Car Rental for Tiles Collection

So I have been offered the Interior Stylist position and am very very likely going to be accepting the job offer, this means, the current 2 projects I am running now will be the very last 2 projects I will be running for my current company.

I have given the new company my starting date, which is 19th August, honestly not sure if that is even a realistic date for my projects to complete but there it is, I only gave them that date because I feel like giving a later one would probably make them retract the job offer. As it stands, being given this 2 months, I feel, is really generous of the company.

My projects are going as smoothly as they can go during this period, which is not at all, there are a few delays happening here and there due to workers going for their covid vaccinations as well as my tilers telling me very last minute about materials being insufficient.

They will tell me in the morning that they need something topped up, so I will immediately order for that item to be delivered the next day and the order will end up incurring a small order fee because it is a small order of 1 packet of cement. But then the very next day when I drop by the site, they will tell me another item needs topping up and they also need just 1 packet of that item.

....so another small order fee.

Anyways, yesterday, I was told that some tiles needed to be topped up, so I ordered those tiles immediately in the morning to make sure they could be delivered the next day. Late afternoon comes along and I drop by the site again to check on the progress and the tiler suddenly tells me..

"Actually the amount I ask you to top up for me is not enough, we need about 10 more pieces."

... I tired, but it was way too late to add that order in at that point for next day delivery, so I had no choice but to tell the tile supplier that I will do a self collection for those additional 10 pieces today.

I ask my supplier if I could get the tiles from their Showroom near my office, but she informs me that it has to be collected at their warehouse, so I went to take a look at where their warehouse was located and they had 4 different ones. One in the West and three in the East, the furthest one being at Changi, I then ask her if she could arrange for the collection to be at the West warehouse and she tells me she will check, but because I have been having really shit luck with these projects recently, of course the Warehouse I had to go to to collect the tiles is the one at Changi.

I know I am not going to take a bloody bus all the way there to collect the tiles and then take a bus back, the warehouse is located in the industrial area of Changi, there aren't a lot of public transport to take to get there, plus it's at bloody Changi, I really do not want to spend half the day travelling for 10 pieces of tiles, and with how hot the weather has been, that is crazy talk, so I rented a car.

To be honest, I was quite excited to have a legitimate reason to rent a car, haven't properly driven one in a while, so it took a while to get used to driving again, but thankfully because the car is the same model as the family car I used to drive last time before it was given to my brother, it didn't take too long to get familiarized with the vehicle.

The sheer convivence of having a vehicle is amazing. I get that Singapore is a small country and we have an amazing public transport system, but when I can do all the shit I had to do today under an hour and still stay relatively sweat free, that comfort and convivence is really hard to beat. 

If I hadn't rented a car, I would have had to take a 90 minutes train & bus ride to the Industrial area, walk a distant to reach the Tile Supplier's office to get the order sheet, walk probably another 15 minutes on foot to the actual warehouse to collect the tiles under the sweltering heat, and then walk back out again to take the bus, this time with the added weights of the tiles that I have to carry by hand because I can't fit it into my backpack, and endure another 90 minutes ride back to my project site that is in the West where I will have to keep transferring buses and trains. 

The car rental was not cheap, but it was worth it, really makes me wish I had a car of my own to drive and it just reminded me how great it was back then when the family car was actually available to be used for scenarios like today.

I will settle for a bike too, would be especially useful for my upcoming reservist in December if I am going to be thrown into the same camp again. 

New Job Offer

I actually went for a second round of interview today at a furniture shop for an Interior Stylist position and was pretty much offered the position, but there are a few things that I am really concerned with and I feel like it is seriously affecting my decision to accept the offer or not.

Prior to this second round interview, I did not tell anyone in my company that I had gone for the first interview because I feel like every time I share that out loud, it jinxes, so I kept this interview to myself and maybe told one of my colleagues about it, and despite telling the furniture company that I will have a relatively long notice period, they were actually willing to wait, which was great.  

They said they didn't mind waiting, but a part of me also felt like my chances were definitely lowered because if they found another candidate with the same level of experience and had a similar set of skills as me with a shorter notice period, they will pick him or her over me for sure, so I wasn't really expecting to be called up for a second round until I was reached out by the HR to actually meet the Hiring Manager in person. The first meeting was via Zoom, not a fan of that, didn't think I did very well, thus the surprise when I was contacted about moving to the next round.

I had spoken to the Team Manager via the Zoom interview before, and  I didn't have a very good impression of him, I felt like he was very cold, he looked quite fierce and the fact that I will have to report to him when I do get hired was a bit of a bummer, but then meeting him today in person, he was actually not at all like who I thought he was during his Zoom meeting, he was friendly and personable, smiled a lot as well, which instantly made me feel a lot more relaxed.

We had a good chat, he asked me about my notice period again and I shared with him that the notice period might extend because of the MCO in Malaysia that has resulted in delays for my projects. After a while, the Company Manager sits in, he was a bit more reserved, didn't really give a lot of eye contact, but I thought we had a good chat nonetheless. After that quick chat with the two managers, I was tested on how I would style a space, so they gave showed me a space in the store and asked me how I would go about designing a living room in that space.

The basic stuff is finding a sofa, coffee table and console, so I did that, pointed out the furniture that I thought would work well together and then they asked me about what kinds of lighting I would choose, if I would use mirrors to decorate a space, and just a bunch of styling question that I think I was able to answer with my Interior Designer experience, the Team Manager nodded his head in approval so I guess I passed.

We go back to the table we were at and continued our conversation, and the Company Manager asked me why I wanted to work in the retail industry because he feels like I was downgrading, and honestly speaking, this is a downgrade but the truth is, at the end of the day, being an Interior Designer is barely making me any money, the job is stressful, the commission I get for the amount of work that I have to put into managing a project is not good, in fact, last year, when my company prepared a pay slip that reflected our annual income, I had only earned a measly $4000 for that entire year. 

So yes, in terms of job responsibilities and title, to go from an Interior Designer to an Interior Stylist, it is a huge downgrade, but if my income is peanuts, then there is no point sticking to that job just for that title.

Anyways, the Company Manager leaves shortly after and directed me back to my Team Manager, who then asked me if I had any questions related to the job and this was when things kinda went a bit downhill because of the tea he was spilling about the company.

First thing I asked was how long he has been working in the company, being the Team Manager and all, I thought maybe 2 to 3 years is a good estimate, but then he tells me he had only recently joined not too long ago, so I ask him how long and he said about 1 month and prior to that, he was working in a high end fashion retail store. 

Hmmm. It's really difficult not to question his experience as an Interior Stylist because I was really hoping he had a lot of interior styling background and knowledge that he could pass on to me, but turns out, I have so much more experience than him in the industry and his experience actually lies in retail sales. 

As someone who is joining the company to focus more on the Interior Stylist side of things than the Retail Sales side of things, I was very concern that the Team Manager doesn't have the proper experience to actually properly guide me, but I figured since he is a manager, the company probably saw something in him, that's why they hired him in the first place, so he then starts sharing with me even more things and this is when the red flags just started popping out.

A bit of background. The store that I visited today is not the actual store that I will be working at, but the sister company. I was told via the email that because the Team Manager was going to be at this outlet today instead of the other one, the interview will be held here.

So, I brought up some of the negative reviews I had read about the company on Google Reviews, because there were quite a few who were complaining about the service being really bad, just to get a gauge on what he thinks about the reviews and this was the catalyst for the tea spillage.

Turns out, the company has plans to fire a majority of the existing interior stylist and sales staff in that high end furniture store, this includes the existing Team Manager there, and the Team Manager I am speaking to has been hired to be the replacement. Existing  Team Manager has no idea she is going to be let go, and the company has no plans to actually fire her, instead, they are planning to wait for her Work Pass to expire and not renew it, so she will have no choice but quit because she is not local.

What the fuck? 

And then a bunch of the other people will also get fired because apparently they also suck at their job, the manager words being...

"They have gotten arrogant."

.... because it is a luxury furniture store and they actually judge the walk-ins based on what they wear and whether they can actually afford the furniture before deciding if they are worth going up to and speaking to them. So let's say a customer walks in wearing a bunch of luxury item or is dressed to the nines, then he or she will be served because he or she can clearly afford the items, but if a customer comes in wearing slippers and short shorts with a Giordano T-Shirt, the sales team won't even bother entertaining the customer.

The fucked up thing is that that is also what I will probably do because once you experience the customers telling you that their budget is way below what you are selling, multiple times on a daily basis, it just becomes tiresome to deal with the same type of customers over and over again knowing what the end result will be, so why bother actually taking time talking to such customers when you can spend your time elsewhere doing something else.

But I can also understand why the company feels that this is unacceptable and plans to fire a majority of the existing workers there because they are ultimately being paid a monthly salary and if your service is tarnishing the company's reputation, then you are definitely not worth the company's money. 

What I am worried about is how negatively this will actually impact the rest of the current group who will not get fired in the end, because a bunch of their colleagues will get axed and be replaced by a new group, there will definitely be some level of disdain towards the new group, especially to the new Team Manager, who will be attempting to change the culture of the company.

The team manager warned me that the work environment will be hostile because of the takeover and I am just extremely uncomfortable knowing that these new positions that the new group will be taking over was only made available because others were fired and not because they left the company on their own accord to explore other career options.

This also brings me to my next concern, if the company is so willing to fire a bunch of the current workers, then what's to say they won't do that to me a few years down the line, when I have my own apartment and have loans that I will have to pay on a monthly basis, it's so dangerous.

Anyways, the interview ends with the manager asking me when I can start work and what my expected salary is, so I told him ideally, mid August would be the best, that would give me time to really complete all my projects and I can come into this new job with a clean slate with no baggage from my current job. He then ask me if I can start in July for a month of training, and I didn't really give him an answer but I know for sure right now that I can't start in July because it is going to be impossible to actually juggle between that work and my current work simultaneously. 

Another thing to note is that the salary in the past used to be Basic + Commission, but the company decided to take away the Commission and make it a fixed salary job instead. 

After the interview, I went back to my Office to enjoy some air-conditioning and shared with my Manager that I had gone for a job interview just now and was pretty much offered the job. He knows I have been looking for a new job for a while now so I can confide this kinds of things to him and his response was to essentially be very careful of the company because it seems like what the company is trying to do is get rid of all the workers that are still being paid the Basic + Commission scheme and they are now being vilified by the higher ups so the new hires won't question the decision to the termination of a bunch of old employees.

This then brings me to my next concern, if the company can fire a bunch of workers at one go, what is to say they won't do that to me and my new group in the future. If the company chose to split the existing employees up and put them into the other companies under them to try and correct their "bad working attitude", I would at least feel safer knowing that the company actually cares about their employees livelihood, but there is that, so I am honestly a little torn about how to go about with this position, I feel like there is a lot of  office politics happening even before I am officially part of the company, I can only imagine how horrible it will really be once I am actually part of it.

Complaint! Complaint! Complaint!

 One of my current projects has a pain in the ass neighbor that really needs to be dealt with.

Earlier this morning, I got a call from one of my project's condo management office and on the line was an older gentleman who sounded really annoyed...

"This is my last warning, you have receive another complaint that your workers did not clean up the common corridor before they left the place last night, if this happens again, I won't be issuing you with anymore warning, if I get another complaint, I will be charging you $80 for clean up."

 ... his tone was very demanding, and usually when I get a call from a Condo Management, I will try my best to accede to their request, if you need me to get my guys to clean up the place, I will drop them a text or give them a call to remind them, GRANTED you tell me nicely and not command me to do it.

I was not happy with the tone he was using towards me, but I tried to reason with him and explained that my workers had forgotten to bring a mop yesterday, and as I was about to tell him that I will arrange for a mob to be brought down to the place for them to use once they are done for the day, he interrupts me and goes...

"I don't want to hear any excuses!"

... and that was when I snapped. If you can't talk to me nicely and do not want to be reasonable, then there is no point for me to be cordial to you as well, so I raised my voice and went...

"I AM TRYING TO EXPLAIN TO YOU THE REASON! I AM NOT TRYING TO COME UP WITH ANY EXCUSE! LET ME CONTINUE SPEAKING!  

... and as I was shouting at him through the phone, I was shaking because I was so angry, my tone after that was not very friendly, so I told him that my guys didn't bring a mop yesterday, but I will arrange for it be be brought to site so they can use it later. The management then told me to just make sure the place is clean before the workers leave, and I couldn't even be bothered to say goodbye and just went "YEAH LAH! YEAH LAH!" before hanging up. 

I headed over to site within 40 minutes, got an $11 mop from Cold Storage because that was the only place near my site that sells a mop, and when I entered the apartment, I immediately ask the workers there if they were able to clean the common corridor before they left yesterday, and the in-charge told me...

"We did, I use my shirt to clean the floor yesterday because we didn't have a mop."

... I don't know which fucker was the one who complaint, but hearing how my worker actually used his own shirt to clean the common corridor floor, and then realize that some fucker still had the audacity to say the floor wasn't cleaned before my workers left, it really pissed me off.  So I went to the management office to look for the guy who called me, not to confront him, but to express to him how unfair this whole thing was and how unreasonable whoever had complaint was being.

We are talking about the common corridor, it is an open area where people are walking through with their shoes on, and this is even more so for that particular unit because it is facing the main entrance of the condo, everyone who enters the condo from the main door will walk pass that common corridor to get into the condo, it is not meant to be a space for you to walk barefoot. I can understand the neighbors complaining if the floor was in the same state as the unit I am renovating, full of dust and debris everywhere...

Like this

....totally understandable if the neighbors complained that the floor was like the picture above, because it looks very messy with small bits of plaster and debris everywhere. 

But it is not, 

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"OMG THIS IS CRAZY DIRTY, IT'S SO MESSY! HOW AM I GOING TO WALK ACROSS THIS COMMON WALKWAY WITHOUT DIRTYING MY 99 CENTS SLIPPERS I BOUGHT FROM 7-11" GET OVER IT! FUCKING PUSSY ASS BITCH!

...this is the state the floor is in, my workers used a wet mop to clean the floor, but because their shoes is a little dusty, it leaves some white marks on the floor after the floor dies up, but that's it, I mean this is as clean as a common corridor can get, especially for a site that has renovations happening, but for some insane reason, one of the neighbor deems that as unacceptable and actually complaint to the management office about it multiple times.

You would think that because the tiles itself have a patchy design to it, the dirt would be less obvious, and less noticeable, but No~!, let's complaint about that few streaks of dirt across the floor like my workers had just taken a bucket of shit and then smeared it across the entire corridor!  

Exaggerate much? Like how the fuck does that warrant multiple complaints? 

I ran into the management officer who called me and ask him what time did the neighbor complaint, who the neighbor was, how dirty was the place when the neighbor actually complaint and this management officer just keeps repeating the same thing...

"You have to clean the place before you leave."

... like the fucking idiot that he is on the phone, it's like talking to a wall.  

He then ask me to talk to the security guard who had to deal with the situation earlier and the security guard was so much more receptive to what I was asking and saying, he informs me that the neighbor who actually complained is the one who is directly beside my apartment and that he is a Condo Council Member.  

So essentially a self-important individual who probably voted himself in because nobody else wants to do the job, which is essentially a voluntary position with no salary attached to it. 

The guard didn't have any good thing to say about the Condo Council Member because he also doesn't like him, called him a chao chee bye who likes to make things harder for the security and management. He then points out to me that all the security camera around the condo is sponsored by the neighbor and that the neighbor has access to all of them, which means he can see everything happening in the Condo at the comfort of his own apartment. 

This old fart is just out to find trouble, so he is nitpicking. 

If you are going to penalize me for making a "mess", what is the standard you are looking at? I can't be getting penalize because the cleanliness did not meet the neighbor's standard, what if the motherfucker is OCD? Will I have to get a team of professional cleaners down every evening to clean the area up to meet his standard to cleanliness? That will be a few hundred dollars spend everyday just to keep the neighbor happy, which is not money I am willing to spend and definitely not someone I am trying to keep happy.

 

I might have to get my client involved in this because there is clearly an abuse in power going on and if you are going abuse that power just because you are a council member, then I am going to get my client, a resident, who has more power than me, involved.

4/6/2021

*I have actually shared this with my client and she hasn't replied back yet, so I am not sure what her stance on this whole shit show is.

I can't stress how much I regret taking on this stupid project, just so many fucking issues coming up, first was the last minute addition of things, then came the scheduling issue, now I have this fucking neighbor from hell to deal with that I really need my client to settle for me, but she is not responding to my messages. It's so frustrating.

The Management called again just now and told me the neighbor has once again complaint that the floor wasn't clean. His tone this time was much more calmer and less demanding than the tone he was using yesterday. 

My workers DID clean the floor before they left, they even send me pictures of the freshly mopped floor, I told the management that it is not bloody fair that you are giving me a "last warning" because my workers did EXACTLY what was required of them, they did clean the floor before they left. He then tells me to talk to the security who had to deal with the issue earlier.

Anyways, the security guard calls me up and then I explain to him that the floor was cleaned before my guys left, that it is not right for me to be given a last warning when my workers already did what was requested, he then tells me that it is not just the neighbor that is complaining, but the cleaners are complaining as well.

I am not trying to look down on the cleaners job at all, but....

 

WHAT FUCKING RIGHTS DO THE CLEANERS HAVE TO COMPLAINT ABOUT THE FLOOR BEING DIRTY, IT'S THEIR FUCKING JOB TO CLEAN, THAT IS LITERALLY THE TITLE OF THEIR ROLE. CLEAN-ER YOU ARE SUPPOSE TO CLEAN

I was honestly just blown away that the cleaners had the fucking audacity to complaint, and then the guard tells me that the cleaners feel like their pride has been hurt because of this. What fucking pride? I did not leave dog shit on the common corridor and demand for you to clean it up with your mouth. Your pride is hurt because you have to clean the floor? What logic is this? If you pride is hurt cleaning the floor, then go look for other jobs because going by that fucking logic, you probably don't have any pride left seeing how your job is to actually clean the floor of the condo everyday.

It's like a baker saying their pride is hurt because they have to measure the dry ingredients for breads and cakes.

It's like a barista saying their pride is hurt because they have to grind the coffee beans.

It's like a kindergarten teacher saying their pride is hurt because they have to talk to a group of children.

It makes zero sense.

The floor has a few white marks that can very easily be wiped away with a wet mop, it's not like there are small pieces of cement or debris strewn all over the floor, or like stuck on the floor that requires chipping off, all you have to do is take a wet mop the next day when you report back to work, and wipe across that area once and the marks will be gone. 

So what happens if a resident comes back from a hike and leaves mud all over the common corridor, you are going to run to the security and complaint and then request for them to ban the residents from hiking?  I mean that is the whole purpose of your role, to make sure the floor is clean WHEN the residents come back from a hike and dirty the corridor, that is the whole point of your job! 

Fucking Neighbor!

Fucking Cleaners! 

But Fuck that Neighbor More!

I wish he would get a call from the Government informing him that he might have gotten into contact with someone who has Covid, and then they have to quarantine his fucking ass in a hotel for 2 to 4 weeks, ideally if they can stick him in there for the next 3 months, that would be best.

Quarantine! Quarantine! Quarantine your sorry ass! 

It's like when my subcon isn't giving me any issues for this project, someone else has to appear and become the bane of my existence. Is this project cursed or some shit? Why the fuck is everything going wrong?

Stressed!

I thought today would be an easy day, I will just drop by my site, confirm with the air-con technician how the aircon will be repositioned and then be on my way home. 

I even wore shorts to site because I was expecting it to be really quick, but it wasn't. When I entered the apartment, the air-con technician brought up how messy the previous renovation work was because the aircon piping was all over the place, I didn't think too much about that because that is just piping management stuff, as long as the pipes work then who cares since they are going to be covered with a layer of false ceiling anyways.

So I started walking around the apartment just to observe the other areas and that was when I noticed one of the existing water outlet pipes for the aircon had a hole in it. The day before, I had told the air-con's technician boss..

"Please get your worker to help me check if any pipes need to be replaced."

... because he told me it was better to replace the pipes, but then it was $200 per pipe and my client has 5 aircons, so I thought if there are pipes that can still be reused, we will reuse them, but if the pipes are damaged, then definitely have them changed. I just didn't want my client to have to pay an additional $1000 for nothing.

I bring this issue up to the air-con technician and his response to it was...

"Yup, that needs to be changed. But today my job is only to reposition the pipes, once I am done with that I am leaving, I still have other sites to head to."

... I got a bit confused because from what I understand, his job today was to also check if any pipes needed to be replaced and have them replaced, so I ask him if the pipe replacement is usually done by a different group, and he goes...

"Nope, I can change as well, but that is not my job today. You do need to get that replaced  though because once you cover it up with tiles, it is going to be a headache for you in the future. I don't want to be responsible when it starts having issues in the future"

... and I just couldn't believe what was happening. He was talking about the pipe like it is not his problem to solved. DUDE! YOU ARE THE BLOODY AIR-CON TECHNICIAN, YOU ARE THE ONE WHO NEEDS TO HELP ME FIX THE PIPES! WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT THE DAMAGED PIPE LIKE IT IS NOT YOUR PROBLEM?

I then call the boss up to check what was happening, I share the damaged pipe issue with him and he suggest for me to have it replaced, so we hang up and he calls the air-con technician. They have a quick conversation which then ended with the technician saying...

"Let's not discuss about this anymore, I won't be touching the pipes, today my job is only to do the reposition works, which I have already done."

... and then that was it. I was appalled at how that whole situation was handled, so the boss calls me a while later and then explain to me that he will be sending a second group down to take over the works. At this point, the air-con technician was just sitting on this tool box, I guess waiting for further instructions from his boss through me, but having heard what the boss is telling me about sending a second group down, I soon realize that he had probably gotten into an argument with this air-con technician and will not longer be using him for my site anymore, so I told him to just go first since he had other sites to rush to.

The boss then tells me he will try and arrange a second group to drop by later in the evening to take a look and advise me on what I can do, I was a bit worried because the timing was a little late and I was quite doubtful that the condo's security guard would even let them enter the premises. He requested for me to be around as well, so I decided to just wait at my Showroom rather than go home since it was a direct bus ride away and it was air-conditioned.

 

First time reporting to the Showroom in shorts.

So I waited for about an hour and a half, then headed back to the condo after receiving a call from the boss that his guys were on their way. I was 15 minutes late and the second group was already waiting outside the condo, so I went up to the guard first to get permission to enter the condo with my air-con contractor, assuring them that it was purely just to do a site visit, that no works will be happening, and their answer was..

"No contractor after 5pm! The management's rule."

... it was already 6pm when I reached.

To say I was a little annoyed would be an understatement, I had to walk up to the lorry of the second group of air con technician and shared the bad news with them. Started by apologizing for having wasted their time, they were very understanding and told me they had expected this to happen. I tried to explain the issue to them with pictures, but unfortunately, in order to properly assess the situation, they needed to see it in person, so no progress was made and their next available date is 2 fucking weeks later.

FML!

I brought this issue up to my client and she was also apologetic for that wasted trip I made, thankfully she is not actually holding me accountable for the delays because some unreasonable clients actually do that even when the delay isn't the project manager's fault.

That being said, I really can't deal with this project anymore, there is always something happening at every stage of the renovation, first was when we dismantled the existing floors, thinking we could reuse the old tiles underneath and then come to realize that the underneath layer was in horrible condition. 

After that, my client requested to hack their toilet last minute, which messed up the entire work schedule, and because of the hacking works for the toilet, both the water pipes and aircon pipes got damaged. 

Running into problems during the renovation is normal, but running into so many problems within such a short time span is not, pair all these issues with the severe lack in manpower and you really have a recipe for disaster. 

Delayed Grief

My grandfather's funeral had been going on for the past 4 days and I only attended the funeral on the first and last day due to work commitments. 

Unlike most funerals, no one was really crying at my Grandfather's funeral, it felt more like a catch up session for my Aunties and Uncles, who were all having light hearted conversations with one another.

I wasn't able to attend on the 2nd and 3rd day due to work commitments, but I adjusted my schedule on the fourth day to make sure I could at least attend the funeral procession, unfortunately, due to work related issues, I was distracted and wasn't 100% there mentally, I also kept thinking to myself...

"Quickly be done so I can get back to work and sort out all the issues that is currently stressing me out."

... and as I was thinking about this, I was staring at my Grandfather's portrait in front of his casket, feeling guilty that I was actually thinking about work more than I was thinking about him. 

I am not the type that can think of other things when work is stressing me out, so that guilt quickly went away and I started thinking about work again.

Throughout the entire procession, I didn't feel a great deal of sadness, we had a quick service at the Columbarium,  followed by our last look at him as we each place a stalk of flower on his coffin to say our last goodbyes.

The team at the columbarium were giving out tissue papers but no one was crying, so my Aunties and my Grandma just took it out of courtesy and just tucked it away. 

 Everyone was then lead to the furnace and  it was only when his casket was slowly being pulled into the furnace did my Aunties and Grandma started breaking down, I also started to feel a slight lump in my throat, but after that, everything went back to normal, we all gathered at the entrance and then made our way back.

The moment I got home, I started settling all my work issues, calling all the contractors to try and solve the problem, went to meet another on site, and when I have finally managed to sort my work stuff out, it is still in a mess, but at least it's a more hopeful one, I finally had time to just sit down and process what had actually happened, so I started thinking about my Grandfather. 

During the wake, whilst I was busy with work stuff, the grandfather I remembered was the unpleasant man who had a bad temper and who takes out his temper on the myriad of helpers that my Mum has hired and fired for various reason, I remembered him as the unpleasant individual that he was towards others, the man who liked to bragged and tell tall tales, who likes to complaint a lot because in my mind, that was who he was to me in the forefront.

But I didn't think about who he was towards his grandchildren, towards me and my siblings. He wasn't nasty towards us, sure he might have been a bit impatient sometimes, but he was ultimately a doting grandparent who would buy us candies and chocolates every time he came back from work when I was very young. 

When I think about how his face would light up every time my family went to visit him at my Aunt's place after he moved out from my place, how he would slowly push himself out of his room, while still sitting on his chair with wheels and then just sit across from us, content that he is being visited by his Grandkids, even though we were not actively holding conversations with him, I started to break down because it was just so sad to realize how lonely he must have been even prior to his hospitalization, constantly alone in the house when my Aunt goes to work.

Back when he was living with my family, there would at least be us outside his room, watching TV or doing whatever we do, so it was never really quiet even though he was in his room most of the time, but at my Aunt's place, he was alone most of the time, there was no one outside his room, even of he went out, it was just him until my Aunt comes home.

I was surprised at how much I started crying because I was completely fine during the entirety of his wake, even when my Dad broke the news and told the family that he had passed on, I didn't feel that much sadness, but now the wake is over and his remains have been cremated, the realization that he is actually gone just hit me. 

When I think of my Grandfather now, I don't think of the sickly state he was in for the past 1 year, I think of him as he was when he was living in my Aunt's place, not in the best shape but so much healthier, and looked like he would still have a few more years to live. So when I think about him now, it's just surreal that he is no longer around.

I might have said this in the previous post about my Grandfather, but this time round, it is with delayed grief and sadness.

Rest In Peace, Ah Gong

On the cusp of a mental breakdown...

 Sigh. I hate my job, but what's new.

These past week has been extremely busy for me and I am foreseeing myself becoming even busier in the coming months, but being busy is fine, it makes me feel productive as opposed to just lazing at home all day.

I had a really bad feeling that my projects this time round would be difficult just because my last three projects went by relatively smoothly, it's like the universe's way of balancing things out. I don't think I blogged too much about my last few projects because that is how well they were going. I have been having this general sense of unease the past few weeks and now I think I know why.

The reason for my great disdain towards my job at the moment is due my tiler's inability to provide enough workers for all the project's that my company is currently handling, he had initially told me he would help arrange to send some guys down to my site to work on my project, this was after days of back and forth with me essentially having to convince him that it was a small job and then beg him to help me out, and I thought that after that whole ordeal, the worst was over, that as long as he was able to squeeze my project into his packed schedule, I am all good.

But yesterday, my clients decided to drop a bomb on me and informed me that they would like to redo one of their toilets as well. Initially I didn't think too much of it, I figured adding one toilet into the fray wouldn't add too much of a burden, since a worker has already been scheduled to the site, he would probably just need to work on the place for an additional 3 to 4 more days for that toilet, so I called up my tiler and told him that I wanted to add another toilet works into the project.

He was not happy.

"You said it was a small project, now you are throwing in another toilet to do, I could squeeze you in because it was supposed to be a small scale project, now I have to arrange everything again and I am getting a headache from all this, I can't think properly right now"

... and then he tells me he can't confirm the date with me anymore.

I can tell he is under a great deal of stress due to the sheer amount of work that is being thrown at him, but his stress is now affecting me as well because if he can't confirm the date with me, I can't schedule the works out properly. 

My clients have a certain date that they want to move into the apartment, they don't mind that it is half done as long as one of the rooms is livable, so I have to get certain things done by then to ensure that it is move in ready for them, which I cannot do at the moment because I have no concrete date on when my tiler can do his work.

I have asked him multiple times to calculate the amount of raw materials I need to order because I needed to arrange delivery for it with the supplier, and every time. he just replies back with "OK", but then doesn't calculate for me. I only have 2 days left until the delivery is supposed to be scheduled and he still hasn't calculated the raw materials for me. 

At this point, I am feeling very anxious because I don't want to offend him by constantly asking him to calculate the raw materials for me, but then on the other hand, if he keeps delaying the calculations I need, I might not be able to order the materials in time for delivery. 

Today happens to be my Grandfather's funeral procession, and I was more focused on trying to get my work stuff in order than focusing on my family saying our last goodbyes to him. I feel bad that I am not caring as much as I should that he is no longer with us, I feel like it is because I am now so stressed out from work that his death probably hasn't really hit me yet, that when I can finally breath again, it will and I will start to regret it.

I reached out to my client after the cremation and I updated her that the work schedule is now in a KIV status because her last minute request has completely thrown my tiler's work schedule off the rails. 

Prior to this, a few weeks ago, she and her husband told me that if I couldn't get the place ready in time, then they will find a place to move in temporarily, so I figured she would be understanding and tell me that she will try and look for a place because it was her last minute request that caused the entire renovation timeline to be affected, instead, I was met with...

"Cannot. We did not buffer for any delays in the renovation, please talk to your tiler and settle this for us."

... I was so fucking stressed out. My cousin tried to start a conversation with me at one point but because I was so engrossed in trying to settle this issue, I just kind of brushed him off and didn't bother actually holding a conversation with him. I am horrible.

When I finally got home, I called my tiler and tried to get a solid date from him, or at least a rough estimate on when he can start work because I needed to arrange work with other contractors as well, and I spoke to him for 40 minutes on the phone, the entire time he was just complaining to me about how he can't think straight because he has too many projects to handle, that it's not his intention to turn down projects, but he just do not have enough manpower to spare and I was just sitting on my desk, listening to him talk about how he wish he could drop all his projects just so he can finally have a peace of mind, and we pretty much ended the conversation with him telling me..

"You ask me again in 2 weeks, I will settle all my current projects by then and will have more clarity to arrange new works"

... my tiling is suppose to happen in 1 week, and he was asking me to reach out to him in 2 weeks. 

There really isn't anything I can do at this point but wait the 2 weeks out, I have to arrange my work according to his unstable scheduling and my client is insisting to move in at the date she had originally requested, so I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place.

Oh, and a job opening I had applied for last week actually reached out to me and wanted to arrange a job interview, but because of my ongoing headaches projects and an upcoming one that is happening at the start of next month, I now have a 2 months notice period.

The moment I told the caller I had a 2 months notice period, he immediately told me he will discuss with his boss and then didn't bother to continue the call anymore after. I can't just pass my projects to someone else because my company has recently introduced a new clause into our work contract that states if a designer were to pass his or her ongoing project to another designer, he or she will have to pay $2000 in compensation, that is $2000 per project, with the projects, which means if I were to successfully get a new job offer within the next 2 months and decide to quit, I will have to pay the company $4000 to leave, because what the fuck? 

Most of my projects that I have worked on in the past, I am barely earning $2000 and now you want me to pay a $4000 penalty to pass my projects over to someone? I am foregoing all the commission I can earn from that project, I am letting the person take over earn that commission, the company will still profit from the project, but the company is asking for an additional $2000 penalty on top of that.

The greed is real. 

A few of my colleagues are planning to leave the company soon as well because they are started to notice a lot of additional cost being thrown into running a project, additional cost that the designer are expected to bear, additional cost that goes into the company's pocket, not because a supplier has increased their price, but because my boss wants to introduce redundant services for us to use, under the guise that it will provide a higher quality end product. 

It will make no fucking difference. 

In the past, when he first started doing this, I tried not to pay too much attention to it, but now that he is introducing more and more of such redundant services, it is hard not to pay attention to it. We, as the sales team, are trying to help your company grow and make money, but for working our ass off to keep the company afloat, you chose to reward us by giving us more additional cost to pay and introducing that penalty into our work contract. This whole thing just feels very very conniving.

The reason why I stayed in this company, aside from not being able to find a decent job out there, is because of my colleagues at work, it somehow feels like I am back in the army and there is this camaraderie between all of us. 

Work ends at 8.30pm when I am on showroom duty, so at around 6.30pm, my colleagues and I will go buy our dinner and have it back at the showroom/office, but instead of just eating and be done by 7.30pm, we will usually just chit chat until 8.30pm.  I have once chit-chatted with a colleague until 9.30pm. That only happens when you actually like your colleagues and I enjoy the company of my colleagues, but unfortunately, I do not enjoy being in the company anymore and I also do not enjoy being put in such a stressful situation.

Rest In Peace

I got the news today whilst I was at site that my Grandfather had passed away earlier this morning. He had been in the hospital for the past year after getting a stroke and it didn't really come as a shock to anyone in the family. The past year must have been agony for him because he was paralyzed, kept getting infections, and during the last few days of his life, apparently had a lot of trouble breathing, so much so that, according to my sister who was able to visit him a few days prior to his passing, he was actually tearing up every time he tried to breath because of how painful it was. 

I had only bothered visiting him once very early on after he got hospitalized and then never really made the time to do more visits after that. I knew he was in a bad condition, but a part of me also kept thinking that he was eventually going to recover, not fully of course, but be able to at least wake up and be well enough to leave the hospital and still have a few more years to live, to be able to converse with us when we visit him at my Aunt's place after he comes out and then hear him complaint about how horrible the hospital stay was etc.

I feel bad that I didn't bother to visit him, that for the entire year during his hospitalization, I barely ever thought of him, only occasionally asking my parents how he is.  

He isn't someone who is very well liked in the family because he has a temper and he complaints a lot, but he has never once lost his temper on his grandchildren back when he was living under the same roof as me and my family, we hardly ever had conversations with each other, it was always the very basic...

"Eaten yet?"

... and me and my siblings would always nod very begrudgingly.

Back when I was still very young, whenever he came back from work, he would always buy my siblings and I candies or chocolates, that was what made us excited to see him return home, and our ungrateful ass would always express our disappointment when he would buy us Mentos instead of Kinder Surprise, and not one Kinder Surprise for each of us, we will only be happy if he buys the triple pack for each of us, talk about being ungrateful spoilt brats.

A few times, when we want to go to the nearby HDB mart to get some new toys, I would convince my brother to shed crocodile tears to convince him to bring us there, and it works probably 50% of the time.

Now when I think back about how it was like for him staying with my family, it probably wasn't great because he would always stay cooped up in his room, he barely sits in the living room to watch the TV there, he would always only come out for dinner when everyone else was done and he wouldn't eat at the dining table, instead, he would sit in the kitchen and have his dinner there, on a stool that is not of a comfortable height against the kitchen counter top, and once he was done with his meal, he will go back to his room again.

The very few times he would come out of his room and look for me, it was to ask me to help him fix his CD player or adjust his bedroom TV for him because it wasn't working properly, I don't mind most of the time to go help him, and every single time I enter his room, it just feels so stuffy and warm, I thought maybe it was the way he was using the room that made it so stuffy, but after taking over the room, I realize that it is because of the glass blocks in the room that makes the whole space so warm and stuffy, and he actually stays cooped up in the room the entire day. 

At one point, because the house was running out of space to store our luggage, we decided to install a metal rack in my grandpa's room and put the luggage there, and it was only after I took over the room did I realize how horrible having that metal rack with all the luggage is, because not only does it look horrible and take up space, it makes the room feel like a storeroom. 

When I think back, his golden years were probably not the best and he probably spend the last few years of his life before his stroke, feeling like he was not wanted by anyone in the family, not just mine but my Uncles and Aunties, who kept pushing the responsibilities to my Dad because he is the eldest son, eventually one of my Aunty took over and housed him at her place. Every time my family visited him, he will be happy that he is being visited, but then after a while, he will start complaining about my Aunty and call her a bad person, his own daughter who opened her house to him after my family no longer wanted to house him because he was actually bullying our helper at that time.

The sad truth is his personality makes him a quite unlikeable, so it was hard to give him any sort of affection, when you are nice to him, he doesn't really appreciate it and might end up finding you bothersome like he did with my Aunty.

That being said, I still do feel a little sadness about his passing because he is after all my Grandfather who did stay with under the same roof as me for pretty much the first 25 years of my life, but it is not a great sadness that makes me want to cry when I think about him, a lot of this sadness comes from feeling a great sense of pity towards how the last 6 to 7 years of his life after he moved out was spend alone at home, watching TV and not interacting much with his own family, and as far as I am aware, he didn't have any friends to hang out with as well, and then to spend the final year of his life in the hospital, bedridden and paralyzed for an entire year before finally letting go.

I feel bad because I don't feel as sad as I should be when a family member passes on. The funeral today was not a somber event, it felt more like a family gathering than a funeral, everyone was happily chatting with one another, no one was crying and I guess because everyone was expecting my Grandfather's death, we were more relief than sad that he has finally moved and and is no longer suffering in the hospital. 

 The funeral procession will be taking place this Monday, I had to move my work schedule around to make my attendance possible, as I should, this is the least I can do as his Grandson, and the least I can after not bothering to visit him during his hospitalization.