I'm now very much doubting my ability to do well in this field, spend the whole of yesterday sitting in the main office instead of the showroom and it felt so much more comfortable just being in a much larger space.
The showroom office is pretty much a claustrophobic nightmare, it's extremely small and it is suppose to fit 4 people in there, I cannot fathom how the senior designers are able to work in that space for months or years without going crazy, my last 3 days sitting in that space for 10 straight hours is almost enough to make me go insane, it's like I'm being punished and send to the naughty corner.
The main reason why I was even in the main office yesterday was because I had thought that my trainer would becoming in for work, she had told me that she wanted me to present to her a mock project on Tuesday, to treat her like how I would treat a client, but she was a no-show, so I just sat in the office from 11.00 am to 6.30 pm before making my way into the showroom office because my laptop's battery was dying.
I really wanted to talk to her yesterday as well and share with her my doubts about the job, I'm not sure how she will take it, I can see it going in 3 ways...
1. Rage
She would get angry that I have wasted the company's time and she will call the HR Personnel over to come deal with me, the HR Personnel will also get mad at me for wasting her time and then fire me right on the spot.
I will walk back to my area to collect my items as the in-house and senior designers look at me and judge my fickleness and when it gets too much, I will start shouting profanities at them, only to have the HR Personnel come up to me and scream at my face, drag me to the showroom and announce to the sales designers there that I am a quitter and will be leaving the company effectively immediately before kicking me out of the showroom in full force. I will then land on the floor and become a spectacle for all the shoppers.
2. Understanding
What I normally experience when I quit my Sales Designer positions. The both times I told them I wasn't comfortable with the position, the person in charge was nothing but nice and understanding.
They will bring me to a quiet area and hear my troubles, ask me if I had known what the job entails when I applied for the position, I will tell them it was different from what I had imagined in my head, then I will apologize profusely for wasting their time and then they will let me go on the same day.
The boss will tell me that the job is the way it is suppose to be, that I should stay for a few more months and try harder because it's only been a week and I'm already throwing in the towel.
So far I've only seen her for 3 days out of the 7 days I have worked there.
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I just feel really bad if I were to quit now because the HR Personnel on the first day was so nice to me, bringing me around the office and telling her colleagues like a proud parent...
"Hi, meet my new Sales guy."
Even the boss was nice to me, she is the only boss I've met who actually came up to me to shake my hand and welcome me to the company, all the other companies I've been to, it's always just...
"You can keep you bag there and wait for further instructions"
...or they don't even acknowledge me at all.
The sales designers there are aware that I am someone who is on the quieter side, one of them even asked me if I could excel at this job because of how reserved I am, she wasn't being sarcastic but actually genuinely curious if someone of my personality could do Sales and the only advice she could offer me was to "give it a try first".
I really don't know why I have put myself in this situation again. This is my third try and I'm still reaching the same conclusion as the previous 2 attempts, I really don't know where all that optimism about how "this could be different" comes from.
This will be the last and final try, if this still does't work out by the end of the month, if I still feel the same by the end of the month, then it's definitely not a good fit and I should really stop applying for sales position.
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