Monday 17 May 2021

On the cusp of a mental breakdown...

 Sigh. I hate my job, but what's new.



These past week has been extremely busy for me and I am foreseeing myself becoming even busier in the coming months, but being busy is fine, it makes me feel productive as opposed to just lazing at home all day.



I had a really bad feeling that my projects this time round would be difficult just because my last three projects went by relatively smoothly, it's like the universe's way of balancing things out. I don't think I blogged too much about my last few projects because that is how well they were going. I have been having this general sense of unease the past few weeks and now I think I know why.



The reason for my great disdain towards my job at the moment is due my tiler's inability to provide enough workers for all the project's that my company is currently handling, he had initially told me he would help arrange to send some guys down to my site to work on my project, this was after days of back and forth with me essentially having to convince him that it was a small job and then beg him to help me out, and I thought that after that whole ordeal, the worst was over, that as long as he was able to squeeze my project into his packed schedule, I am all good.



But yesterday, my clients decided to drop a bomb on me and informed me that they would like to redo one of their toilets as well. Initially I didn't think too much of it, I figured adding one toilet into the fray wouldn't add too much of a burden, since a worker has already been scheduled to the site, he would probably just need to work on the place for an additional 3 to 4 more days for that toilet, so I called up my tiler and told him that I wanted to add another toilet works into the project.


He was not happy.



"You said it was a small project, now you are throwing in another toilet to do, I could squeeze you in because it was supposed to be a small scale project, now I have to arrange everything again and I am getting a headache from all this, I can't think properly right now"



... and then he tells me he can't confirm the date with me anymore.


I can tell he is under a great deal of stress due to the sheer amount of work that is being thrown at him, but his stress is now affecting me as well because if he can't confirm the date with me, I can't schedule the works out properly. 



My clients have a certain date that they want to move into the apartment, they don't mind that it is half done as long as one of the rooms is livable, so I have to get certain things done by then to ensure that it is move in ready for them, which I cannot do at the moment because I have no concrete date on when my tiler can do his work.



I have asked him multiple times to calculate the amount of raw materials I need to order because I needed to arrange delivery for it with the supplier, and every time. he just replies back with "OK", but then doesn't calculate for me. I only have 2 days left until the delivery is supposed to be scheduled and he still hasn't calculated the raw materials for me. 


At this point, I am feeling very anxious because I don't want to offend him by constantly asking him to calculate the raw materials for me, but then on the other hand, if he keeps delaying the calculations I need, I might not be able to order the materials in time for delivery. 




Today happens to be my Grandfather's funeral procession, and I was more focused on trying to get my work stuff in order than focusing on my family saying our last goodbyes to him. I feel bad that I am not caring as much as I should that he is no longer with us, I feel like it is because I am now so stressed out from work that his death probably hasn't really hit me yet, that when I can finally breath again, it will and I will start to regret it.



I reached out to my client after the cremation and I updated her that the work schedule is now in a KIV status because her last minute request has completely thrown my tiler's work schedule off the rails. 



Prior to this, a few weeks ago, she and her husband told me that if I couldn't get the place ready in time, then they will find a place to move in temporarily, so I figured she would be understanding and tell me that she will try and look for a place because it was her last minute request that caused the entire renovation timeline to be affected, instead, I was met with...




"Cannot. We did not buffer for any delays in the renovation, please talk to your tiler and settle this for us."



... I was so fucking stressed out. My cousin tried to start a conversation with me at one point but because I was so engrossed in trying to settle this issue, I just kind of brushed him off and didn't bother actually holding a conversation with him. I am horrible.



When I finally got home, I called my tiler and tried to get a solid date from him, or at least a rough estimate on when he can start work because I needed to arrange work with other contractors as well, and I spoke to him for 40 minutes on the phone, the entire time he was just complaining to me about how he can't think straight because he has too many projects to handle, that it's not his intention to turn down projects, but he just do not have enough manpower to spare and I was just sitting on my desk, listening to him talk about how he wish he could drop all his projects just so he can finally have a peace of mind, and we pretty much ended the conversation with him telling me..




"You ask me again in 2 weeks, I will settle all my current projects by then and will have more clarity to arrange new works"




... my tiling is suppose to happen in 1 week, and he was asking me to reach out to him in 2 weeks. 




There really isn't anything I can do at this point but wait the 2 weeks out, I have to arrange my work according to his unstable scheduling and my client is insisting to move in at the date she had originally requested, so I am now stuck between a rock and a hard place.




Oh, and a job opening I had applied for last week actually reached out to me and wanted to arrange a job interview, but because of my ongoing headaches projects and an upcoming one that is happening at the start of next month, I now have a 2 months notice period.


The moment I told the caller I had a 2 months notice period, he immediately told me he will discuss with his boss and then didn't bother to continue the call anymore after. I can't just pass my projects to someone else because my company has recently introduced a new clause into our work contract that states if a designer were to pass his or her ongoing project to another designer, he or she will have to pay $2000 in compensation, that is $2000 per project, with the projects, which means if I were to successfully get a new job offer within the next 2 months and decide to quit, I will have to pay the company $4000 to leave, because what the fuck? 



Most of my projects that I have worked on in the past, I am barely earning $2000 and now you want me to pay a $4000 penalty to pass my projects over to someone? I am foregoing all the commission I can earn from that project, I am letting the person take over earn that commission, the company will still profit from the project, but the company is asking for an additional $2000 penalty on top of that.



The greed is real. 



A few of my colleagues are planning to leave the company soon as well because they are started to notice a lot of additional cost being thrown into running a project, additional cost that the designer are expected to bear, additional cost that goes into the company's pocket, not because a supplier has increased their price, but because my boss wants to introduce redundant services for us to use, under the guise that it will provide a higher quality end product. 



It will make no fucking difference. 



In the past, when he first started doing this, I tried not to pay too much attention to it, but now that he is introducing more and more of such redundant services, it is hard not to pay attention to it. We, as the sales team, are trying to help your company grow and make money, but for working our ass off to keep the company afloat, you chose to reward us by giving us more additional cost to pay and introducing that penalty into our work contract. This whole thing just feels very very conniving.




The reason why I stayed in this company, aside from not being able to find a decent job out there, is because of my colleagues at work, it somehow feels like I am back in the army and there is this camaraderie between all of us. 



Work ends at 8.30pm when I am on showroom duty, so at around 6.30pm, my colleagues and I will go buy our dinner and have it back at the showroom/office, but instead of just eating and be done by 7.30pm, we will usually just chit chat until 8.30pm.  I have once chit-chatted with a colleague until 9.30pm. That only happens when you actually like your colleagues and I enjoy the company of my colleagues, but unfortunately, I do not enjoy being in the company anymore and I also do not enjoy being put in such a stressful situation.

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