The day started off with me waking up an hour earlier to do a site visit with my senior desginer, the meeting time was 8.45 am at Caldecott MRT, being the new guy, I decided to reach a little earlier and was there by 8.40 am.
There isn't any place to seat except the toilet, so I went to the toilet and decided to take a 5 minute dump, making sure to bring a lot of toilet paper from the toilet paper dispenser outside of the cubicle, like a ridiculous amount. I forced out whatever I could and was done in 5 minutes, leaving a trial of toilet paper behind as I left the toilet. I would have taken longer but I was afraid the senior designer would not be able to find me when he arrived.
8.45 am became 8.50 am, 8.50 am eventually became 9.00 am. Thinking that maybe he had forgotten about me and went to the site first, I send him a message on Whatsapp telling him I was already at the control station, he replies promptly telling me he was on the way, and that I should check out how to reach the site. During the 15 minutes prior to actually messaging him, I had already checked how to get to the site because I had nothing else to do, so that was that.
He arrives at 9.10 am and doesn't even apologies for being almost half an hour late, he just asked me which exit we should take and exchanged a quick hello. The entire journey to the site was just silence, I didn't really feel like talking because I didn't feel obligated to speak to him and he also remained quiet the entire time. I mean I'm already one foot out of the company, so there really isn't any point in trying to forge a friendship with any of them if I'm probably never gonna contact again anymore in the future, when I had lunch with him and a few other colleagues yesterday, I just kept thinking, "I'm going to be gone by next week" and visualizing myself reporting to work next Monday just didn't seem like something that would happen, so for the entire time during lunch, I was just very distant from them, I was cordial and friendly, but I wasn't actively trying to get closer to them.
Anyways, when we reached the site, the home owners invited us into their new home, it was empty, warm and just really awkward. I didn't really introduce myself to them, so the two of them kinda just looked at me really confused until my senior designer introduced me to them.
"This is Tim." he is going to be the assistant designer for this project
Just Tim, for all they know, I could have been a random stranger plucked from the street and send to their house to sweat, because I did, profusely, as I was busy measuring the condo unit.
I really didn't know exactly what to measure, so I just walked around the house and measured when I felt like it as the senior designer walked around the house with the couple and I guess talk to them some Interior Design jargon, and then more people came in and I find out later that they are the fengshui masters.
The senior designer proceeded to guide me and told me the measurements he wanted and that was that. The drawings I had done prior to doing the measuring were pretty much bigger than the house, so that was awesome, knowing that when I went back to the office, adjustment of the AutoCAD plan awaits me.
The trip back to the office was equally quiet and on our first train ride, I was just staring blankly into space while he was busy playing with his phone. The entire time I was just thinking of how miserable that site visit felt and how much I wanted to quit, the feeling of working at the first Interior Design firm just came rushing back and I kept wondering how I should tell the boss about my intention to resign.
When we were switching trains and waiting for the next one, I decided to start a conversation with the senior designer with the goal of letting him know of my intention to quit.
"So when you first started, did they ask you to sign any confirmation letter?"
That was my way in to open the conversation, and after a few minutes, he kinda realized where I was going, and we started to talk a bit more, him telling me that if the job wasn't something I expected, I should not waste my time and in my head, I was just agreeing with him. Had this job actually been a good fit with me or if we had been classmates at design school, I think I would have been able to become friends with him, but alas, we met under unfortunate circumstances and I just wasn't feeling very sociable to start conversations and know him better.
When we finally got back to the office, he actually helped me talk to the boss and that was it, the boss was alright with letting me go and send his HR Personnel to talk to me. I told her my reasons and she was also really nice about it, of course I kept apologizing to her, telling her I felt bad for wasting their time, seeing how they had already set up a company email account for me and told her that I don't expect to get paid for my 2.5 days of work, I really didn't do much, she however insisted and told me she will bank it in for me once it is ready.
After I completed the floor plan for the designer and did the necessary adjustment, I just left the office. I thanked the senior designer for his guidance and he didn't really responded to that, like he literally looked like he didn't hear me, so I just walked off and that is it, I'm now no longer an Interior Designer at that firm anymore.
2.5 days, that's how long it took for me to give up on this job, the last one took me 2.5 to 3 weeks, this one took just days, the next time I make the mistake of getting into Interior Design again, it will probably take only 2.5 hours before I throw in the towel.
So now, I'm just a confused 26 year old man child who doesn't know what he's future career path is going to be like. I'm pretty much fucked, but right now, I'm just glad I don't have to wake up early tomorrow and drag myself to work at that design firm. This happiness will probably only be a temporary joy,
I'm not sure if I will wake up one day and just think "What the fuck have I done with this golden opportunity?". But just to remind the future me, this job was not a good fit at all, it encompasses everything I hated with Interior Designing, which were mainly drafting and the constant need to travel to sites.
My AutoCAD wasn't good, so to see the senior designer just going through his AutoCAD drawings at lightning speed compared to mine was honestly very demoralizing, and I heard the company had plans to hire even more designers, just the thought of those newer designers being many times more capable then I am despite my seniority in the company is quite disparaging.
I used to think I could have stayed in the first Interior Design company if I hadn't been so drawn into baking, had I stayed there until now, I would have probably made a shit ton of money, be able to buy a car and be busy busy busy, calling contractors every few hours, speaking to client like I know shit and just being a professional Interior Designer, but as it turns out with this current job experience, I just really do not enjoy the process of Interior Design at all. Like how most people enjoy looking at pretty cakes and wished they could make them, but then are turned off by the idea when they realize the different steps and components that are needed to actually bake a cake and the mess that follows.
There were actually moments during my 2.5 days there when I imagined myself in the future, looking back and thinking of the time I actually wanted to quit but am really loving my job right now(in the future I have painted in my head that is), but sadly, there was just no reason to stay there, I didn't clique with anyone and I honestly felt like the odd one out because literally everyone except the 2 bosses are foreigners, mostly Malaysians, if I had found someone I could clique with there, then maybe I could have made myself stay there in order to forge a proper friendship with that person, but no such person existed.
So yeah, to the future me who's deciding to maybe get back into Interior Design again, think back to the time when I would wake up early in the morning and start searching things like...
"Quitting a job within the first week."
"Jobs feels like a wrong fit"
"How to quit on the first day of work?"
"How to quit on the second day of work?"
"Quitting on the third day of work"
...or the times when I would take a toilet break and start googling them. It was a miserable experience I would really rather not live through again.
I'm actually really lethargic right now because I haven't been getting enough sleep for the past 2 nights, just thinking about how to leave the job.
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