Sunday was still a relatively tough day to sit through, but it wasn't as bad as Saturday and definitely did not hit the same kind of low as Friday evening.
I had zero appetite the entire day, so I skipped my morning coffee and only had water in the morning, I didn't eat breakfast and lunch, felt lethargic the whole day and just really down in general, I would return back to normalcy every once in a while and my mood will stabilize, so I did end up having enough appetite during that period of normalcy to eat a slice of Hershey's Chocolate Pie.
I guess being physically sick also didn't help because of my cough, block nose and jaw ache. Saw a doctor at the private clinic near my place to get medication for it, the total bill came up to $98, which is nuts because the Polyclinic bill from Saturday's trip was only $40, and that was along with like 60 anti-depressant pills, which I am not planning to touch because the side effects of that pill isn't something I want to go through. There is a very valid reason why most people would go to the Polyclinic instead of Private Clinics, but I was honestly too lazy to take a bus over and spend an hour there, so I paid more and managed to see the doctor, get my medication and leave within 20 minutes.
Came back home from the clinic, was in and out of that depressive state, but I think I did notice that I was able to snap out of it a lot quicker now, I don't stay too depress for too long anymore, it never did hit quite as bad as Friday evening.
The evening was spend at a restaurant with my family to celebrate Father's day, being outside and with family definitely helped take my mind off whatever is going on internally, my baby nephew was also a great source of entertainment during that dinner period, along with my Sister's dog, although a lot of attention was definitely on the human child.
Happy to say when I got back home, I think my mood did stabilize a lot more, it didn't hit as hard anymore and I would like to think that it is because I just really needed time to process everything. The reason why it hit so hard on Friday was because that was the day right after I confessed to that person, and that person left me on read like the inconsiderate fuck they are...
... and I had way too much time to just keep thinking about it on Friday evening because I had nothing else to look forward to and think about for the weekend.
Anyways, it's Monday morning now, I will be visiting the Therapist today, I think I will be going in with a clear mind and should be able to talk to her a lot more coherently about what is going on, we might end up focusing more on my career stuff than that stupid red flag fuck who had been causing me all the emotional turmoil, because I think that red flag fuck is a trigger point, but I already had a lot of underlying issues that I had to deal with before that.
Update : After meeting the Therapist.
It was a pretty good session, I was able to talk freely to the Therapist about what I was going through and because I had really done a lot of introspection through blogging about my experience, she told me I was actually extremely self aware about everything that is happening to me.
She made an assessment based on what she noticed and told me I probably just have an Anxious Personality trait and not so much depression, a personality trait which could potentially lead to a disorder if I don't keep it in check, and she told me what I am feeling, this sadness, is normal, especially because it was the first time I was giving dating a chance and I ended up investing way too much emotion into it due to 35 years of pent up excitement from being single, which is also something I am aware of. She was telling me a lot of things that I am already aware of, so there really wasn't too much of an Eureka moment for me, but to blabber and talk about my feelings and the experience I had with the dating app, which I had a lot to say because I had to explain the parties involved, the lead up to my sadness, it was A LOT of building to have her see the full picture, and she did, and she expressed that aside from my Anxious Personality, the other party is also, really, a selfish piece of shit, well she used the word selfish, I just added in the piece of shit at the back to really drive my point across.
I had really hoped we could have extended the therapy for an hour or 2 longer to be honest, I really had so much I wanted to talk about, there was just so much background I had to build-up, but then as I was about to introduce another person into my experience, she told me I only had 5 minutes left and we couldn't stay longer because someone else had booked the room we were using, which was a bummer.
Next session is in 2 weeks, hopefully I will be in a much better space by then, appetite has returned and I am feeling quite lethargic, almost feel like crashing out because of bad sleep and the lack of proper meals over the weekend.
My boss actually gave me the day off, but I still decided to come back to the office anyway because going home and just being in my room the whole day won't help me a lot. The plan was to get some work done, but sadly, I don't have the attention span to do that now.
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