Spend the start of 2021 going out to watch a movie with a friend.
Prior to the movie, we had Five Guys at Plaza Singapura and I have always wanted to try Five Guys ever since I learn that we could add bacon into the milkshake they had, so I added Bacon, Bananas and Peanut Butter and it was quite a nice combination, in fact I think I have had this combination in a burger before so I already know it works.
The milkshake itself was on the pricey side at $10 a cup and the burgers were about $13 if I remembered correctly, we also ordered a small side of fries to share and they were all good, but the only downside is that they are quite expensive, it's about the same as shake shack in terms of quality and price, good but quite expensive for fast food.
I use to see Five Guys all over New York and Washington but never went to actually patronize the place before, there was literally one Five Guys across the hotel I stayed in at Washington and it's so weird how I never felt the need to pay a visit to the fast food joint once. I guess it is because there were so many just plastered around New York and Washington that it just felt too "mainstream" to go visit, so my Sister and I just never really bothered, plus the interior always looked very bathroom like to me.
Sigh, googling Five Guys New York just makes me want to go back to New York again, even though it has already been more than a year, looking at old pictures still invokes a bit of post travel blues. That being said, and this whole Covid situation aside, I don't think I can even afford another trip to New York anytime soon because my savings has dropped to really dangerous amounts over the past few days.
I use to have a relatively steady five figure amount in my account at all times, and that amounts has been falling at a relatively slow pace for the past 4 years ever since I started my career as a Sales Designer, but it has never really affected me as much as it did during the past few days.
My personal threshold for how low I am willing to let my savings in my account go is pretty much as long as it is within a five figure range.
During the start of my career, right after I left my Dad's company, I told myself it always has to stay within $30,000 because that was roughly how much I had at that time, and if I wasn't making a lot of money because of the nature of my job, I would at least like to keep the savings consistent and don't drop beyond that.
During the initial few months, it did go below $30,000 but then I had a few projects that I manage to complete within the first 8 months on the job and the commission from those helped me get the figure back to the $30,000 mark, it was slightly below what I originally had but I figured I was still new and being able to maintain that amount is what is important.
But those few projects left a fear in me after I realize how difficult project management really is and how difficult the homeowners can become, so I became a lot more selective with the clients I choose to work with.
The fear actually got worst the more projects I worked on because I got exposed to even more difficulties and problems, they were not any easier or any harder to deal with, they were just different problems because aside from technical issues, I had to also deal with the "human" part of it, and it isn't easy because every homeowner is different, for every 2 amazing and wonderful clients I get to work with, there will always be 1 difficult one who will make me lose my appetite, make me have an acne breakout because of the stress, make me want to quit, like literally just quit on the spot and have my company deal with it, clients like Sly Fox, Lil' Bitch, The Antoinette's, J&J, and a handful that I have never given names to on this blog, and they are actually considered saints compared to the nightmares my colleagues have to deal with because they are not as selective as me.
As the years went by, the amount started to drop even more and at one point, I told myself as long as it doesn't fall below $20,000, I am good. It eventually went below the $20,000 mark and so I told myself, as long as it stays within the 5 figure mark, I am fine.
Then the New York trip happened, and even though my Sister actually sponsored quite a fair bit for me for the trip, the damage from the Air Ticket, the small hotel fee I decided to chip in and the general spending money I had taken out for the trip took a relatively huge dent in my savings, in the same year, I also decided to get a new computer and all those combined actually ended up taking 25% out from my savings.
Right after that, I started having tooth issues that I had to get fixed and that cost me a bomb, all the projects I was working on didn't earn me as much commission as I thought they would, so my savings never actually recovered and has been on a steady decline.
About a year ago, my insurance agent requested we meet again and he encourage me to sign a new savings plan and health insurance plan with him , I told him I will take the savings plan first, but I didn't want to add the health insurance yet because I was simply not earning enough, he told me he understands and hopes that by taking the savings plan now, it will force me to either work harder to earn more and recuperate the amount I have paid for the insurance, or find a more stable job. My goal at that time was to find a stable job so I told him that the saving plan actually "hurts" my bank savings quite a bit and would be motivation enough for me to find a new and much more stable job.
I never did, the interviews I went for all didn't work out, so I stayed at my current company, and it was mainly because I was very comfortable at my current company, which was not good at all for me.
Then a few weeks back, I met him again and he was surprised I was still at my current company, he asks me how I was financially and I was so embarrassed about my situation that I lied and told him I was earning a little more than I actually was. I told him I was earning about $2000 per month on average, but in actuality, I was only barely earning $1000. He knew I was in a pretty bad state, but he didn't know how bad it actually was, so when he suggested I sign on the new health insurance plan he had talked to me about a year ago, I was a little hesitant at first but for some stupid fucking reason, decided to just go ahead because I felt bad that he specially came to meet me and I didn't want him to go back empty handed. I was a fucking idiot.
The savings plan I had signed up for last year takes out $3000 annually, this new health insurance takes up $2000 annually, that means every year, I have to fork out $5000 for my insurance, and I am only earning less than $12000 a year.
Recently, my tooth started giving me issues again, so I had to pay the dentist another visit and get a crowning done, that has cost me 1$350.
I have not been paid a single cent last year because I wanted to wait for all my projects to be completed and get a big cheque at the end. Let's say I take it that the commission is what I made from January 2020 to December 2020, I would only be earning an average of $1000 every month.
But if I were to tabulate all the projects I have clinched purely from this year alone, I would only be making $5800 in commission. That is the equivalent to an average of 2 months salary for most of my peers, and that is my annual income, which means I am only earning about $480 per month.
My bank savings, after I paid for my insurance yesterday, has dropped to a measly $9000, that is dangerously low, what the actual fuck am I doing with my life, what have I been doing with my life.
Even though I am technically employed and working, I have allowed my initial $30,000 savings in my bank account drop to a measly $9000.
My bank savings should be increasing, not decreasing. I am already 30 years old, like what the actual fuck am I doing with my life. The realization that I do not have my shit together actually hit me really fucking hard after I realize my bank savings had dropped to a measly 4 figures.
I need a job with a stable income and I need that job now! I need to find a stable job in 2021, that is my New Year's Resolution and it is something I have to stick to, no more trying to make this current job work, I have had 4 years to "try and make it work", and it has obviously not worked out at all, I am simply not cut out for it!
I have already applied for a few job openings over the past few weeks, not really sure how long it will take for the company to process the applications, but they are all jobs with a stable income, no more "commission based" positions anymore. This is also one of the biggest reason why I turned down the job offer from the other design firm, it is just not viable anymore, especially at my age.
Well, this post has taken a turn, guess I will write a proper post about my New Year activity in the next one.
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