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Zo has decided to call things off and I cannot say I am surprised by this turn of events..

When I went on my first date with Zo back in July, he had shared with me his then current relationship status with his ex, which were that they had broken up, but it wasn't through a mutual agreement, instead, Zo had come to that conclusion because his ex hadn't reached out to him for 2 months after Zo expressed his desire to take a break due to some disagreement they had.

It didn't really made much sense at that time because I always felt like the responsibility to reach out fell on Zo since he was the one who requested to take a break, and not his ex, but then again, the fact that his ex didn't reach out for that 2 months was also telling of how he felt, so anyways, I didn't want to question him too much and just accepted it for what it was.

We went on a few dates, I think the latest one was when we both got a bit more vulnerable with each other and I honestly felt closer to him because of it, we spoke on quite a few topics and one of them was about his ex,  I shared with him my thoughts on his situation with his ex, and how I personally felt like the both of them didn't really get proper closure from it, and maybe that chat was what drove him to have a proper chat with his ex to officially end things once and for all.  

After he officially broke up with his ex, I think that was when reality started to set in for him because it finally became real, it was no longer just an assumption he had made on his end in his head, he couldn't take it back anymore, compared to the past where he could have just decided he wanted to get back with him and then take it all back since everything was all in his mind.  

He officially broke up with his ex, and then decided to also break it off with me. I can't say that we really together in the first place, what we had felt more like a situationship, we were getting to know one another but never wanting to take the next step and never putting a label on ourselves, I guess a part of me always felt like there was always something missing between us that prevented us from developing any further, that being said, I will still treat this as a relationship just so I can finally get rid of my "Evergreen" status.

I have never really seen Zo as a serious romantic partner, I liked the idea of  him as a partner because he is a very considerate and sweet individual, but I have never been attracted to him physically, so whilst it is somewhat of a bummer that this is the end of whatever we had, I also feel a sense of relief that we never went beyond whatever we had going on because it would have felt inauthentic to me. I know how it feels to be attracted to someone, I have felt that infatuation very strongly before and it just doesn't really exist for Zo. We both entered whatever we had going on with a lot of emotional baggage from our last dating experience/relationship, so it was never really going to work out in the end either way. 

It is still saddening that whatever we had has come to an end because it was nice having the daily text messages back and forth with him, and the almost weekly meet ups that we had where we were able to visit a new cafe or eatery. I even got a new sling bag last week from Mopak and was so excited to use it for future dates with him because the Uniqlo one that I had been using was looking really cheap, but sadly, that is no longer gonna happen. We did express our desire to still keep in touch and continue meet up as friends, but the truth is I don't really think that will actually happen, he needs time to process his feelings and I think and once enough time has pass between us, we will just eventually become each other's afterthought.

I have been matching with profiles since the middle of last year and so far, I have only been able to find 2-3 people whom I have rapport with, and one of them is Zo, so the thought of having to sift through so many profiles to be able to find someone new all over again honestly sounds like such an exhausting experience.

Anyways, I am gonna be going on a 4 day 3 night cruise next Tuesday with my company, so there is at least something else to look forward to in the foreseeable future! Just sucks that I won't have his daily chats to look forward to anymore.