Bad Baking Day.

At last I've watched the Hunger Games in theaters.

That's dedication. I've never watched a movie so early into it's release date before. Every time a scene pops out, I feel oddly superior to the audience who've never read the book before because I know things that they don't know about, like how they have a mole on the back of their neck.



I mean the books will always be superior to the movies. It's nice that there were some overzealous Caucasians in the audience member to prove my point, they are probably toned down version of what you'd get in their country. By my point, I mean knowing things that only readers of the book would know about in the movies because they didn't really explain some of them... like how the dogs at the final battle scenes were actually created using the dead tributes. Bet non-readers didn't know that, unless you read it on Wikipedia.



I'm feeling like those annoying people that you go watch movies with, who tells you things like...

"They die at the end, and then the bird comes and takes a poop on their head before flying off... and at the end they resurrect because... well I don't want to spoil anything for you so I'm just going to tell you this much."..... *whispers* "...because the shit was Phoenix shit."


Of course I wasn't spoiling the movie for my friend who went with me. I had a lot of self control.



It was a good movie, only because I was expecting a lot more since I've actually read the book first. To a normal person who hasn't it would probably be a lot better for them than for me. Jennifer Lawrence was a plus for me.

Gonna read Winter's Bone first before watching that movie because even though Jennifer Lawrence is acting in it, my attention span only last so long. If there's no action going on my mind just switches off and I will start surfing Youtube while the movie's playing in the background. Listening to "Gee" and trying to watch a sad movie is very confusing for the mind indeed.  I have to actually find the book first and that's gonna be hard.




Anyways.


Tried to do some baking today and I have to say today was not a good day to bake.


First was Macarons, making Macarons is like doing Pull Ups, it needs to be done constantly because if you don't, you're gonna forget how to do it and you're gonna have to repeat the whole process again.


My macarons today came out really well, with the shiny shells and perfect feet, the only problem was that I baked them on aluminium foil because I ran out of baking paper which really pissed me off. I only realize I had ran out of baking paper after measuring my almond and icing sugar mixture and combining them, I didn't bother to sift them because there's no point, the shells are probably gonna get stuck to the foil anyway, so I just made the batter and piped them and they actually came out really good, and even more surprising was that some of them managed to survive the extraction process from the aluminium foil.


So I transferred the shells onto a napkin after pairing them up for sandwiching later, because I didn't want to clean another plate afterwards and as I was transferring the shells into the fridge so I can go and look for a butter-cream recipe to make, the tip of the napkin that I was holding on to was wet, so it tore like millimeters away from my finger grip and the shells came crashing to the floor, all 20 of them.


Bloody hell.


Had to sweep them all up and throw them away afterwards. If I was working in Pierre Hermes, that would probably equate to about 1/2 of my salary gone. Probably like 1/10 of the deducted pay for the Macarons and 9/10 of it for showcasing sheer stupidity in attempting to transfer the shells to the fridge on a piece of wet napkin that will obviously tear. Well it wasn't wet like how throwing toilet paper into the toilet bowl and watching it absorb water before peeing into it and tearing it into bits with the pressure... just slightly damp but apparently too wet to support the Macaron shells.



A few moments later I decided to make some cookies, and I realize I didn't have any brown sugar, so I tried to make cupcakes, and realize I didn't have any milk, because I was really thin and my breast weren't big enough for milking. Went to the mini mart beneath my condo and got brown sugar because the cupcakes were my second option.


I made Cookies in the past and they always flatten, which is kinda ironic because that was what I wanted my Macarons to do, stay flat, during my Macaron Failing days but they always rose. So I thought, since I have mastered Macarons, Cookies should be pretty easy.



NO~! THE FUCKING BUTTER CAUSED EVERYTHING TO FLATTEN!


My butter was too soft and it caused the cookie batter that I used a ice cream scoop to measure out to deflate in the oven. I knew something was wrong when the cookie batter started sweating oil in the oven. It was terrible because afterwards it became lava cake, which tasted delicious but I couldn't enjoy because it was flat on the baking try and I couldn't transfer it to a cup without destroying the whole thing. It was a demoralizing day for baking.

Cheesecake...Mmmm~

I don't normally eat cheesecake but I enjoy eating this one from Allan Bakes.

Captain Obvious : "It's A Strawberry Cheesecake" 

It's actually really good, you don't really get the cheese taste but you get the cheesecake texture. I don't really know how normal cheesecake's suppose to taste like, I mean me telling you how a good cheesecake should taste like is like a blind guy telling you how to do shading.


But this cheesecake is really good. (Feel like I need to do a disclaimer because the expression was a very bad one) Plus I'm putting the picture up because it looks really professional so I'm really proud of it... with a little help from Instagram.



There's really nothing much to update lately.  I actually wanted to blog about a particular situation that's been getting on my nerve lately, but I guess I have lost touch in ranting about them.


But here's a short version.


I have this friend in camp that likes to take jabs at me, and in the past I will do the same. Like insults that don't really mean anything, and I'm really fine with that because sometimes it's fun... and sometimes I really want to kill him


What I don't find fun is when a third party that I'm not very close to decides that taking jabs at me would be a great way to "break the ice" with me.

Oh NO~! You DI'INT~!

Taking jabs at me and hoping that I will still be your friend is only applicable to people whom I am ACTUALLY friends with. Taking free jabs at me makes me feel like a cheap whore and I'm not a cheap whore... you have to pay me first before you can take jabs, and by pay I mean becoming my friend because I'm not THAT cheap. 

So that's what's been bugging me lately. And also to have a crappy gif to go with my amazing photograph of my cheesecake.

UPDATE
I don't blame the person who's doing it. I blame the person who started it. 

Okay. Seriously the person who's pissing me off is actually my friend the jabber himself. I only come to this realization after actually speaking the that person who was taking free jabs at me. I'm slow like that. I don't mind jabs, but attempting to start every single conversation with a jab is just fucking annoying.

Everytime he initiates a conversation...

"Oi Oi Oi.... Sleep sleep sleep. Other than sleep what else you know how to do."


It doesn't sound annoying but it gets annoying, especially when you are trying to have a proper conversation and that shit starts to happen.


What pisses me off is the fact that because he's constantly doing it, other people seem to think that it's okay for them to do it as well. That's why the other person started taking jabs at me as well. And the reason why the other person is taking jabs at me is because whenever I'm alone with him, it's mainly just awkward silence, so he was probably using that as an ice breaker... only problem is that the only thing he's breaking is my tolerance level towards my friend.

Freaking Old.

I'm 22.

My Mum bought me awfully chocolate Banana Cake. My friends bought me Bakerzin Chocolate Cake. I guess chocolate cakes are the default choices for my birthday cakes.  

22 Years Old

I have been waiting for a new SNSD video to come out from The Boys album, but they are churning out videos from their Japanese Album instead.  Well 2NE1 is good too so I shall put the video up, plus I've been pressing repeat a lot of times on the video it's only right for me to share the music so it gets stuck into everyone's head.

It's sad when the music you start listening to are all in another language because when it really gets stuck in your head, and after a long time when you have stopped listening to it and the tunes suddenly gets into your head again, you can't even google the lyrics to find out what song it is.

Well a few days ago I had a small birthday get together with some Polytechnic friends to celebrate a friend's birthday and mine as well. I had completely forgotten about the dress code so I went in what I was most comfortable in. Just barely enough so I won't get caught by the police for indecent exposure

Had lunch at a little restaurant called Bistro Du Vin.

Look, it's me arms. 

Ordered the 3 course meal, which I always enjoy. 

Serrano Ham with Melon.

Norwegian Baked Salmon with Prawns.

Creme Brulee

The Serrano Ham with Melon was awesome because I love me some Serrano Ham and Melon. I don't know how to eat it so I just wrapped the ham around the melon and ate it, which I'm not sure whether is the correct method or not but I shall assume it is. 

The Salmon I think was good? I think because I can't judge a salmon dish without being biased. There was a time in my life when Salmon was on the dining table almost everyday for lunch and dinner, I thought I was going to have a collagen overdose. I actually wanted the lamb shank but I didn't want to pay an extra $6 because I'm cheap like that, and the other options were Chicken, which is like a staple food in the Army for some reason, when I see chicken, be it fried, steam or seared in my army ration box, it's always left alone, the poor chicken died without serving the purpose humans gave it, and steak which like the salmon, I have been eating a lot recently.

The reason I ordered the salmon over the steak was because the steak overdose is more recent than the salmon overdose. I know I sound like some rich brat who's complaining about having too much good food but people have to realize I'm grilling my own steak so it's not as good as one might expect a steak to be, many times it's cooked unevenly.

Grill marks always make the steak look so much better than it looks.

The Creme Brulee was awesome. I like the Creme Brulee very much. 

Making Creme Brulee would help me sin less because every time I make Macarons, I will throw the egg yolk away because no one wants to eat fried egg yolk.  I have all the ingredients needed for making Creme Brulee except the key tool, which is a blow torch to caramalise the sugar and burn down the house at the same time. I have vanilla beans my Mum bought from Dubai, I have cream, I can always make Meringue so I always have egg yolks available, I even have vanilla sugar but no blow torch. 

After lunch was the cake cutting ceremony, chocolate cake from Bakerzin. I hate Bakerzin Chocolate Cakes because they have a lot of cream and very little sponge which I really hate in cakes nowadays. And their cakes are like the faces of girls nowadays, a lot of make up, shit load of cocoa powder, which is fucking bitter, I ended up not eating a lot of it, which I shouldn't have because it's half my birthday cake. The best birthday cake one can get is still from Angie The Choice. Their cake is awesome, fluffy and moist with soft and delicious whipped cream.

Modern looking cake are like the current generation of singers, they only look good. After that was a visit to an art gallery. I know it sounds really pretentious but we didn't plan to go there specifically to see art pieces, we didn't have anything else to do.

"Oh yeah, when we have nothing else to do, we go art galleries and enrich ourselves with art works."

Macaron

My Obsession with Macarons have returned!

A few months back I had this brilliant idea of making Macarons, seeing that all it needed was some egg white, a bit of almond powder and a lot of sugar, I thought it couldn't be too difficult. 

And I couldn't have been more wrong. One should never judge a recipe's simplicity by the number of ingredients required. 

But it turns out the only reason why my macarons failed so terribly was because I wasn't as good at beating egg whites with my barehands as I thought I would. Even though my forearm was violently shaking after making the egg whites as stiff as I possibly could, they still weren't up to standard, then I found out the reason I couldn't make it stiff was because I was wearing too much clothes. 

But then my Mum bought a hand mixer and my life changed forever. 

By my life I mean the macarons because have you seen the first picture. It's gorgeous, no where as good as Pierre Herme but this is not about his macaron. It's about mine.

Anyways....

Recipe can be found here. David Lebovitz

Process... 

Tablespoon and Diabetes mixture.

So what you have to do first is mix the Chocolate Powder, Powdered Sugar and Almond Powder together. Mix all the powdered stuff together, throw in a bit of heroin if you are planning to sell this to people and want them to get hook on your macarons. 

Humpty Dumpty didn't fall. Humpty Dumpty got his skull smashed against a marble tabletop.

Crack an egg, like the one above if you are as skilled and as lazy as me. I can't be bothered to transfer the yolk from shell to shell so I just tore it a new hole and let the egg white slip through the slit. 

You have to make sure the egg is as oil free as possible and if you are like me and have the cure to a drought in your hands, this is a good method. Of course there's always the possibility that the egg yolk will get pierced by the shell but if that happens just wash the bowl, dry it and use another egg. If you don't mind wasting food just throw it away, it's not like the kids in Africa are starving. There mustn't be any egg yolks in your whites because they are cock-blockers, the whites won't get stiff with yolks present.

Egg White in China

+

Sugar (With a Vanilla Pod in the middle just like Nigella's sugar)

+

Whipping action from a Hand Mixer and not your hand whisking the egg white manually because they will shake violently and then drop off from your shoulders.

=

Snow~!  Just pour in on the floor and have your kids make snow angels in them, and then throw your kids in the oven and you will have a Baked Alaska with Children Center

Stiff Peaks! Egg whites get really turned on when they are being whisked without yolks present. Just them, their hand mixer and a bit of sugar.

Snow and Diabetes Mixture

Next is macaronage. I like how mixing dry ingredients to wet ingredient has it's own name in macron making. So pretentious. But it's a skill and I have to admit I have not mastered it yet because I have no idea what mastering it means. You have to watch videos like me to learn how to do it properly, I watch a lot of macaron  making video and every time after watching finish the video I will try and make it myself, fail and then have to clean up my failure by eating all the macaron shells, which is like eating 2 cups of sugar. 

I admit it, I've been eating 2 cups of sugar, 1 egg white and 1/4 cup of almond powder everyday when I'm having an obsession episode.

Macaronage till it resembles lava.

That's what a lot of blogs say, till it reaches the consistency of lava. Because everyone who has ever baked has put a spatula in lava and stirred it around a bit before. So I shall offer a better advice. Just make sure it's like lava and you are fine.

OMFG IT'S A POCONG!

Fill it in a piping bag, or if you are cheap like me, just use a baking sheet and twist it till it resembles like the one above, cut a hole and pipe them on the baking sheet. 

POCONG has hidden treats if you squeeze it real hard. 

I actually eyeballed the piping sizes so they are of various sizes. Not too different so I'm really proud of myself and shall pad myself at the back.

Good job! Good job!

And when you bake the treats, they become....

Throw them in the oven at 160 degrees C and bake for 15 minutes. I have a really small oven so I could only make a small batch. If you have a huge oven then congratulations, you can make yourself a Baked Alaska with Children Centered goodness.

Macarons with Peanut Butter.

Has feet, relatively smooth shell. It's an improvement from before. Now I don't have to spend $1.60 to eat one. I can just spend 1 hour to make 9 pieces.

R.I.P Whitney

One of my favourite duets. When both of them still had their powerful vocals. 

My iPhone 4S Arrived.

Got me iPhone a few days back and the excitement didn't last long because I didn't realise that getting an iPhone would cost me so much problems.

Insert iPhone Photo Here. Error. File Could Not Be Found. I don't have any other camera to use except the one on my iPhone, and I open a portal to have the camerea from the iPhone's back take a picture of the iPhone.So Imma just gonna slap one iPhone picture from the internet.

I bought the same case, plus my iPhone is white so it looks the same.

It's no secret that Army Personnels can't bring camera phones into their camps, and being a law abiding soldier that I am, I have to switch my phone to a non-camera phone that supports a normal sim card.



Singtel issues every iPhone with a little accessory known as a Micro-Sim adaptor and it looks something like this...

Micro-Sim Adapter

And because I had to switch to my non-camera phone, I went ahead and used the Adapter, only to realise it got stuck in the Sim card slot.  I managed to remove the Adapter from the sim slot after much struggle and it came out looking like this....

Nail clipper also guilty.

I had no choice, had to use a nail clipper and pull the adapter out and I really tried to control my strength when I was clipping the piece of plastic. It still came out looking like that. 

And the culprit is because of those two little handles that's suppose to hold on to the Sim Card. Now that's a fucking stupid design because the Sim Adapter's...haiz, because I'm too lazy to explain in words, in order to let people understand what I mean, I have done a little photoshop drawing of what went down in my Non-Camera's Phone Sim Card Slot.

But first a picture of my Army Phone's slot that got so terribly violated by the Sim Card Adapter.

Although there are no physical bruises, she's still pretty traumatized about the whole thing, especially by the fact that her owner was the one who help shoved it in.

So that's the Sim Card slot and below is the diagram of how the whole ordeal looked like from the side.

It got stucked inside the phone, which freaked me out and I actually managed to pull it out once, but to make sure the first time wasn't a fluke, I shoved it in again, which was bloody stupid because it turned out the first time really was a fluke.

The first time only the top part got a little chipped, the second time deformed the top part of the adapter and broke the bottom part. 

And I had no choice but to go get another phone for army use. And I got the Nokia X1-01

Why did I get the Nokia X1-01?

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 BECAUSE 

IT HAS A SCISSOR STYLED SIM CARD NOT JUST ONE BUT TWO DOOR.

Which meant that it won't get stuck.

But then I wanted to try one more method and make my own Adapter because since I already know the flaws I should be avoiding, plus there are dozens of online websites teaching people about making their own MicroSim Adapter, I thought why not.

  And it worked! Albeit much uglier looking but it worked because it fits the MicroSim perfectly, which had to be hold on with tape.

That happiness was short lived because after that, I realised I just wasted $68 on a brand new phone. I have no idea why but iPhone doesn't want to share the contacts with the Sim Card, because Sim Card no contact, had to personally key in contacts into the new phone as well.