became ingrained in my memory, when I first started, it took me a whole day to prepare just one recipe but as the months went by, I was able to triple my production speed, it wasn't as fast as my sous chef but I was able to meet the customer demands, that's the level I want to reach in my Interior Design career at ID4, to reach that stage where everything just becomes second nature, to look at a floor plan and be able to map out the space planning almost instantly, to know how much the renovation would cost just from a glance at the space planning, this isn't about being passionate, this is just me wanting to stop feeling like a newcomer and actually become an experienced designer so I can fully experience that "What if" scenario.

And now that I have that Writing interview coming up, I'm going to be presented with another 'What if" scenario if I actually choose to go for the Interior Design position instead and end up regretting it completely.




I came across the writing internship when I was still working at ID4 and it was during that period when I was just in a state of frustration, when all I was thinking of was "what have I gotten myself into again", it really felt like a wasted opportunity at that time because I was already working and then this internship offering shows up on Facebook.... and then shit happen, I got fired and was stuck in a quarter life crisis situation, I mean I'm still stuck in a quarter life crisis, until I can find a stable job, I shall diagnose myself as an individual suffering from quarter life crisis.