When I tell friends that I am looking for a job or have gotten a new job, I always get asked the same question...
"Why are you looking for a new job when you are working for your Dad? Aren't you planning to take over the company?"
... and I've always known the answer to that question but have never really been able to articulate it verbally, so most of the time, I just tell them my Dad isn't planning to hand it down and let that be the reason, but of course, it's really not so simple.
When I think of a child taking over their parent's business, I would think of rich families, big companies with over a hundred employees that needs to be managed, or small businesses like bakeries and supply stores, what these type of companies have in common is a strong business foundation, one that has been laid out by the founder before they pass the mantle down to their children to take over the business, these foundation could be things like workers, recipes, suppliers or clients, things that a person could actually take over, manage and allow the business to remain successful or at the very least, keep in running.
In my case, my Dad company doesn't have any of those, my Dad's company isn't something I could take over and manage because my Dad IS the company. He doesn't sit in his office all day and wait for projects to come to him, clients don't come flocking to him with business proposals for him to sign, he is the one who goes out and look for projects to do, he is the one who meets up with potential clients to discuss business proposals. The clients don't make business deals with him because of the company's reputation, they agree to the do business with him because they trust in his ability to get the job done.
If this was a big company, then it wouldn't just be the reputation of 1 man that would make the company a reliable company in the eyes of the client, it would be the reputation of maybe a dozen experienced senior project managers that would make the company reliable, it would be the company's brand, so even if the boss left the company to his child, the company would still have it's reputable brand in the form of the senior project managers that are still working under the company.
But let's assume that I take over my Dad's company one day, what will I end up doing there?
Look for and manage similar projects he has been handling all this time? Architectural projects I have no business or interest in dealing with, me, an Interior Design Diploma holder? Fuck No.
I'm not being groomed by my Dad to take over his company when I was working for him, I'm just there to do miscellaneous admin work such as help the accountant tabulate company finances, preparing PowerPoint slides for my Dad to present to his clients and in the rare occasions, do some Interior Space Planning for the residential projects he would get once in a blue moon. I'm there as the errand boy, the kid who goes to his Dad's place to work so he could earn some extra money during his down time.
He has asked me to return back to his company since I told him I had left my previous design firm, telling me he would probably train me up, but it training me to become his successor, it's training me so I can cover the job for one of his employee who is leaving the company next month, an employee who submits approval forms online. I mean should I choose not to return, he has told me that he will just hire another foreign worker to do the job.
There's really nothing for me to take over, he really has no intention to groom me to take over his company one day and vice versa, so I really don't see why I should stay there any longer, sure, it may bring me a steady and generous flow of income every month, but this won't be long term, he will have to retire one day and what skills would I have gained from working for him when he does choose to retire at the age of 70 and I'm out of a job at my mid-thirties to early-forties? I will end up be looking for entry level administrative job at at age and it's honestly a really really sad thought, positions that are normally applied by mothers who are looking for a job to bring in some extra cash while their children are at school.
That is why I am choosing not to return to his company anymore, I have become too comfortable with my life the past 2 years and it's really time to buckle up and start looking for a real job like a 26 year old should.
Job Update.
I have recently found another job and have gone for 2 rounds of interview with that company. So far it has met every criteria I have set and the only thing left is for them to give me a call and let me know my starting date.
Third time's the charm? I hope I won't leave this new job in a record breaking time of 2.5 hours.
Sunday 30 October 2016
Thursday 20 October 2016
The Day After
It's been a day since I resigned from my job and I'm just staying at home, contemplating on what to do with life.
Am I glad I left the company? Yes.
Do I have any regrets? Yes.
My regret from whole experience is joining the company, that is my biggest regret because had I not been in such a rush to get a job of my own, I would have thought about the decision a little more, turned down the offer and not feel like such a quitter.
2.5 days is really really short and even though it will obviously not be reflected on my resume, I may be a quitter but I'm not retarded, it's will be something that is going to be bugging me for a while.
This experience is pretty similar to what I went through when I first entered the F&B Industry, I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted in a job, I was just happy I was no longer working in that design firm anymore, so I settled for the first baker position I was being offered and it was through that first position did I finally get a clearer picture and better understanding of what exactly I was looking for, to bake in a bakery that specializes in cakes, not in a restaurant.
So after having some time to think things over about my current situation, I've gotten a slightly clearer picture of exactly I want am looking for should I find another Sales Designer Position.
1. I want a position that focuses on design and project management, not one that also expects me to focus on the technical drawings. The whole reason why I chose to look for a position as a Sales Designer is because most of the time, Sales Designer are not expected to do any sort of drafting, that was left for the In-House Designers.
From my own experience, I've come to conclude that there are 2 kinds of job an Interior Design Diploma holder can find.
I avoid looking for drafting positions because it's a very boring job and I'm just not good at AutoCAD. I'm in general not confident in my software abilities, so any position that requires me to have "an extensive knowledge in AutoCAD, 3DS Max & Sketch-Up" automatically becomes a position I'm too under qualified to apply.
If I were to look for a position as a Sales Designer, then I do not want to be doing any sort of drafting, that means serve AutoCAD a restraining order and get it at least 100 meters away from me at all time, same thing applies to 3DS Max and Sketch-Up, I do not want to be in contact with any of those software, I want someone else to be my proxy and do the technical drawings and 3D Renderings for me.
The position I had applied for at the company was one that essentially combined the 2 job types together and turned it into this one single fucking job I absolutely abhorred, a Sales Designer with Drafting duties.
2. I want a job that would allow me to be a Freelance Interior Designer, that means one that comes with Flexible Working Hours, or a full commission based job, it sounds weird right now because I was all about stability a few months ago, but I've come to realize that I'm not someone who's able to commit to a job.
I don't want to have to wake up every morning and report to work at 9.00 am to 6.00 pm, Monday to Friday.
I want to have the freedom to control my workload and not be encumbered, I want to choose when I want to have projects to do and when I want to take a break, I don't want to have a sales quota set by the company that needs to be met at the end of every month, because I'm obligated to, just because I'm receiving a basic pay from them every month.
Becoming a Freelance Interior Designer is the end goal, it would allow me to actually start sourcing for my own customers in the future without the need of a company to back me up, essentially allowing me to become my own boss, that's the whole reason why I wanted to give Sales Designing a try.
3. If "training will be provided", please at least let the trainer be someone who's competent in teaching, someone who has experienced in teaching new guys in the ins and outs of the job, someone who knows what to teach and what not to teach, the senior designer that was assign to me was a great Interior Designer, but he wasn't a great teacher.
On the first day of work, he told me..
"If you have a better way of working, then let me know, I don't want to tell you how to do your work."
...and so I told him my way of working, which included what software I preferred using and how I did my designing, to which he tells me that I have been doing things all wrong, that I should be following his way of working because his is the right way. Contradictory much? Needless to say, I really had a hard time adjusting after that, one that was completely unnecessary because the method I was using has been proven to work, it was the method I had learned from another Design Firm.
4. It would be great if the company will have more local workers than foreign workers. Being a part of a company that encompasses almost 90% Malaysian isn't really ideal for me. I don't want to feel like a minority at my own workplace, in my own country.
I know foreign talents are cheaper to hire because there isn't a need to pay for their CPF, but come'on, even if it ratio of employees in the company isn't Singaporeans > Foreigners, at least make it 50/50. I mean everyone I spoke to had a Malaysian Accent in the company, I don't want to end up speaking in a Malaysian accent 6 months down the road.
So I'm now back on Jobstreet trying to look for other positions in Interior Design and really scrutinizing every job requirement and responsibility before I apply.
22/10/2016 Update.
I had some time to think it through and I honestly still want to become an Interior Designer, the reason I quit the job wasn't because I hated Interior Design, the reason I left the company was because it just wasn't a good fit with me, reasons stated above.
I wasn't willing to learn because I didn't want to be there, I just really didn't want to work there. So I'm going to give this one more shot, just like I did with my F&B career, one real and proper shot before I throw in the towel because honestly, if I don't, I really don't know what else I should do.
Am I glad I left the company? Yes.
Do I have any regrets? Yes.
My regret from whole experience is joining the company, that is my biggest regret because had I not been in such a rush to get a job of my own, I would have thought about the decision a little more, turned down the offer and not feel like such a quitter.
2.5 days is really really short and even though it will obviously not be reflected on my resume, I may be a quitter but I'm not retarded, it's will be something that is going to be bugging me for a while.
This experience is pretty similar to what I went through when I first entered the F&B Industry, I wasn't sure what exactly I wanted in a job, I was just happy I was no longer working in that design firm anymore, so I settled for the first baker position I was being offered and it was through that first position did I finally get a clearer picture and better understanding of what exactly I was looking for, to bake in a bakery that specializes in cakes, not in a restaurant.
So after having some time to think things over about my current situation, I've gotten a slightly clearer picture of exactly I want am looking for should I find another Sales Designer Position.
1. I want a position that focuses on design and project management, not one that also expects me to focus on the technical drawings. The whole reason why I chose to look for a position as a Sales Designer is because most of the time, Sales Designer are not expected to do any sort of drafting, that was left for the In-House Designers.
From my own experience, I've come to conclude that there are 2 kinds of job an Interior Design Diploma holder can find.
1. A Draftsman or In-House Designer
2. A Sales Designer.
(Don't really need a diploma for Sales Designers but it's the closest thing to a real Interior Design job)
I avoid looking for drafting positions because it's a very boring job and I'm just not good at AutoCAD. I'm in general not confident in my software abilities, so any position that requires me to have "an extensive knowledge in AutoCAD, 3DS Max & Sketch-Up" automatically becomes a position I'm too under qualified to apply.
If I were to look for a position as a Sales Designer, then I do not want to be doing any sort of drafting, that means serve AutoCAD a restraining order and get it at least 100 meters away from me at all time, same thing applies to 3DS Max and Sketch-Up, I do not want to be in contact with any of those software, I want someone else to be my proxy and do the technical drawings and 3D Renderings for me.
The position I had applied for at the company was one that essentially combined the 2 job types together and turned it into this one single fucking job I absolutely abhorred, a Sales Designer with Drafting duties.
2. I want a job that would allow me to be a Freelance Interior Designer, that means one that comes with Flexible Working Hours, or a full commission based job, it sounds weird right now because I was all about stability a few months ago, but I've come to realize that I'm not someone who's able to commit to a job.
I don't want to have to wake up every morning and report to work at 9.00 am to 6.00 pm, Monday to Friday.
I want to have the freedom to control my workload and not be encumbered, I want to choose when I want to have projects to do and when I want to take a break, I don't want to have a sales quota set by the company that needs to be met at the end of every month, because I'm obligated to, just because I'm receiving a basic pay from them every month.
Becoming a Freelance Interior Designer is the end goal, it would allow me to actually start sourcing for my own customers in the future without the need of a company to back me up, essentially allowing me to become my own boss, that's the whole reason why I wanted to give Sales Designing a try.
3. If "training will be provided", please at least let the trainer be someone who's competent in teaching, someone who has experienced in teaching new guys in the ins and outs of the job, someone who knows what to teach and what not to teach, the senior designer that was assign to me was a great Interior Designer, but he wasn't a great teacher.
On the first day of work, he told me..
"If you have a better way of working, then let me know, I don't want to tell you how to do your work."
...and so I told him my way of working, which included what software I preferred using and how I did my designing, to which he tells me that I have been doing things all wrong, that I should be following his way of working because his is the right way. Contradictory much? Needless to say, I really had a hard time adjusting after that, one that was completely unnecessary because the method I was using has been proven to work, it was the method I had learned from another Design Firm.
4. It would be great if the company will have more local workers than foreign workers. Being a part of a company that encompasses almost 90% Malaysian isn't really ideal for me. I don't want to feel like a minority at my own workplace, in my own country.
I know foreign talents are cheaper to hire because there isn't a need to pay for their CPF, but come'on, even if it ratio of employees in the company isn't Singaporeans > Foreigners, at least make it 50/50. I mean everyone I spoke to had a Malaysian Accent in the company, I don't want to end up speaking in a Malaysian accent 6 months down the road.
So I'm now back on Jobstreet trying to look for other positions in Interior Design and really scrutinizing every job requirement and responsibility before I apply.
22/10/2016 Update.
I had some time to think it through and I honestly still want to become an Interior Designer, the reason I quit the job wasn't because I hated Interior Design, the reason I left the company was because it just wasn't a good fit with me, reasons stated above.
I wasn't willing to learn because I didn't want to be there, I just really didn't want to work there. So I'm going to give this one more shot, just like I did with my F&B career, one real and proper shot before I throw in the towel because honestly, if I don't, I really don't know what else I should do.
Tuesday 18 October 2016
Third Day. Also sucks but not really
Third day of work did not go the way I had planned, but it happened the way I had hoped it would.
The day started off with me waking up an hour earlier to do a site visit with my senior desginer, the meeting time was 8.45 am at Caldecott MRT, being the new guy, I decided to reach a little earlier and was there by 8.40 am.
There isn't any place to seat except the toilet, so I went to the toilet and decided to take a 5 minute dump, making sure to bring a lot of toilet paper from the toilet paper dispenser outside of the cubicle, like a ridiculous amount. I forced out whatever I could and was done in 5 minutes, leaving a trial of toilet paper behind as I left the toilet. I would have taken longer but I was afraid the senior designer would not be able to find me when he arrived.
8.45 am became 8.50 am, 8.50 am eventually became 9.00 am. Thinking that maybe he had forgotten about me and went to the site first, I send him a message on Whatsapp telling him I was already at the control station, he replies promptly telling me he was on the way, and that I should check out how to reach the site. During the 15 minutes prior to actually messaging him, I had already checked how to get to the site because I had nothing else to do, so that was that.
He arrives at 9.10 am and doesn't even apologies for being almost half an hour late, he just asked me which exit we should take and exchanged a quick hello. The entire journey to the site was just silence, I didn't really feel like talking because I didn't feel obligated to speak to him and he also remained quiet the entire time. I mean I'm already one foot out of the company, so there really isn't any point in trying to forge a friendship with any of them if I'm probably never gonna contact again anymore in the future, when I had lunch with him and a few other colleagues yesterday, I just kept thinking, "I'm going to be gone by next week" and visualizing myself reporting to work next Monday just didn't seem like something that would happen, so for the entire time during lunch, I was just very distant from them, I was cordial and friendly, but I wasn't actively trying to get closer to them.
Anyways, when we reached the site, the home owners invited us into their new home, it was empty, warm and just really awkward. I didn't really introduce myself to them, so the two of them kinda just looked at me really confused until my senior designer introduced me to them.
Just Tim, for all they know, I could have been a random stranger plucked from the street and send to their house to sweat, because I did, profusely, as I was busy measuring the condo unit.
I really didn't know exactly what to measure, so I just walked around the house and measured when I felt like it as the senior designer walked around the house with the couple and I guess talk to them some Interior Design jargon, and then more people came in and I find out later that they are the fengshui masters.
The senior designer proceeded to guide me and told me the measurements he wanted and that was that. The drawings I had done prior to doing the measuring were pretty much bigger than the house, so that was awesome, knowing that when I went back to the office, adjustment of the AutoCAD plan awaits me.
The trip back to the office was equally quiet and on our first train ride, I was just staring blankly into space while he was busy playing with his phone. The entire time I was just thinking of how miserable that site visit felt and how much I wanted to quit, the feeling of working at the first Interior Design firm just came rushing back and I kept wondering how I should tell the boss about my intention to resign.
When we were switching trains and waiting for the next one, I decided to start a conversation with the senior designer with the goal of letting him know of my intention to quit.
"So when you first started, did they ask you to sign any confirmation letter?"
That was my way in to open the conversation, and after a few minutes, he kinda realized where I was going, and we started to talk a bit more, him telling me that if the job wasn't something I expected, I should not waste my time and in my head, I was just agreeing with him. Had this job actually been a good fit with me or if we had been classmates at design school, I think I would have been able to become friends with him, but alas, we met under unfortunate circumstances and I just wasn't feeling very sociable to start conversations and know him better.
When we finally got back to the office, he actually helped me talk to the boss and that was it, the boss was alright with letting me go and send his HR Personnel to talk to me. I told her my reasons and she was also really nice about it, of course I kept apologizing to her, telling her I felt bad for wasting their time, seeing how they had already set up a company email account for me and told her that I don't expect to get paid for my 2.5 days of work, I really didn't do much, she however insisted and told me she will bank it in for me once it is ready.
After I completed the floor plan for the designer and did the necessary adjustment, I just left the office. I thanked the senior designer for his guidance and he didn't really responded to that, like he literally looked like he didn't hear me, so I just walked off and that is it, I'm now no longer an Interior Designer at that firm anymore.
2.5 days, that's how long it took for me to give up on this job, the last one took me 2.5 to 3 weeks, this one took just days, the next time I make the mistake of getting into Interior Design again, it will probably take only 2.5 hours before I throw in the towel.
So now, I'm just a confused 26 year old man child who doesn't know what he's future career path is going to be like. I'm pretty much fucked, but right now, I'm just glad I don't have to wake up early tomorrow and drag myself to work at that design firm. This happiness will probably only be a temporary joy,
I'm not sure if I will wake up one day and just think "What the fuck have I done with this golden opportunity?". But just to remind the future me, this job was not a good fit at all, it encompasses everything I hated with Interior Designing, which were mainly drafting and the constant need to travel to sites.
My AutoCAD wasn't good, so to see the senior designer just going through his AutoCAD drawings at lightning speed compared to mine was honestly very demoralizing, and I heard the company had plans to hire even more designers, just the thought of those newer designers being many times more capable then I am despite my seniority in the company is quite disparaging.
I used to think I could have stayed in the first Interior Design company if I hadn't been so drawn into baking, had I stayed there until now, I would have probably made a shit ton of money, be able to buy a car and be busy busy busy, calling contractors every few hours, speaking to client like I know shit and just being a professional Interior Designer, but as it turns out with this current job experience, I just really do not enjoy the process of Interior Design at all. Like how most people enjoy looking at pretty cakes and wished they could make them, but then are turned off by the idea when they realize the different steps and components that are needed to actually bake a cake and the mess that follows.
There were actually moments during my 2.5 days there when I imagined myself in the future, looking back and thinking of the time I actually wanted to quit but am really loving my job right now(in the future I have painted in my head that is), but sadly, there was just no reason to stay there, I didn't clique with anyone and I honestly felt like the odd one out because literally everyone except the 2 bosses are foreigners, mostly Malaysians, if I had found someone I could clique with there, then maybe I could have made myself stay there in order to forge a proper friendship with that person, but no such person existed.
So yeah, to the future me who's deciding to maybe get back into Interior Design again, think back to the time when I would wake up early in the morning and start searching things like...
...or the times when I would take a toilet break and start googling them. It was a miserable experience I would really rather not live through again.
I'm actually really lethargic right now because I haven't been getting enough sleep for the past 2 nights, just thinking about how to leave the job.
The day started off with me waking up an hour earlier to do a site visit with my senior desginer, the meeting time was 8.45 am at Caldecott MRT, being the new guy, I decided to reach a little earlier and was there by 8.40 am.
There isn't any place to seat except the toilet, so I went to the toilet and decided to take a 5 minute dump, making sure to bring a lot of toilet paper from the toilet paper dispenser outside of the cubicle, like a ridiculous amount. I forced out whatever I could and was done in 5 minutes, leaving a trial of toilet paper behind as I left the toilet. I would have taken longer but I was afraid the senior designer would not be able to find me when he arrived.
8.45 am became 8.50 am, 8.50 am eventually became 9.00 am. Thinking that maybe he had forgotten about me and went to the site first, I send him a message on Whatsapp telling him I was already at the control station, he replies promptly telling me he was on the way, and that I should check out how to reach the site. During the 15 minutes prior to actually messaging him, I had already checked how to get to the site because I had nothing else to do, so that was that.
He arrives at 9.10 am and doesn't even apologies for being almost half an hour late, he just asked me which exit we should take and exchanged a quick hello. The entire journey to the site was just silence, I didn't really feel like talking because I didn't feel obligated to speak to him and he also remained quiet the entire time. I mean I'm already one foot out of the company, so there really isn't any point in trying to forge a friendship with any of them if I'm probably never gonna contact again anymore in the future, when I had lunch with him and a few other colleagues yesterday, I just kept thinking, "I'm going to be gone by next week" and visualizing myself reporting to work next Monday just didn't seem like something that would happen, so for the entire time during lunch, I was just very distant from them, I was cordial and friendly, but I wasn't actively trying to get closer to them.
Anyways, when we reached the site, the home owners invited us into their new home, it was empty, warm and just really awkward. I didn't really introduce myself to them, so the two of them kinda just looked at me really confused until my senior designer introduced me to them.
"This is Tim." he is going to be the assistant designer for this project
Just Tim, for all they know, I could have been a random stranger plucked from the street and send to their house to sweat, because I did, profusely, as I was busy measuring the condo unit.
I really didn't know exactly what to measure, so I just walked around the house and measured when I felt like it as the senior designer walked around the house with the couple and I guess talk to them some Interior Design jargon, and then more people came in and I find out later that they are the fengshui masters.
The senior designer proceeded to guide me and told me the measurements he wanted and that was that. The drawings I had done prior to doing the measuring were pretty much bigger than the house, so that was awesome, knowing that when I went back to the office, adjustment of the AutoCAD plan awaits me.
The trip back to the office was equally quiet and on our first train ride, I was just staring blankly into space while he was busy playing with his phone. The entire time I was just thinking of how miserable that site visit felt and how much I wanted to quit, the feeling of working at the first Interior Design firm just came rushing back and I kept wondering how I should tell the boss about my intention to resign.
When we were switching trains and waiting for the next one, I decided to start a conversation with the senior designer with the goal of letting him know of my intention to quit.
"So when you first started, did they ask you to sign any confirmation letter?"
That was my way in to open the conversation, and after a few minutes, he kinda realized where I was going, and we started to talk a bit more, him telling me that if the job wasn't something I expected, I should not waste my time and in my head, I was just agreeing with him. Had this job actually been a good fit with me or if we had been classmates at design school, I think I would have been able to become friends with him, but alas, we met under unfortunate circumstances and I just wasn't feeling very sociable to start conversations and know him better.
When we finally got back to the office, he actually helped me talk to the boss and that was it, the boss was alright with letting me go and send his HR Personnel to talk to me. I told her my reasons and she was also really nice about it, of course I kept apologizing to her, telling her I felt bad for wasting their time, seeing how they had already set up a company email account for me and told her that I don't expect to get paid for my 2.5 days of work, I really didn't do much, she however insisted and told me she will bank it in for me once it is ready.
After I completed the floor plan for the designer and did the necessary adjustment, I just left the office. I thanked the senior designer for his guidance and he didn't really responded to that, like he literally looked like he didn't hear me, so I just walked off and that is it, I'm now no longer an Interior Designer at that firm anymore.
2.5 days, that's how long it took for me to give up on this job, the last one took me 2.5 to 3 weeks, this one took just days, the next time I make the mistake of getting into Interior Design again, it will probably take only 2.5 hours before I throw in the towel.
So now, I'm just a confused 26 year old man child who doesn't know what he's future career path is going to be like. I'm pretty much fucked, but right now, I'm just glad I don't have to wake up early tomorrow and drag myself to work at that design firm. This happiness will probably only be a temporary joy,
I'm not sure if I will wake up one day and just think "What the fuck have I done with this golden opportunity?". But just to remind the future me, this job was not a good fit at all, it encompasses everything I hated with Interior Designing, which were mainly drafting and the constant need to travel to sites.
My AutoCAD wasn't good, so to see the senior designer just going through his AutoCAD drawings at lightning speed compared to mine was honestly very demoralizing, and I heard the company had plans to hire even more designers, just the thought of those newer designers being many times more capable then I am despite my seniority in the company is quite disparaging.
I used to think I could have stayed in the first Interior Design company if I hadn't been so drawn into baking, had I stayed there until now, I would have probably made a shit ton of money, be able to buy a car and be busy busy busy, calling contractors every few hours, speaking to client like I know shit and just being a professional Interior Designer, but as it turns out with this current job experience, I just really do not enjoy the process of Interior Design at all. Like how most people enjoy looking at pretty cakes and wished they could make them, but then are turned off by the idea when they realize the different steps and components that are needed to actually bake a cake and the mess that follows.
There were actually moments during my 2.5 days there when I imagined myself in the future, looking back and thinking of the time I actually wanted to quit but am really loving my job right now(in the future I have painted in my head that is), but sadly, there was just no reason to stay there, I didn't clique with anyone and I honestly felt like the odd one out because literally everyone except the 2 bosses are foreigners, mostly Malaysians, if I had found someone I could clique with there, then maybe I could have made myself stay there in order to forge a proper friendship with that person, but no such person existed.
So yeah, to the future me who's deciding to maybe get back into Interior Design again, think back to the time when I would wake up early in the morning and start searching things like...
"Quitting a job within the first week."
"Jobs feels like a wrong fit"
"How to quit on the first day of work?"
"How to quit on the second day of work?"
"Quitting on the third day of work"
...or the times when I would take a toilet break and start googling them. It was a miserable experience I would really rather not live through again.
I'm actually really lethargic right now because I haven't been getting enough sleep for the past 2 nights, just thinking about how to leave the job.
Still Sucks.
Day 2 of work is equally as bad as the first day, no shocker there.
The day started off with me continuing what I was doing yesterday, just struggling and getting very frustrated.
I spend the whole of today doing up a single space planning and finding reference pictures that will help the client understand what the fuck he or she will be looking at when they see the space planning.
The senior designer told me to look for pictures that have a "resort" feel to them because that's what the client wanted, so I did and I thought I hit the jackpot when I found out that there's a theme called Balinese, that's as "resort" feel as you are going to get. You want a resort, I'm going bring Bali to you.
I showed the pictures to the senior designer and was honestly not very confident about them, I mean I spend most of today thinking of how I should quit my job, wondering if I could just drop the boss and text and say "Oops, sorry, job is not for me, kthxbye", I didn't really care if I would be able to impress the senior designer with my pictures, I mean he is already probably getting a bit irritated by how slow I am working, the only thing he can feel about me is probably less irritated, plus he's younger than me and my inferiority complex kicks in every time I have speak to him like he's my boss.
Well, he wasn't impressed with my pictures because he said they were too Balinese, which kinda confused me a little because isn't that what the client wanted? A resort feel? That's fucking Balinese... and he goes...
"The client is looking for a more modern looking kind of resort feel, not Balinese, he wants more clean cut design."
And so I asked him
"So the client wants a modern hotel look?" and he goes...
"Yeah, something like that."
Ummm.....it ain't something like that, it is that. I spend the whole of yesterday narrowing my search to beach resort hotel feel and then today I get told that I have been searching for the wrong theme.
So I continued searching after lunch, did a bit of space planning and showed them to him, he looked through them and listened to me explain what I had in mind in terms of the design, which is really just me winging it, like I don't even know what I am trying to do because I am not familiar with the theme at all, and then he does the same thing again, he looks through my pictures and started telling me which ones were wrong. Almost all of them were wrong.
I did my research again and when it was about time to knock off, I showed the completed space planning to him as well as the pictures I had found, there really weren't many more, and well, he decided to not use my space planning after all because he said there were too many problems with it and just not enough time to fix them as we are going to meet the client tomorrow. He tells me to just knock off half an hour early and leave the pictures for him to comb through on his own, so I did that and left work today at 6.30 pm instead of 7.00 pm. Downside is I have to meet him at Caldecott MRT tomorrow at 8.45 am, thank God for the downtime line, but I also get to leave work at 6.00 pm to make up for it.
After today, I kind of realized the reason why I hate working as an Interior Designer, it's because I am assigned to a senior designer who is constantly telling me my design is bad and what reference images I had found are wrong, it's just very demoralizing and extremely frustrating. It happened during my 3 weeks at the first design firm and it's happening now, this time, much earlier.
Gosh, this just makes me miss working at my Dad's place even more. I would like to eat my lunch alone rather than have it with my colleagues and bask in the awkward silence together.
The day started off with me continuing what I was doing yesterday, just struggling and getting very frustrated.
I spend the whole of today doing up a single space planning and finding reference pictures that will help the client understand what the fuck he or she will be looking at when they see the space planning.
The senior designer told me to look for pictures that have a "resort" feel to them because that's what the client wanted, so I did and I thought I hit the jackpot when I found out that there's a theme called Balinese, that's as "resort" feel as you are going to get. You want a resort, I'm going bring Bali to you.
I showed the pictures to the senior designer and was honestly not very confident about them, I mean I spend most of today thinking of how I should quit my job, wondering if I could just drop the boss and text and say "Oops, sorry, job is not for me, kthxbye", I didn't really care if I would be able to impress the senior designer with my pictures, I mean he is already probably getting a bit irritated by how slow I am working, the only thing he can feel about me is probably less irritated, plus he's younger than me and my inferiority complex kicks in every time I have speak to him like he's my boss.
Well, he wasn't impressed with my pictures because he said they were too Balinese, which kinda confused me a little because isn't that what the client wanted? A resort feel? That's fucking Balinese... and he goes...
"The client is looking for a more modern looking kind of resort feel, not Balinese, he wants more clean cut design."
And so I asked him
"So the client wants a modern hotel look?" and he goes...
"Yeah, something like that."
Ummm.....it ain't something like that, it is that. I spend the whole of yesterday narrowing my search to beach resort hotel feel and then today I get told that I have been searching for the wrong theme.
So I continued searching after lunch, did a bit of space planning and showed them to him, he looked through them and listened to me explain what I had in mind in terms of the design, which is really just me winging it, like I don't even know what I am trying to do because I am not familiar with the theme at all, and then he does the same thing again, he looks through my pictures and started telling me which ones were wrong. Almost all of them were wrong.
I did my research again and when it was about time to knock off, I showed the completed space planning to him as well as the pictures I had found, there really weren't many more, and well, he decided to not use my space planning after all because he said there were too many problems with it and just not enough time to fix them as we are going to meet the client tomorrow. He tells me to just knock off half an hour early and leave the pictures for him to comb through on his own, so I did that and left work today at 6.30 pm instead of 7.00 pm. Downside is I have to meet him at Caldecott MRT tomorrow at 8.45 am, thank God for the downtime line, but I also get to leave work at 6.00 pm to make up for it.
After today, I kind of realized the reason why I hate working as an Interior Designer, it's because I am assigned to a senior designer who is constantly telling me my design is bad and what reference images I had found are wrong, it's just very demoralizing and extremely frustrating. It happened during my 3 weeks at the first design firm and it's happening now, this time, much earlier.
Gosh, this just makes me miss working at my Dad's place even more. I would like to eat my lunch alone rather than have it with my colleagues and bask in the awkward silence together.
Monday 17 October 2016
Job Sucks. Fuck
Today marks the first day of work, after 2 years of working for my Dad, I've finally spread my wings and found a job outside, but if today is any indication of how the job is going to be like for the next few months, then I'm very afraid I won't be able to last through my probation period.
My new colleagues are mostly Malaysians and they are quite a friendly bunch, completely different from my colleagues at my old design firm, but the only issue I have with this batch of colleagues is the fact that they are all mandarin speakers. I can speak Mandarin perfectly fine, after having to speak to my Dad's China colleague at work almost everyday, I can safely say my spoken Mandarin is now painfully average.
It being my first day on the job, I was assigned to a senior designer to gauge my skills, he is 2 years younger than me and that is totally fine, yup, it's alright, it does not make me feel inadequate at all, not one bit. He walks me around the office in the morning and introduces me to the colleges, when I have said my Hellos to everyone, we go back to our seats and he passes me a blank floor plan and instructs me to design the space.
Initially, I was very excited about doing the space planning, I thought I could finally show them that I am an adequate Interior Designer, show them that I am capable of doing space planning and that I am qualified for the job, those 2 years working for my Dad has got to be useful for something, and then the senior designer said something that pretty much send all that confidence I had crashing down....
"Trace out the floorplan on AutoCAD."
The reason why I applied for a Sales Position is so I can avoid using Auto-Fucking-CAD, so I can ask someone to do it for me while I sit beside them and tell them what I want as they magically make it appear in-front of my eyes.
I tried to reason and asked the Senior Designer if I could maybe use my Illustrator instead, it's a lot easier and saves way more time. I even brought my laptop with me in hopes that the boss would allow me to use Illustrator instead of AutoCAD, but I didn't even greet the boss when I saw him, I was too sian to bother greeting the boss when I was told I had to use AutoCAD.
I was given the Floorplan to trace out at about 11 am and I was stuck doing it pretty much until 3 pm. At one point, the senior designer kinda leaned over and told me it was already 3 pm, that I need to manage my time better because I still have to find reference images and do the actual space planning
I have never had the thought of quitting pop into my head so early into a job before.
Finding the reference images only made the whole ordeal worst because the project was trying to go for a "resort" feel. This is not a theme I am familiar with and it was not a theme I was interested in, so the search for those pictures ended up becoming a process of me mentally telling myself to stop thinking of quitting, to stop having this thoughts right now so early on. At one point the senior design got a bit impatient and started telling me the time again, asking me to "manage my time better", which I assume is his way of telling me to hurry the fuck up, because he had to go back soon.
So I told him, maybe I could do the Space Planning first, I always did the space planning first before looking for the images, and he goes..
"You should look for the images first, so you can draw inspiration from them in your designs, look at what other people are doing and learn from them..."
As he was telling me this, I was nodding my head but I really didn't want to listen to him at that moment, a part me me didn't want to because he was younger than me and I guess I had a little inferiority complex going on. But also, just let me do things the way I have been doing them... let me use my Illustrator to play around with the space, but he kept brushing me off and telling me to do things the way he did them, so I did, and with each passing moment, my frustration grew more and more.
Once I had gotten enough pictures, I showed them to him and he did that thing the designer at my previous design firm did which I really hated, he looked at the pictures and started pointing out the ones that didn't feel right to him, although I have to say, he was a lot more patient about it.
Out of the 18 pictures I had gotten over the 2 slow and painful hours, he only accepted 3 of them and said the rest didn't have the "resort" feel.
Like what the fuck is a resort theme suppose to even be like? I fucking hate it when people come up with these as themes for their houses.
"Oh, I want an air-con theme."
"Oh, I want the theme to be of life, I want my house to be lively"
"Oh, I want my house to look like a fucking hotel room that's facing the beach."
Pick Minimalism, Scandinavian or something more DISTINCT.
So my search for reference images continued and I tried to mix it up by doing a bit of space planning, thinking it would make the process slightly more bearable, until I remembered I was using Auto-fucking-CAD to do my space planning.
I did not manage to finish the assignment so I can only imagine what will happen tomorrow when I go to work and the senior designer finds out about that. Apparently the client is coming down on Wednesday, so that means either i have to complete the project by tomorrow or he will take over and then just report me to the boss for being unbelievably inadequate.
Now, I just wish the boss would fire me. Please just fire me right now, I really don't want to quit so just fire me for being a wrong fit. That one day there just reminded me of why I quit Interior Designing in the first place, because apart from wanting to bake 3 years ago, I just did not like working as an Interior Designer.
The many moments of just being completely lost and unaware is extremely extremely frustrating. The company actually thinks I have 2 years worth of Interior Design experience, and I can't help feeling like I have bitten more than I can chew. This is really bad, really really bad.
The many moments of just being completely lost and unaware is extremely extremely frustrating. The company actually thinks I have 2 years worth of Interior Design experience, and I can't help feeling like I have bitten more than I can chew. This is really bad, really really bad.
My gawd, I really hate this job, really really hate it with a passion. This is really fucking bad, I actually missed working for my Dad, I miss my desk, I miss the run down lift, I miss the toilet, I miss being able to just open Facebook and chat with my friends, I miss getting packet lunch from the downstairs food court, bringing it to the office and eating it as I watched my TV Shows, I even miss taking the bus to go to the office and even though I really wish to go back, I can't, because I'm already 26 fucking years old and I cannot be relying on my Dad for work anymore.
Shit.
Monday 3 October 2016
Job Update : Still Stuck
I've recently been invited for an Interview at an Interior Design Firm but had to turn them down after giving much thought.
The interview was suppose to be happening tomorrow, but I kind of cancelled it last minute today, problem right now is I'm not sure if the company has received my email about my withdrawal because the boss isn't replying to them.
Most of the time, if I withdraw from an Interview, I would at least get a confirmation email from the boss or the PR person that they have received my email, something like...
....or at least something simple like...
But right now, because of the lack of any sort of reply from the company, I'm not sure if the boss has seen my email or not, which is extremely frustrating, because if he didn't and I don't turn up for the interview, it's going to leave a mark on my Jobstreet Profile, which will make future hunts for jobs a lot harder.
Reason why I decided to withdraw my application is because...
1. This company wasn't one that I wanted to join, it was join one of the many companies I had blindly applied for out of desperation.
2. I actually got a reply from the Interior Design firm I wanted to join, like out of the blue today, almost a month after my interview with them.
If the Firm I wanted to join got back to me, then I also don't really want to waste my time going for an Interview for a job at a company I did not want to join at all in the first place. Technically, the Firm wasn't offering me a job, but simply asking me if I was still interested in the position, of course I said yes, but ask why they are still offering the position a month after the interview, they have yet to reply me and I'm starting to wonder if asking the question was such a good idea.
3. I heard that the economy has been pretty bad lately, so a lot of company are not hiring at the moment and rather than just settling for a random company now, it would be wiser for me to wait for the economy to get better and start applying for jobs when companies that are more well known and established start to hire, that way, I might even be able to score a job that doesn't involve doing Sales.
So in conclusion, my plan is as follow, the Firm that got back to me will probably be the last Design Firm I will consider joining, if I can't land a job there, then I am going to stop job hunting and will just wait it out till the end of the year when the economy will hopefully improve. I have a job now and even though it may not be the job that I want to be doing at 26 years old, at least it's providing me with a generous income, although I haven't actually been paid for the last 2 months.
The interview was suppose to be happening tomorrow, but I kind of cancelled it last minute today, problem right now is I'm not sure if the company has received my email about my withdrawal because the boss isn't replying to them.
Most of the time, if I withdraw from an Interview, I would at least get a confirmation email from the boss or the PR person that they have received my email, something like...
"No problem, good luck with your future endeavors"
....or at least something simple like...
"Noted" or "Okay"
But right now, because of the lack of any sort of reply from the company, I'm not sure if the boss has seen my email or not, which is extremely frustrating, because if he didn't and I don't turn up for the interview, it's going to leave a mark on my Jobstreet Profile, which will make future hunts for jobs a lot harder.
Reason why I decided to withdraw my application is because...
1. This company wasn't one that I wanted to join, it was join one of the many companies I had blindly applied for out of desperation.
2. I actually got a reply from the Interior Design firm I wanted to join, like out of the blue today, almost a month after my interview with them.
If the Firm I wanted to join got back to me, then I also don't really want to waste my time going for an Interview for a job at a company I did not want to join at all in the first place. Technically, the Firm wasn't offering me a job, but simply asking me if I was still interested in the position, of course I said yes, but ask why they are still offering the position a month after the interview, they have yet to reply me and I'm starting to wonder if asking the question was such a good idea.
3. I heard that the economy has been pretty bad lately, so a lot of company are not hiring at the moment and rather than just settling for a random company now, it would be wiser for me to wait for the economy to get better and start applying for jobs when companies that are more well known and established start to hire, that way, I might even be able to score a job that doesn't involve doing Sales.
So in conclusion, my plan is as follow, the Firm that got back to me will probably be the last Design Firm I will consider joining, if I can't land a job there, then I am going to stop job hunting and will just wait it out till the end of the year when the economy will hopefully improve. I have a job now and even though it may not be the job that I want to be doing at 26 years old, at least it's providing me with a generous income, although I haven't actually been paid for the last 2 months.
Sunday 2 October 2016
I did not enjoy Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculair Children
As someone who has read and enjoyed Miss Peregrine's Home for Peculiar Children Trilogy, I was very excited when the writer announced that Tim Burton was going to make a film adaptation out of it.
The news of the movie came after I had completed reading the 2nd book, Hollow City and was in the midst of reading the final book, Library of Souls. When I read and saw the cast for the main characters, Emma and Jake, reading the books only made it that much more easier for me to picture the characters in my head, and with Eva Green playing Miss Peregrine, I thought this movie was going to be perfect, despite Miss Peregrine being a lot older in the novels, my appreciation for Eva Green was able to look past that.
And then the official pictures came out and I noticed something was wrong.
In the books, Emma, one of the main characters, had the peculiarity of Fire.
Needless to say, the comments section of the website that posted the first look was filled with confused fans. In fact, it's not just confusion between Emma and Olive....
I am not even gonna get started on the other characters who are almost unrecognizable in the film because of how much creative liberties Tim Burton took from the source material.
And then I went to watch the movie yesterday with my friend and boy did I have a hard time adjusting. Every time I see Olive in the movie, I kept thinking that is Emma and every time I see Emma in the movie, I keep thinking why the fuck is she floating around when she should be lighting things on fire.
Even the abilities Emma(Film Version)/ Olive (Novel Version) were slightly tweaked, Olive, in the books, was lighter than air, that was it, but in the film, her abilities were powered up and she was given the peculiarity of Air.
As if making the characters in the film unrecognizable for fans of the novels wasn't bad enough, the actor who played Jake had such bad acting it just made scenes with him around feel very awkward, it's like watching a male version of Kristen Stewart.
The ending for this movie, needless to say, was completely different from the novels, Tim Burton decided to make an ending for this movie that would prevent it from having any future sequels, and even if a sequel could happen, it would have to deviate from the books a lot more than the first film already did.
So overall, the movie was pretty shit for me and probably for anyone who has ever read the books, a lot of details were ruined and I just hated the direction Tim Burton decided to take, I actually find it hard to believe that the writer was actually alright with what Tim Burton was doing to his material.
Maybe if I hadn't read the novels, I would enjoy the movie a bit more because my friend did enjoy the movie, but sadly, I did read the novels and seeing how this movie ended, it's just unfortunate that the much more interesting and exciting stories from the next 2 books will never see a film adaptation ever.
He has 3 books to draw material from to create a movie but he only glances through the first book and makes one really shitty one. For fuck sake, if you are gonna take so much creative liberties from the source material, just go make your own fucking movie and call it something else so another director can actually do a better job at making a proper adaptation and also give us, the fans of the novel, the 2 sequels the franchise deserves.
It's so aggravating, thinking of all the books like Hunger Games, Divergent, Harry Potter etc being able to get proper film adaptions and being able to spawn sequels and then Miss Peregrine Home for Peculiar Children just has the worst luck to get Tim Burton to ruin everything. To think I had high hopes for this movie because of Eva Green and Tim Burton and it was the latter who had to completely ruin everything.
The news of the movie came after I had completed reading the 2nd book, Hollow City and was in the midst of reading the final book, Library of Souls. When I read and saw the cast for the main characters, Emma and Jake, reading the books only made it that much more easier for me to picture the characters in my head, and with Eva Green playing Miss Peregrine, I thought this movie was going to be perfect, despite Miss Peregrine being a lot older in the novels, my appreciation for Eva Green was able to look past that.
And then the official pictures came out and I noticed something was wrong.
 |
| First Look. Something's wrong. |
 |
| Emma Bloom |
When I first saw this picture, I thought, Emma looked pretty on point, with her gloves and red hair, she was also looking the same age as she was suppose to be in the book, maybe a bit older but it's close enough. And then I realize, that is not the actress who is playing Emma, the actress who is playing Emma is the one of the extreme right.
Why is she wearing the boots Olive is suppose to be wearing, What the fuck is going on? If she is playing Emma, then who the hell is that Emma looking girl on the left?
 |
| Olive Abroholos Elephanta |
This is Olive, she is a little girl who is lighter than air and needs to wear a pair of heavy boots made of lead to prevent her from floating away.
Needless to say, the comments section of the website that posted the first look was filled with confused fans. In fact, it's not just confusion between Emma and Olive....
 |
| A little too much creative liberties were taken with the film. |
So here are the issues with the very first picture I saw, as a fan of the Novels.
1. Emma is spot on, if she was actually Emma, but no, ruin that perfect pick by calling her Olive why won't you.
2. Brownyn is suppose to be a lot older, she is the big sister figure in the books and here we have some little kid playing Brownyn, like what the fuck? The character dynamics completely changed because of that.
3. Millard is suppose to be a teenager in the books, not a young child.
4. The twins are not part of Miss Peregrine's Home , or at least they don't make an appearance in the book at all except showing up in pictures.
5. Olive is suppose to be a little girl and someone Brownyn really looks out for as a younger sister, I mean look at the age of the 2 characters, it's suppose to be reversed, or much older for Brownyn and much younger for Olive.
I am not even gonna get started on the other characters who are almost unrecognizable in the film because of how much creative liberties Tim Burton took from the source material.
And then I went to watch the movie yesterday with my friend and boy did I have a hard time adjusting. Every time I see Olive in the movie, I kept thinking that is Emma and every time I see Emma in the movie, I keep thinking why the fuck is she floating around when she should be lighting things on fire.
Even the abilities Emma(Film Version)/ Olive (Novel Version) were slightly tweaked, Olive, in the books, was lighter than air, that was it, but in the film, her abilities were powered up and she was given the peculiarity of Air.
 |
| Olive can't pull this shit off in the books, at all. |
As if making the characters in the film unrecognizable for fans of the novels wasn't bad enough, the actor who played Jake had such bad acting it just made scenes with him around feel very awkward, it's like watching a male version of Kristen Stewart.
The ending for this movie, needless to say, was completely different from the novels, Tim Burton decided to make an ending for this movie that would prevent it from having any future sequels, and even if a sequel could happen, it would have to deviate from the books a lot more than the first film already did.
So overall, the movie was pretty shit for me and probably for anyone who has ever read the books, a lot of details were ruined and I just hated the direction Tim Burton decided to take, I actually find it hard to believe that the writer was actually alright with what Tim Burton was doing to his material.
Maybe if I hadn't read the novels, I would enjoy the movie a bit more because my friend did enjoy the movie, but sadly, I did read the novels and seeing how this movie ended, it's just unfortunate that the much more interesting and exciting stories from the next 2 books will never see a film adaptation ever.
He has 3 books to draw material from to create a movie but he only glances through the first book and makes one really shitty one. For fuck sake, if you are gonna take so much creative liberties from the source material, just go make your own fucking movie and call it something else so another director can actually do a better job at making a proper adaptation and also give us, the fans of the novel, the 2 sequels the franchise deserves.
It's so aggravating, thinking of all the books like Hunger Games, Divergent, Harry Potter etc being able to get proper film adaptions and being able to spawn sequels and then Miss Peregrine Home for Peculiar Children just has the worst luck to get Tim Burton to ruin everything. To think I had high hopes for this movie because of Eva Green and Tim Burton and it was the latter who had to completely ruin everything.
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