Today marks the first day of work, after 2 years of working for my Dad, I've finally spread my wings and found a job outside, but if today is any indication of how the job is going to be like for the next few months, then I'm very afraid I won't be able to last through my probation period.
My new colleagues are mostly Malaysians and they are quite a friendly bunch, completely different from my colleagues at my old design firm, but the only issue I have with this batch of colleagues is the fact that they are all mandarin speakers. I can speak Mandarin perfectly fine, after having to speak to my Dad's China colleague at work almost everyday, I can safely say my spoken Mandarin is now painfully average.
It being my first day on the job, I was assigned to a senior designer to gauge my skills, he is 2 years younger than me and that is totally fine, yup, it's alright, it does not make me feel inadequate at all, not one bit. He walks me around the office in the morning and introduces me to the colleges, when I have said my Hellos to everyone, we go back to our seats and he passes me a blank floor plan and instructs me to design the space.
Initially, I was very excited about doing the space planning, I thought I could finally show them that I am an adequate Interior Designer, show them that I am capable of doing space planning and that I am qualified for the job, those 2 years working for my Dad has got to be useful for something, and then the senior designer said something that pretty much send all that confidence I had crashing down....
"Trace out the floorplan on AutoCAD."
The reason why I applied for a Sales Position is so I can avoid using Auto-Fucking-CAD, so I can ask someone to do it for me while I sit beside them and tell them what I want as they magically make it appear in-front of my eyes.
I tried to reason and asked the Senior Designer if I could maybe use my Illustrator instead, it's a lot easier and saves way more time. I even brought my laptop with me in hopes that the boss would allow me to use Illustrator instead of AutoCAD, but I didn't even greet the boss when I saw him, I was too sian to bother greeting the boss when I was told I had to use AutoCAD.
I was given the Floorplan to trace out at about 11 am and I was stuck doing it pretty much until 3 pm. At one point, the senior designer kinda leaned over and told me it was already 3 pm, that I need to manage my time better because I still have to find reference images and do the actual space planning
I have never had the thought of quitting pop into my head so early into a job before.
Finding the reference images only made the whole ordeal worst because the project was trying to go for a "resort" feel. This is not a theme I am familiar with and it was not a theme I was interested in, so the search for those pictures ended up becoming a process of me mentally telling myself to stop thinking of quitting, to stop having this thoughts right now so early on. At one point the senior design got a bit impatient and started telling me the time again, asking me to "manage my time better", which I assume is his way of telling me to hurry the fuck up, because he had to go back soon.
So I told him, maybe I could do the Space Planning first, I always did the space planning first before looking for the images, and he goes..
"You should look for the images first, so you can draw inspiration from them in your designs, look at what other people are doing and learn from them..."
As he was telling me this, I was nodding my head but I really didn't want to listen to him at that moment, a part me me didn't want to because he was younger than me and I guess I had a little inferiority complex going on. But also, just let me do things the way I have been doing them... let me use my Illustrator to play around with the space, but he kept brushing me off and telling me to do things the way he did them, so I did, and with each passing moment, my frustration grew more and more.
Once I had gotten enough pictures, I showed them to him and he did that thing the designer at my previous design firm did which I really hated, he looked at the pictures and started pointing out the ones that didn't feel right to him, although I have to say, he was a lot more patient about it.
Out of the 18 pictures I had gotten over the 2 slow and painful hours, he only accepted 3 of them and said the rest didn't have the "resort" feel.
Like what the fuck is a resort theme suppose to even be like? I fucking hate it when people come up with these as themes for their houses.
"Oh, I want an air-con theme."
"Oh, I want the theme to be of life, I want my house to be lively"
"Oh, I want my house to look like a fucking hotel room that's facing the beach."
Pick Minimalism, Scandinavian or something more DISTINCT.
So my search for reference images continued and I tried to mix it up by doing a bit of space planning, thinking it would make the process slightly more bearable, until I remembered I was using Auto-fucking-CAD to do my space planning.
I did not manage to finish the assignment so I can only imagine what will happen tomorrow when I go to work and the senior designer finds out about that. Apparently the client is coming down on Wednesday, so that means either i have to complete the project by tomorrow or he will take over and then just report me to the boss for being unbelievably inadequate.
Now, I just wish the boss would fire me. Please just fire me right now, I really don't want to quit so just fire me for being a wrong fit. That one day there just reminded me of why I quit Interior Designing in the first place, because apart from wanting to bake 3 years ago, I just did not like working as an Interior Designer.
The many moments of just being completely lost and unaware is extremely extremely frustrating. The company actually thinks I have 2 years worth of Interior Design experience, and I can't help feeling like I have bitten more than I can chew. This is really bad, really really bad.
The many moments of just being completely lost and unaware is extremely extremely frustrating. The company actually thinks I have 2 years worth of Interior Design experience, and I can't help feeling like I have bitten more than I can chew. This is really bad, really really bad.
My gawd, I really hate this job, really really hate it with a passion. This is really fucking bad, I actually missed working for my Dad, I miss my desk, I miss the run down lift, I miss the toilet, I miss being able to just open Facebook and chat with my friends, I miss getting packet lunch from the downstairs food court, bringing it to the office and eating it as I watched my TV Shows, I even miss taking the bus to go to the office and even though I really wish to go back, I can't, because I'm already 26 fucking years old and I cannot be relying on my Dad for work anymore.
Shit.
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