Botched

Today, I botched my Writing Internship Interview.



Google Maps and Gothere.sg has estimated that the travel time from my home to the office location would be about an hour long, so I left the house around an hour before the stipulated interview time and actually reached the office 15 minutes early.




They were having a meeting when I arrived so I ended up waiting for that 15 minutes till they were done and as soon as they were done, I  was ushered into their office by the Interviewer.




The office isn't necessarily huge, but it didn't have to be because rather than having individual work desk, everyone shared 2 long communal tables that extends almost the entire length of the room where they do their work, also in the office is a smaller breakfast/booze table that seats 4 people at the end of the office, it was a very open concept and my interview was carried out on that breakfast/booze table.


The interview starts with the typical "Introduce yourself to me." segment where I talked about myself, I talk about my diploma that carries zero value for this internship application, my careers in Interior Design and F&B, I talked about my lack of professional writing experience which was met with questions like...

"So what makes you want to write for our company?"

"Do you have any writing background? Have you written for you school publication before?" 

... I thought the interviewer would have read my blog before and gotten a grasp of my writing style from there, so I just told her my only writing experience was through my blog, telling her that my writing style is able to attract the readers to continue reading because of how simple it is, she was a bit confused because she has never read my blog, she didn't even know I had shared my blog URL with the company, the only website she had seen was my Interior Design Portfolio website, at this point, the boss who has been hovering beside us chimed in and went...

"You never read his blog? I got read his blog, he complains a lot about his bosses... but he can write."

*cue nervous laughter*

... I knew sharing the blog with them was a bad idea but I guess it was what got me the interview in the first place, so it was a necessary sacrifice, and then the interviewer went...

"Can I take a look at your blog? Do you have it with you now or...?"

I wanted to say No, to have her read it when I'm not around her, like maybe read it when you at home and have nothing to do, judge me at the comfort of your own home, away from me, but that wasn't possible because of course I have it with me now, it's on the internet.



 I had to give her a disclaimer and let her know it was full of profanity, she gave me a patronizing laugh as I typed in my blog address on my phone, tried to look for the most harmless post and showed it to her and as I watch her eyeballs darting from left to right to left to right, reading my post, I can't help but feel nervous as her expression started becoming more serious, so I looked outside and tried to enjoy the scenery until she was done reading.

I thought the post was harmless until I actually read it again after the interview was over, it wasn't a harmless post, it was a post about me talking about how I can sometimes tell if a job interview has gone south and then bitching and moaning about how companies should have the basic courtesy to let the people they have interviewed know if the job position has been filled, I still stand by that because basic courtesy, but it really wasn't the best post to have let the interviewer read. Now when I think back about letting her read that post, I feel a cringe coming over me.

She hands my phone back to me with this unimpressed look on her face and carries on with the interview. Who can blame her for being unimpressed, prior to her reading my blog, I was complimenting myself on how my writing can keep a reader hooked, she only reads a quarter of my post before handing the phone back to me, proving that wasn't true, people who write for a living probably find my writing style a mess, what I said to her is probably the equivalent of a home baker walking up to Pierre Hermé and telling him "I make amazing Macarons"

Also if someone I was interviewing for a job opening shows me what I had shown her, I would probably be scowling for the remainder of the interview, she wasn't though, she remained professional through out the interview and I'm not typing this out because she might be reading this post.

Oh, and at one point she asks me how well I can handle stress, so I told her about the stressful situation I was in when I was working in the Restaurant, and like an idiot, I didn't think it through because I quit the job when the stress got to me, that was how I handled that stress. That's one way to get hired for a job, let them know about your penchant to quit if the stress becomes too much to handle, although in my defense, it really was an extremely overwhelming situation.

The next portion of the interview consisted of a series of test that I pretty much screwed up completely.

"Can you come up with of a headline for an article about this Christmas Hamper?" *points to a generic looking Christmas Hamper on the table beside me*

My mind went completely blank, I had nothing, normally I would be able to come up with some stupid rhyming headline like "Christmas Hamper to Pamper Yourself" or "Last Minute Gift Ideas for Jesus" but I was just drawing a blank and after what felt like a decade of silence, gave the most "No Shit Sherlock!" headline ever.

"Christmas came early with Christmas Hamper"

The interviewer was obviously a bit underwhelmed by what I had came up, I made her wait for probably 30 seconds and that was all I could come up with, I was actually waiting for her to share what headline she would come up with, to compare how horrendously bad mine was and give me an example of what a seasoned journalist would come up with, but she never did and moved on with the next test...

"Can you share with me the latest food trends."

Once again, I drew a blank on this question, so I said "Rainbow Bagels and rainbow uhhh.....", I knew that was an old trend but it was something that consumers were still attracted to, I know because I had to bake so many fucking rainbow cakes before in the bakery.

I am a baker, not a foodie, so I really didn't know what the latest food trend in Singapore was, the melted cheese trend did cross my mind, but I thought it was a one time thing, after that whole raclette cheese saga that happen a few months back, I thought it became famous because of the controversy and not so much because of a food trend, but as it turns out, it is actually a food trend and was one of the answer the interviewer was looking for.

Next test, I was asked to talk about 3 different items..

1. What's the difference between Champagne and Sparkling Wine?

I really have no idea because I don't drink alcohol for leisure, so I talked about how one was a fruity desert wine while the other was better paired with savory food.


It was wrong, they are the same thing, the only difference is their name. This feels like a trick question though, it sounds like the kind of sarcastic answer a smart ass would give when asked a question like...

"What's the difference between Hitler and Jesus?"

And the smart ass would answer..

"Oh, their name. LOL!"

...and proceeds to get brutally beaten up by the Nun with a Jesus Loves Me Whip

Yes He Does....

But in this case, it really was the name difference, that was all. Sparkling Wines made in the region of Champagne in France is called Champagne, that's it, it's called that way because that's the name of the region in France it's made in, it's just Sparkling Wine trying to be cool and different.

2. What is Foie Gras?

I knew this so I answered correctly. I talked about how the practice was unethical and when asked by the interviewer if I would eat it after I had told her how horrible the practice was....

"Yeah, I ate it before"

3. What is Wagyu Beef and what makes it different from regular Beef?

I have heard of Wagyu but I think I might have confused it with Kobe Beef during the interview. I read somewhere that all Wagyu is Kobe but not all Kobe is Wagyu, but the answer she was looking for was the marbling of the beef.


I have eaten Wagyu before but I really couldn't taste the difference because it was all minced up in a lasagna, which I'm assuming is some sort of crime in the eyes of the Wagyu Beef Gourmet Association.

After the series of mini test where I was able to showcase how incompetent I was, the interviewer proceeded to talk to me about the job scope, asking me if I was comfortable going for food tasting alone, travel overseas alone, talking to media companies alone, how long I could work for them as an intern and everything she said sounded pretty amazing, except the alone parts, but I already had a feeling that I was never going to hear from them again so I didn't voice my concern about having to do all those things alone.




I'm not the only person they are interviewing for the Internship position, I'm sure there are going to be individuals who are infinitely more qualified then me, like Mass Communication students, real Foodies, real Foodies who studied Mass Communication, who have applied for the position as well, and at this point, I would honestly be surprised if I actually do hear back from them next week.