Feb Life Updates.

Life Updates and Photo Dump.

24th Jan.

Fitstop Classes have now become a routine for me, I go for an average of 4 sessions per week and it has been great for my mental health and overall general fitness. Form still needs a lot of correcting when it comes to working with dumbbells and barbells, but there has been a definite improvement in my overall fitness level.

 

On this day, I went for a class with my friend, we had lunch afterwards, this photo was taken whilst I was waiting for her and her wife (who happens to be the co-founder) to close up the gym. She has been my social anchor for Saturday classes because those sessions are always packed and it's nice to go to such classes knowing there will at least be a friend present in class that I can approach and group up with.

After our meal, I headed over to her place with her to chill while her wife had a Private Coaching session to attend, my plan had been to go to check out her place and leave within maybe 2 hours, but I ended up staying pretty late. She was very generous and kept offering me booze, so I had many many many cups of alchochol, even though I am not a drinker and couldn't appreicate the many cups of liquor.

One of her friend, whom I have met at the gym class before, came over mid-way through, so my friend offered to cook for us and started preparing dinner, then her wife joined us afterwards, I even ended up meeting her wife's Mum at night, it was quite unexpected. 

I felt socially fufilled that day and at that moment, I just felt really happy that I had made the choice to join the gym and had the chance and a reason to reconnect with her.

7th Feb.

I started swiping on Hinge again, matched with a few profiles and ended up going for a meal with this one guy I had been chatting with for 2 weeks or so.

We met at Outram and then walked over to Marina Bay Link Mall with the intention to get Egg Coffee from this cafe called TON Coffee, but before that, both of us were actually really hungry, I had attended a gym class that morning (without my friend because she had gone for a holiday trip to Japan), and I hadn't had anything to eat since.

We settled for this place that sells Hong Kong Diner style food, it was alright. I have to say, I was actually quite pleasaently surprised at how natural the conversation between the both of us flowed, I had my reservations prior to this meet up that it could potentially be awkward, but thankfully, he was actually quite engagining and chatty.

After this meal, we went to get the coffee, it really wasn't anything too special, getting Egg Coffee from Ton Coffee is like getting a cup of Latte from Starbucks, I mean it is good, but not really something to shout about.

We headed over to Marina Bay Shoppes as we both sipped on our drinks, and ended up in Penhaligon to smell some perfumes, they were actually quite nice, but the price point is the same as LV, so I was defintiely not going to be getting my hands on a bottle anytime soon.

After this, he told me we could visit this perfume shop at Arab Street that has been around for a while now, and I was really excited to pay them a visist, so we ended up WALKING all the way to Arab Street FROM Marina Bay Shoppes!

It was definitely not walking distance, but thankfully the weather that day was cooling, so we didn't actually end up breaking into a sweat, but my feet were really tired and by the time we got there, we were both parched because we actually were just talking the entire walk over. Had a cup of Teh Tahrik, checked out the perfume store, didn't get anything from there in the end because even though it was affordable, I didn't really smell anything I felt like I really needed to get. 

We walked around a bit more and then ended up at this cafe where we just chilled and chatted even more, I definitely enjoyed hanging out with him, but I think now that I have return back to a more grounded emotional state, my desire to look for a partner is a bit more controlled right now, so I ended up seeing viewing him more as a potential good friend to meet up with for meals every once in a while.

We have been in touch since that meet up, but the rate of texting has definitely taken a significant dip over the past week, so I am not sure if we would actually end up meeting again anytime soon, it is also Ramadan right now so I think meeting up for a meal would be a bit challenging, since he is going to be fasting until Hari Raya.

12th Feb.

We had a Company CNY Lunch.

My boss has once again given everyone a big fat Ang Pow this CNY, it's not as much as the first Ang Pow I got from him when I first joined the company, but to be getting $1000 is still huge and I am trying not to forget how generous he really is.

That being said, I definitely still want to look for a new job because I have hit the ceiling when it comes to career advancement in this company. I am hoping to join a company that I can eventually retire from and if my boss had plans to grow his business into something much larger than what it is right now, I would be very happy to continue working for him, but after being with him for a little over 2 years, I just don't see that happening.

Sigh.

14th Feb.

My friend came back from Japan, so we were able to attend the gym class together on Valentine's day! I didn't end up pairing up with her for the session though because we were on opposite ends of the gym when we were told to pair up, and since I was literally standing next to someone I had been doing my weekday classes with, and he clearly didn't have anyone he was really familiar with in the class aside from me, we paired up instead, and the session was actually great.

After the class, I went with my friend to Beauty World for brunch, she had send me a bunch of videos the day before of all this different stores that were at the hawker centre and they were stores I didn't even know exisited. 

All I can say is she knows her food becuase this Unagi Berempah was so good! We shared a plate so the portion was just nice for us to be satiated, but not full.

Then there is also this Fried Chicken store which was also really good. It's actually crazy how much fried food we were having in the morning right after gym class, we had pretty much just wasted all our excercising effort.

She also ended up paying for both items, so I told her I will pay for coffee later and we visited Offsite, which was just opposite Beauty World.

She got Matcha, I got myself this Mont Blanc Coffee and a Slice of Bannoffee Pie, her friend that I didn't know, also came like 5 minutes later to join us, it was honestly a bit awkward for me and her friend because ther really wasn't any point for us to really get to know each other since we will only probably only see each other that one time and never again, so after I was done with my coffee and pie, I excused myself and just let them catch up with one another.

I had my time with my friend, figured I should give her friend some one on one time with her as well. I headed back to Beauty World and got some desserts to go, then headed home.

The goodies my friend got me from Japan, some drip coffee packet and a small box of pistachio cookie.

15th Feb.

Had a really impromptu meet up with another friend on Sunday.

He was bored, I had nothing on, so I figured why not, and we ended up grabbing Matcha after having a meal at Chinatown Point! 

I had this Matcha place that I really wanted to try called Cremie Sippies, kept seeing them appear on my TikTok page and I was honestly a bit skeptical about how good their matcha would be considering how cutesey the whole aesthetic of the cafe was, it just didn't look like a place that would have good Matcha, but I was actually surprised.

They used a lot of Matcha powder, I actually had trouble sleeping that night.

Headed over to Vivo after that because my friend wanted to get new clothes for CNY, he looked for his stuff, I found myself just lingering in ZARA aimlessly after I was done sniffing all their perfume and then just left the shop and walked around Cold Storage for a while. Clothes shopping is a really boring affair if you are not actually getting any clothes yourself.

Came across this scent that I really really like from Zara, didn't end up getting it because my wallet is still recovering from my Diptyque purchase. I did some research when I got home and realize this scent is actually a collaboration with Jo Malone, so now I am actually quite interested to get a bottle for myself. It's an ocean and sea salt scent, which is something I have been trying to look for and add to my collection for a while now, the only thing I wasn't a huge fan of is the pepper notes. Longevity wise, I think this one last longer than their other dupe inspired perfumes, I can literally still smell it on the test strip almost a whole week later, so it's definitely something worth considering. 

  Before we called it a day, I also got a tin of Pineapple Tarts to fuel me for CNY.

CNY Break Week 16-21 Feb.

I had a 1 week break during CNY, the company was closed on Monday - Friday.

Monday

I went for a Fitstop class in the morning, and then joined one of the regualrs for breakfast because his company had closed for the week as well so he didn't have any plans. He is my go-to partner in all our gym classes, but I don't know if I would actually catergorize us as friends, he is just a very extroverted person by nature, so he can talk to pretty much anyone in class, that is a trait I am actually quite envious of because my introverted ass is constantly struggling when the class is too big.

Anyways, we had breakfast at Ya Kun, chit chat quite a bit, it was nice to actually have breakfast with him, it felt like we were on our way to becoming friends.

In the evening, I had reunion dinner with my family, so I was able to see my baby nephew and he is always a joy to have in the house. 

Tuesday 

My family has stopped doing visitation for a long time now, so we had zero plans on CNY Day 1, no gym classes were avaialble that day as well, so my family spend the day at my Sister's place instead. 

 

Had lunch that we bought from Westmall, choices were quite limited, and then my Sister made dinner for us, it was a very chill day.

Wednesday 

The day started with a Fitstop class in the morning, they had 2 sessions opened, both were morning slot, the class was bigger than usual, I think to allow more people to join, it went from the regular 18 max per class to 24 per class. 

That regular that I went for breakfast with on Monday told me he was on the waitlist for this class, but that his usual shenanigans is he will still go for the class whether he actually got in or not, so he did, which resulted in the class having a total of  25 people that day.

That would have been fine, if not for the fact that we had to pair up for the last execercise, and because we had an odd number of members, someone wouldn't have a partner, and that person ended up being me. One would then question, why didn't I pair up with my go-to partner then, well, I was standing a bit too far away from him when we were told to pair up, so by the time I tried to establish eye contact with him from the other side of the gym, I already saw him fist bumping another person.

I ended up pacing on my own, which worked out fine in the end actually.

After class, my family lunch at home, so my Nephew came by again, along with my Grandma and one of my Aunt. It was nice to be able to play with my Nephew twice in a week.

Thursday

Nothing going on on Thursday, I did go to Decathalon at Clementi Mall to get more gym clothes, figured I could use more so I can actually attend more classes per week.

Friday

Another gym class in the morning to start the day, but instead of going for my usual 7am class, I decided to go for the later, and much quieter 8.30am one instead since I had no work and I really needed to take a break from the 7am crowd after that massive 25 people class on Wednesday.

The class on Friday only had 6 of us, it was so nice to actually be with such a small class again. 

After class, I got dessert from Beauty World before heading home, then left home in the afternoon hoping to get a haircut, only to find out the salon was still closed for CNY, so I got some snacks from Jason's Marketplace instead and lunch from Burger King, then headed home.

Saturday

Morning class, usually would be with my friend, but she had errands to run so she ended up going to another outlet and I had to attend the class at my usual outlet on my own.

I feel like the need for social validation whenever I go for this gym classes died after the not so great social experience I had on Wednesday. 

It made me realize that I don't really have any go-to friends in the class, and I should just accept that and not go to this classes and worry about whether that, I should readjust my approach and actually focus on the fitness aspect of the class rather than the social aspect of it. 

I feel like I have been overthinking this whole social aspect thing when I go to class, and become so hyperaware of how awkard and alone I feel during the sessions on most days that it has affected my ability to actually enjoy the clases for what they are.

I am there to be surrounded by people so I don't feel socially isolated, and I am there to stay fit, to be able to make friends there would be a bonus and that is a bonus that just hasn't happened yet. Most of the members there are friendly, but I haven't met anyone whom I am comfortable enough to really call a friend yet, except for my Secondary school friend, who doesn't really count because we were already friends before that. My go-to gym partner didn't attend the session today and honestly, after my Wednesday class, I have also come to realize that he is my go-to, but I am not his, so there is that revelation.

Anyways, the class was a bit iffy today, I grouped up with a bunch of new faces I have either seen very rarely or never seen before, the exercise program was a bit confusing and I just feel like I didn't get to really push myself much physically because I was just confused half the time. 

We had Lo Hei after the class as well, I really should have just left before the Lo Hei started because I found myself just awkwardly standing around on my own waiting for the whole thing to start, people were busy chatting with their own clique, I was told to help one particualr group take a group photo instead of being asked to join them for a photo, and then when the Lo Hei started, I did the Lo Hei, but didn't eat any of it, went to wash up in the toilet because someone got too excited and flung a bunch of it on my hand during the tossing, the whole experience was really really uncomfortable because I felt so out of place.

It reminded me of the first Dinner and Dance I had to attend back when I first joined ID4, granted it wasn't as painful but the vibes were similar.

I would usually try to find a familar face after class ends and then just say goodbye to them for whatever reason, but today I honestly just could not be bothered to, there were way too many people around and I just wanted to leave as quickly as possible, so I just walked away really quickly. Got myself a cup of coffee from TOMORO Coffee and then headed home.

Sigh. My social anxiety is really starting to ruin this whole gym experience for me.

Saturday well spent.

Spend the morning at a Fitstop class, had some concerns about going for weekend class alone for the first time (because I have always joined my friend for weekend classes) as the classes are always packed to the brim, but after experiecing an almost packed class during the the weekday session the past week, I think I kinda got used to it.

That being said, I still had a lot of anxiety about it the night before for some reason, but the class itself went really well and it's always invigoraating to start the day with excercise.

Met up with Zo later in the aftenoon for Matcha and catch up, we were supposed to meet around late morning, but there were some army related stuff that he had to deal with, so we only ended up meeting late afternoon instead.

We went to Rituals of Kora, this is literally my third time there, it's a good spot for Matcha but not exactly a spot I would keep going back for, so that was a bit excessive, but Zo had seen me posting about it on my Insta-stories and wanted to pay a visit, so I decided why not.

Got ourselves cookies and Matcha, duh. 

I had offered to pay for this meal because he had just came back from Korea/Japan not too long ago and brought back presents for me. 

The main item I had met up with him to collect was the Blue Elephant shades, this is the exact pair I had wanted to get back in Korea, but couldn't decide whether to or not until it was too late, and whilst he was in Korea, I noticed that he had posted about getting a pair of Blue Elephant for himself, so I shared with him about how I had missed my window to get it and congratulated him on getting his, to which he immediately offered to help me get the pair I had wanted, and so here we are.

I had wanted the shades, but I think a bigger reason I accepted his offer to help me get the shades was that it would give us another reason to meet up, not to rekindle any romance, but just purely to have a reason to meet up again as friends.

Anyways, Blue Elephant shades were what I was expecting, the rest were extra surprises, the biggest one being the small carton of Matcha he had gotten for me from Japan.

We stayed at the cafe for a bit, did some catch up there, but because the cafe was a bit crowded that day, I wasn't too comfortable sharing about my own Korea trip experience with him, so I kept telling him I will share more during dinner.

Popped by Orchard, did the usual perfume stops to smell a bunch of perfumes at Ngee Ann City, so the usual Diptyque and Byredo, walked around the mall a bit to look at random stuff before he suggested we go to a pasta bar for dinner.  

So we headed over to tipo Pasta Bar at Waterloo, 

We got ourselves pasta and a side to share, the side was fried Lasanga, it was a lot of pasta and it was quite filling, but it was a good meal.

This was where I started ranting to Zo about my Korea trip with Drew. 

It felt a bit weird talking to him about Drew because I pretty much started seeing Drew about 2 weeks after Zo called things off with me, but one thing about Zo is that he is a very good listener.

I shared what happened during the trip and, with everyone I have shared this experience with had a universal reaction of just disdain towards Drew, Zo was no different, he was shocked and he was upset for me me and I guess this is my way of  taking "revenge" against Drew, by painting him in that negative light to other people. To my own friends who will probably never meet him, and to people in the community who may potentially see his profile on Hinge, so that they will steer clear away from him.

Anyways, during my sharing, it got a bit uncomfortable because the table next to us had diners as well and I really didn't want complete strangers hearing stories about my dating life, especially because of the context of it all, it's weird, but it was a bit too late to switch seats, so I just tried to talk a bit softer, unfortunately, I think they were still able to listen in on my rant and I did not enjoy that, was kinda annoyed at how the staff didn' spread the diners out a bit more sparesely, there were literally seats around the resturant that they could have been seated at, but the waitress had to slap them right beside Zo and I. Sigh.

Zo and I stayed in the restaurant for a while because I was talking so much, I had to do a lot of setting up for the story to do in order to be able to help paint a fuller picture for him, and because he was such an engaging listener, he was also asking me a lot of follow up questions during my sharing and it just felt really therapeutic chatting with him, it's feels like I am talking to a therapist. 

After dinner, we walked over to Bugis for dessert, had originally wanted to go for Chinese Dessert, but the queue was long, so we opted for Ice Cream instead and landed at Tom's Palette.

This was when it became his turn to rant, but his was more about work, so I did my best to offer a listening ear.

We were only technically only allowed to dine in for 40 minutes, but I think we ended up staying there for a little over an hour, no one chased us out so we just overstayed our welcome and chatted as much as we wanted.

After this, we called it a night and made our way back home because it was already past 10pm, close to 11pm at that point. I really enjoyed meeting up with Zo, he reminded me how fufilling it had been when I was actively dating someone, whether it was him or Drew (during the early stage when he was still consistent).

I tried using Hinge again after our meet up, matched with some people, but I honestly don't think I am all that ready to get back into dating game because the moment I swiped my very first match, I started having all these expecations again that I know the other person will not be able to fufill, at least not at the start, and it is just so mentally exhausting to think about having to go through all the vetting again.

Random Updates and Photo Dump

Entering my fitness era, which is probably like 15 years late compared to peers my age who were doing it when they were in their 20s, but it's better than nothing.

Decided to join Fitstop because this is where one of my Secondary School friend frequents as well, she mainly comes for the evening classes and I prefer the morning classes, so we actually have only had 3 class together on the weekends ever since I joined a month ago. 

One of my friend replied to my story that I had posted about going to Fitstop, and said he would give me a maximum of 5 sessions before I call it quits, well I am about 13 - 14 classes in now, and I will say the classes have been great, but there are definitely moments where I feel like I am not pushing myself hard enough because I am not feeling as exhausted as everyone else in the class after the session, and almost everyone else in the class are a whole lot fitter than me.

My introverted self is definitely still struggling to initiate proper conversations with the regulars there, there are a few friendly ones whom I will usually Hi Bye before and after the class with, but I have yet to make any new friends there.

There has also been a steep increase in the number of gym-goers for my 7am  morning slot, what used to be a class of a maximum of maybe 4 - 6 people have now doubled because the main group from the first 6am morning slot have decided to come in at 7am. I get that the point of this gym classes is to have a lot of people to motivate one another, but honestly, I just feel a bit overwhelmed when I am surrounded with so many people that I am not close with thanks to my social anxiety.

Hopefully this can continue for the long run because I really do want to get into better shape, not too big, but enough definition to shed the skinny fat aesthetic that I have going on right now.

Random Photo Dump / Life Updates.

13th Dec.

Wanted to try out the newly opened Chick-Fil-a with a friend, but the queue was insane as anticipated, so I had already prepared a second option even before we met, I knew we were probably gonna end up visiting Sides, that also had a lot of hype when it first opened, but that hype has since died down.

Honestly decent for what it was without the need to queue, the chocolate shake was actually really good because they were using good quality dark chocolate ice cream.

After our meal, since we had no plans, I decided to look for a Matcha cafe nearby and realized Calligraphy was just a short walk away.

Had really wanted to give this place a try since I started getting into Matcha, so this was a very pleasant surprise.

Pistachio Matcha Latte and Apple Pie, it was not bad, but I would have probably preferred either a plain one or strawberry one a lot more. The cafe itself was surprisingly quiet for a weekend, so we just chilled there for a while and I remember making plans with my Sec School friend on Instagram to join her for a weekend Fitstop Class.

Headed to Suntec after this because it was also walking distance, found the Strawberry Puree in Donki, got a few packets, and then we walked so much afterwards within Suntec, I was honestly in a pretty bad mood during the latter half because the cafe we had wanted to take a break in was packed and I really really really needed a seat from how sore my legs were.

We did eventually just settled for a seat in the Foodcourt and then zoned out until we both had recouped enough energy to go back home.

Anyways, this was pretty much how that Saturday was spend.

20th Dec

Went for my very first weekend Fitstop class, it was the first time I attended a full class, so that was really overwhelming and I would have backed out if it hadn't been for the fact that I had booked this class with my Sec School friend.

She was definitely a lot fitter than I was, a bit of a bummer that we didn't really end up catching up much during the class because we were busy getting our asses kicked by the exercises, which I actually ended up enjoying. She did however told me that we could catch up again during the next Saturday class over brunch, so that is something to look forward to.

After the class, I went home to shower and then made my way over to Yen's place for a Christmas lunch with her husband. 

I had been hoping for a bigger group of people and she had planned to invite our ex-colleagues from the furniture store, just so everyone can have a catch up session with each other, but sadly, they were all busy, so she had no choice but to just invite me only.

Her home was quite Christmassy, she actually got a real Christmas Tree from IKEA, so there was this natural scent of whatever that tree was just wafting throughout the house, and then this is her little dog just chilling under the tree.

I wanted to have a "Christmas" looking meal, so I got a Christmas set from Kenny Rogers, it was way too much for 3 people, but I was glad I ordered this.

Anyway,s I also opened up to Yen about my Korea trip with Drew, and essentially came out to her while her husband was in the toilet taking a shower because I wasn't so sure if I wanted to come out to him as well. She offered a listening ear and I think like most friends whom I have come out to and shared what actually went on with Drew in Korea, she just told me to forget about him because he was never going to make a good partner.

It's so nice to be able to actually vent about Drew to friends and have them validate my feelings about him.

Sadly, Yen had a work appointment later that afternoon, so we only ended up only hanging out for 2 hours before I had to leave.

21st Dec

Met up with someone I had matched with on Hinge, we had matched many months ago around the same time I had matched with Drew, but this isn't a date, I met up with him purely as a friend, so there were zero expectations.

I visited Rituals of Korra again, he had reached out after he saw me post about my last trip there and asked when I could go with him, so here we were.  Total damage was $30, which is to be expected when it comes to having Matcha at a nice cafe.

We had a meal at the nearby Hawker afterwards and had a good chat about random topics we could think of, it didn't feel too awkward, which was great. I think because I came into this meet up with no expectation of meeting a potential partner, the whole expereince just didn't feel as initmatidating.

After the meal, we dropped by Elijah Pie. I have tried their Pisatchio Pie before and I really liked it, and since it was literally just beside the Hawker Centre we were at, we popped by, but not to have dessert there since he had another meeting with a bunch of friends and I had a family Christmas dinner to attend to that evening.

I got myself a full slice of their Ceral Milk Pie and also a box of 9 mini tarts for the Family Chrismas Dinner later that evening at my brother's place.

The dog ended up climbing on the table during dinner and attempted to eat the only chocolate tart that was left in that box of 9 minis I had gotten.  Also one tart is missing because my Mum helped herself to a piece at the start of the dinner.

24 Dec and 25th Dec

I had wanted to book a Fitstop class on the 24th Dec, but they only had 2 morning classes that I couldn't attend due to work, so I didn't end up booking any class in advance.

Then my boss announced on 23rd Dec that Christmas Eve will be an off day for us as well, so when I woke up that day, I was contemplating whether to go for a session or not and ultimately decided to make a booking for it literally an hour before the class started.

I really had nothing else planned the entire day, if I didn't attend the class, I would just be home doing fuck all, so it was so much better to at least do something productive that day.

I couldn't join the first class because it was packed, and the first class was where all the familiar faces were, so I didn't really enjoy this class very much in the end because I just didn't enjoy the company of the particular group of people in the second group that day. That being said, I didn't regret going for the class because of the endorphins it gave me when the class ended.

Christmas day had nothing on as well, and the gym had no lessons that day, so I pretty much just stayed at home and played Wuthering Waves or doomscrolled on TikTok. I avoided Instagram as much as I could because a part of me knew if I started seeing people's stories of them having their Christmas parties, I will get a huge sense of FOMO.

27th Dec

Joined my Secondary School friend for our 2nd Fitstop session together.

It's actually nice to go for the session knowing I have a friend whom I can talk to when I reach, my main struggle visiting the gym now is going in and not actually having that "go-to" buddy for me to talk to and team up with.

After our session together, we went for brunch at the nearby Hawker Centre and it's just nice to chat and catch up with one another. This was definitely one of the better classes I had just because I am in the company of an old friend. It made up for the not so great session on Christmas Eve.

Officially done with Drew and with dating...until next year maybe.

I have finally decided to call things off with Drew after he blocked me from seeing his stories again over the weekend while he is currently on what I am assuming is a Bali trip with a date... maybe? 

I had already decided in my mind that we were never going to work out after our Korea trip together, so I hadn't really initiated any more dates with him since we came back, and neither did he. The last time we texted was on Tuesday, I still make it a point to reply to his messages within the day, Drew on the other hand has not replied back to me since then, so it is safe to assume that interest on both side have started to dwindled since then, he has been a huge fucking disappointment during and after the trip. 

This whole blocking and unblocking thing is just....weird, so when I noticed that last night as I was just scrolling through his profile, that he had done it yet again, it was honestly a bit triggering because I don't like how he feels the need to have to constantly hide things from me, and how comfortable he has gotten with it, this is the third or fourth time that has has blocked me. 

He has this habit of lying, he shared me with how he lied to his Mum about leaving Korea on the same day as her when in reality, he had taken a bus ride back to Seoul right after his Mum checked-in to the departure hall because he was gonna stay a week longer (that I had joined him but then this fucker ditched me for half the trip), he also lied to his bosses about how his flight got delayed so he couldn't come into work the next day, even though he was the one who had booked the red eye on purpose to maximize his time in Korea (but didn't bother to try and maximize his time with me)

The flag just kept getting redder and redder the longer I know him.

Back then, I thought it was funny and would laugh with him, but that was because he was not lying to me, if he could lie so easily to his Mum and his Bosses, and was so proud of it, of course he is also capable of doing that to me, and he did! 

He may not have outrightly lied to me with this recent happenings, but blocking me from seeing his stories to shape a specific narrative in my mind about what he was doing, withholding certain information, and using that lack of information to lead me to assumptions that weren't true. That is lying with extra steps of manipulation, and it is actually insane when I think about it. All the stories he told me about his exes and how they were the problem, I now honestly find it hard to believe that he is actually completely innocent in all of them.

I kept the text that I send to him very civil, told him I have felt us getting more and more distant ever since the trip, and that what we had has probably come to a natural end, I wished him the best yada yada. I had originally wanted to wish him a fun trip in Bali, just to throw him off a little as a final jab, but decided I didn't want to be so mean spirited about it because I just want to end whatever we have amicably.

With this, I think it is also time for me to just take a break from online dating, it has been extremely exhausting emotionally to be meeting so many people with the intention to find a partner, but then have none of them work out in the end. The depression that came with it was the last thing I was expecting, but nonetheless, it was still nice to have finally experienced how it is like to be dating, even though I haven't really found someone that I genuinely developed actual, healthy feelings for yet.

Hopefully 2026 will be much better and I can actually find a partner organically offline and not online~!

Update 8/12 :

He replied back and we have managed to end things amicably, I appreciate being able to gain closure from him so that is a win for my mental health.


He still has me blocked from seeing his stories though, and apparently, that Bali trip is a company trip, which makes me question even more why he feels the need to hide it from me, it's just really really weird, 

Had to run through this with ChatGPT to see what the AI thought and it offered me a point of view that sounded like it made a lot of sense...

He claimed he was swamped with work, that's why he didn't contact me for the past week, but then he is posting stories of himself in Bali for a getaway trip with his colleagues (and I have been blocked from seeing any of this), that doesn't scream "too busy to text back", if you have time to go for a trip to Bali, that means you have time to reply to my messages, be it on the ferry on the way over, or in the hotel room at night before you go to sleep, which is something you could have done when you were still in Singapore as well, there is always time to reply back because not being able to find anytime in a week to text back is just bullshit, the only question is whether you are willing to allocate that time to reply back or not, or are you gonna use that time to do other stuff, he has clearly stopped putting any effort to text back and the "too busy with work" excuse is just flimsy at best. 

Anyways, my petty ass is also just gonna block him from seeing any of my stories from now on, until he decides to unblock me.

That being said, he was a super fun guy and I genuinely did have a good time whenever we went on our dates, but he is definitely not an ideal long term partner that's for sure, I have never felt comfortable really opening up to him like I did with Zo, and in that regard, I think he wasn't never able to fulfill that emotional reliance that I would have liked in a partner. I have can add new red flags that I do not want to find in the next person I do go out with, plus he also wasn't very cheap to date and I need to save money for my gym membership and also future renovation.

Please send me someone who is low maintenance and consistent the next time around, hopefully third time will be the charm and the third person I meet will have the qualities that I seek.



Music that will remind me of this period, from the Korea tip to this "break-up, calling things off" moment

I thought it will be Taylor Swift's latest album, but I have been listening to that so much that I don't thin it will reginite this specific memory when I revisit it many months or even years from now, so I think the one music that will remind me of this period will probably be...

Olivia Dean - So Easy (To Fall in Love) 

 

Some self reflection (ChatGPT helped rewrite my feelings, thus the different writing style)

I spent the past few days using ChatGPT to untangle my emotions.

And honestly? It’s grounding.

It feels almost absurd that I once paid $180 for therapy sessions, watching the clock tick by, when this little space with an AI has given me room to breathe, to think, to unravel myself without hurry.

In reflecting, I’ve begun to make sense of the men I’ve met on Hinge:

• Zay → sparked a Limerence I couldn’t contain.

• Zo → steady, caring, reliable.

• Drew → lighthearted, fun, fleeting.

Each marked a chapter in a story that began with loneliness—a quiet ache filling my empty office.

My office is nearly always empty. Quiet, yes—but not peaceful. The silence echoes, heavier than it should. When Yen left at the end of last year, the quiet became pressing, urgent. That’s when loneliness stopped being background noise and became sharp, insistent.

I turned to dating apps seeking warmth, connection—anything to fill the empty space. That’s when I matched with Zay. I remember sending him a “rose” and feeling my stomach flutter when he matched and started a conversation. For the first time, someone I liked felt like a real possibility. But Zay was inconsistent, distant, elusive. He became the spark for a Limerence that consumed me completely.

June was dark. Confessing my feelings—and being left on read—froze me. After a lifetime of being single, the weight of hope, expectation, and desire landed heavy, unanswered, unresolved. I finally understood the depth of depression: hollow emptiness, helplessness, the fear that you might act recklessly simply because life feels unbearably heavy.

Then came Zo. Everything Zay wasn’t: attentive, considerate, reliable. And yet, every act of care pulled my thoughts back to Zay. I didn’t see Zo for who he was; I saw him as a balm for a wound I hadn’t tended. He, too, carried his own past. Eventually, he stepped away, and I understood why. We still keep in touch, and he will forever hold a place in my heart.

When Zo left, Zay crept back into my thoughts—until Drew appeared. Lighthearted, fun, open to intimacy. For a brief stretch, it felt effortless, like sunlight warming the cold corners of a room. But over time, I realized our conversations revolved mostly around him—not because he was self-absorbed, but because I wasn’t ready to open myself. He filled the space with stories about himself, his family, and his past relationships. He was fun, yes, but not someone I could lean on emotionally. The Korea trip revealed his unreliability, and his silence afterward made it clear: whatever existed between us had quietly dissolved.

I healed from Drew quickly—almost too quickly. I didn’t mourn him as I had with Zo because he lacked Zo’s consistency, and in many ways reminded me of everything I disliked about Zay. That’s when I realized he had been another bandage over the wound Zo had once been mending. Only now, without distraction, do I feel that wound beginning to close.

Honestly, I matched with Drew for emotional stability. And if he offered none of that, he completely lost all appeal. He didn’t score high in the looks department either, so if he wasn’t giving me the stability I needed, then what good was he?

A friend recently saw a photo of Drew and was surprised I had gone for him. I explained: he has a great body, even if he isn’t conventionally attractive. In Singaporean slang, he’s a “Prawn”—someone you’d keep for the body, not the face. Crude, yes—but maybe fitting. My choices back then were driven less by clarity and more by hunger—for company, attention, anything to distract from emptiness.

Over the past week, Drew stopped contacting me. For the first time in a long while, I had to sit with my feelings alone. The sadness hit hard. I wondered if I missed him—but I didn’t. I missed having someone to fill the void. That realization hurt—but it was honest. Later, meeting a friend for dinner gave me a small sense of grounding.

Talking with ChatGPT helped me see it clearly: I had been using Drew and Zo to try to get over Zay, but I never truly allowed myself to heal. I was piling patches on an old wound.

Then today, something shifted. The sadness I’d carried for months felt lighter, almost gone. My mood returned to baseline—not excited, not elated, just calm. I’ve gone back to just being bored with life, but no longer weighed down by any sadness.

I think I’m finally stepping into a mental space where I could be ready for a healthy relationship—built on compatibility, not to fill a void. But first, I need time. Time away from the apps, to settle, to return fully to myself.

Maybe I’ll meet someone who fits meaningfully into my life. Maybe I won’t. Maybe I’ll stay single—and that might be okay.

For the first time in a long while, that thought doesn’t frighten me. It feels strangely freeing.

Standing on the other side, I finally see the pattern—the distractions, the longing, the bandages. They all make sense.

And the healing that’s only just beginning? For the first time, it feels real. I am here, with clarity, finally ready to face myself—and whatever comes next.

Yesterday's date and attempting to reconnect...

After this whole Drew situation unfolded, I went on Hinge again to start swiping with new guys and I ended up going on a date with this one guy whom I shall call Sam.

It honestly wasn't great, Sam didn't have a very good personality and I just found it really hard to vibe with him because of the way he was also talking to the service staff at the restaurant we were at, it was really curt and just overall quite rude. He wasn't very nice to chat with while we were at the restaurant and it felt like he wasn't very interested to listen to what I was saying most of the time.  

We did end up going to his place after the date because he lives very close by, didn't do anything because I was just really not attracted to him at all, so we just chilled on his sofa and he did try and get a bit touchy by resting his head on my arms, while he was scrolling through his Instagram, Telegram and Hinge apps, talking to the guys there.

It was really weird.

But I just watched him chat with everyone and then he showed me his schedule for the week and it was just full of dates, he has a date everyday for the entire week, with a different guy! At this point, I started to realize that he saw this date very differently, I had simply been there to help him kill time, because he stays alone and it gets lonely, so he fills that void by meeting and inviting different guys over everyday.

I usually try not to talk about past dates with current dates because it just feels weird, but after seeing the way Sam approaches his dates, I just really wanted to rant about Drew, so I shared the story about Drew with him. He was actually quite attentive as I was sharing this story with him and it felt really nice to be able to rant, Sam told me how Drew is giving a lot of red flag vibes with the hiding and lying, and told me I should just have an open conversation about things, which is actually quite different from  he advise other friends have given me, which is to just drop Drew completely and move on.

Sigh, anyways, I eventually left his place at around 11pm, which is really late and we really didn't do much, most of our time was just spend with him replying to the plethora of guys he was chatting with on the dating app.... and of course my rant about Drew. I didn't bother to contact him after I left his place, kinda didn't see the point, although he did tell me I was invited to boardgame night with the rest of his friends this Friday at his place. I told him I had to go feed my friend's dog, which may sound like a badly made up excuse, but is actually true.

I also reached out to Billy, the gaslighter, today, because even though things did became really weird at the end,  I felt like we really did have a good connection at the start and I just wanted to try and explore that again.

Well, he actually replied back to me and we had an amicable conversation, he told me how things felt weird at the end and asked what had happened that made it weird, I didn't say it was because he was being super weird but told him it was probably me who made it weird (even though it was really him), I send him a really really long text to explain, which is a bit much I feel. 

But at the end , he told me he has no desire to rekindle what we may have had because he is already in a committed relationship with someone. 

He managed to find a partner within one month, that's crazy fast. I have to admit, a part of me felt like this was such a missed opportunity, if I hadn't committed to visiting Korea with Drew, I wouldn't have felt obligated to continue seeing him until the trip was over, we would have probably stopped seeing one another after our fourth date, and I would have probably been able to shift my focus to Billy instead at that time, but because of that damn Korea trip, I remained in contact with Drew instead of Billy, hoping I could work something out with Drew, but as we know now, nothing came out of it and I am still being blocked by Drew from seeing any of his Insta-stories. 

I chose something so unstable over something that could've been stable and this decision is going to haunt me for a while. I will say that I am very happy to have reached out to Billy and resolve any hard feelings that had been had between us, but we did not choose to follow each other again on Instagram and instead just wished each other well, which I think is for the best as well.

The Dates with Drew

Drew hasn't texted me much since our return to Singapore and I am now in the midst of trying to process this to be the eventual end of whatever we had.  

Anyways, I have decided to also just write a post detailing all our dates together because I realized I never wrote about them when they happened. And I guess this is also a way to help me process my feelings and try and remember the positive times we had.  

-----

Drew and I had matched with one another after Zo called things off with me, and I would say we hit if off really well online, he was someone I was actively chatting with whilst I was on the cruise and we made plans to meet up the coming weekend after my trip was over.

 21st September

He recommended we meet at this placed called Caracara because he had been meaning to try out their items.

I had asked if he wanted to meet at the MRT Station first so we can head over together, but he told me we could meet directly at the restaurant instead.

I remember he came quite early for this date, and spoke to the waiter beforehand about the food offerings they had, it was honestly a great start, and he was also really chatty, which really helped cut down the awkwardness that comes with every first date.

This was everything we ordered, and I was surprised at how much food we actually got for the two of us because when I go on dates, we would order a main for ourselves and a drink, this table had that as well as 3 sides.

The total bill came up to $200, I offered to pay for this meal and it was the first time I had to fork out so much money on a date. I remember thinking how unrealistic this was, because if every date was going to cost this much, there goes my plan of saving up for my renovation. I was also fresh out of my break up with Zo, so I couldn't help but compare the price difference between the dates that I go on with Zo, and the date I was currently on with Drew.

After we were done with our meal, we were supposed to drop by Kyo Teahouse for Matcha, Drew works at the building where Kyo Teahouse is located and told me it was closed on Sundays, this was according to the staff he had asked, so we made our way over to KADA instead. Drew was sweating so much during this walk it was actually insane, he was literally dripping sweat just mere minutes after walking out from the restaurant.

We explored KADA abit, took their old school lift in the building and went all the way up to the top floor before slowly descending down via the stairs to make sure we could explore every part of it.

We then settled for this Matcha joint on the first level and got 2 drinks, 1 Matcha and 1 Hojicha, I think. Drew paid for these. The cafe was really packed when we visited, but after we ordered our drinks, one table that was located at a quiet corner of the cafe freed up, so we took that and started chatting. 

I remember he was telling me about how he had once gotten some muffins from Pretty Good Muffins, and was so disappointed because they were really dry, but decided to get a bunch for all his colleagues at work to try anyways, which I thought that was such a nice gesture, until he told me he had made them all PayNow him the money for those muffins. He had essentially gotten everyone dry muffins that none of them asked for, and then made them pay for it.

I was so tickled by this story I started tearing up from laughing because he said it in such a straight face, like it was completely justified. I think this was the moment when I started to get really comfortable around him because if you can make me laugh this hard, it means you are doing something right.

After this, he told me he was planning to get a new book at Kinokuniya, so I tagged along and went to Ngee Ann City with him where the both of us just started wandering around the bookstore, and he proceed to share more about himself and his love for dinosaurs, I was teasing him a lot and we just threw jabs at one another throughout our time there. 

Walked over to ION after he was done getting his book and we headed over to Zara to look at clothes that he wanted to get for his upcoming Seoul trip. During our time in Zara, he would put clothes up to himself to see how they look in the mirror, and then pull me to his side and see how we looked together, he also kept teasing about how it is "our" Korean trip because he had told me how he will be spending the latter half of his trip solo as he couldn't find any of his friends to join him and that I could come join him. I wasn't too keen at that time since this was only our first date, and as well as it may have gone, it could all be a one off thing, so I didn't say yes yet.

This was also where I got my LV perfume dupe, which has really shitty longevity.

My mood was lifted tremendously after this. I have been meeting new people after Zo and I called things off, but those dates had been really awkward, so to have finally met someone and have such amazing chemistry and banter on the first date, that is so rare and I couldn't wait to see him more, so right before we parted at the MRT station, we made plans to meet again the next week and the thought of having plans with him next week just made my life feel like it had some kind of meaning again because it gave me something to look forward to.

28th September

Our second date was at AIR CCCC at Dempsey Road, this was another spot he had wanted to try and it was a really nice place.

 

I remember reaching the place a bit early, and ended up visiting some apparel store while Drew was still on the way and when he arrived, I headed to the restaurant to find him.

He was wearing a thick white sweat shirt then, which I thought was crazy because of how hot it was, but then he did eventually take it off to reveal a black singlet underneath.  

We had ordered 2 set lunches, so it came with 2 appetizers and 2 mains, I can't remember what this were, but they were not bad. 

Some chicken that he had picked.

And Kimchi Grilled Cheese that I picked and regretted a bit because of how cheesy and just filling it was.

We were sharing food, so the both of us tried everything we ordered and it wasn't as good as Caracara, but the place was really nice, he paid for the food this time around and it also came up to about $200. Again, crazy expensive dates that we are going on and I was also painfully aware that he has expensive taste.

I knew his family in Manilla was quite well off, so there was definitely pressure on me and I kept wondering if I could actually keep up with his lifestyle. He talked about his ex and how his ex had gotten him a $5000 designer handbag for him once, although to be fair, that was after he found out his ex had cheated on him, so that $5000 bag was his ex's apology.

Anyways, I digress. 

For desert, we headed to Mr Bucket Chocolateries that was also in Dempsey, and had some BonBons as well as a drink.

It was a nice spot, I really enjoyed their chocolate drink. (Not pictured), when I get Chocolate Lattes at cafe, the one I got to drink at Mr Bucket is what I always expect, and when cafes give me milk with chocolate sauce, the disappointment is always immense.  

Fun Fact : So I was still actively swiping and matching up with guys on on Hinge during this period of meeting Drew, and I actually matched with the Interior Designer who designed this space. It was such a coincidence, unfortunately, that match has since decided to unmatch with me on Hinge, unfollowed me on Instagram and also remove me from his follower list because he claims our chat had gotten weird after I told him I wasn't comfortable talking about my other Hinge dates with him.

But back to Drew.

We visited a few art galleries after this, or maybe it was before I cannot remember, and being the two uncultured individuals that we were, we started making random comments about the art pieces because we are idiots. I found myself getting into another laughing fit there because of some random and out of pocket comment he had made.

I just felt like he was such a keeper if he could make me laugh this hard, two dates in a row.

We walked around Dempsey a bit more, visited a pet supply store and also a furniture store before making our way over to Golden Mile Plaza to get some Matcha that Zo had brought me to on my first date with him, and I really wanted Drew to have a taste of it for himself.

Drew started asking me about my love life in the cab on the way over to Golden Mile, and I was sharing with him my past relationship with Zo and also how I had gone through Limerence with someone else before Zo, but I also remembered how uncomfortable I was talking about my relationship stuff with other guys, in front of a middle age uncle who was definitely listening in on us, so I didn't really share too much in the end.

Got to Golden Mile and headed over to Rookie and Huas, we got Strawberry Matcha and Taro Matcha. I had wanted him to try the Banana Pudding one, but sadly, that was sold out, so this was what we had instead.

The way Drew's eye lit up when he took the first sip, I felt like I had accomplished something amazing because he was so impressed, he claimed it was the best Matcha he had ever had in Singapore and I was so proud to have actually introduced him, a foodie, to it. Although to be fair, it was another foodie who introduced me to it.

We had good seats, so again, we just started talking, mostly him sharing about his life. Then we made plans for our next date the following week, I recommended we just hang out at his place, since he lives alone, and we can just watch Dinosaur movies.

It was after this date did I decide I was going to join him on his Seoul trip. If the first 2 dates were already so good, the thought of us just hanging out together in Seoul on a 5 day date, it would be amazing! (I thought, but as we know, Seoul is a little under 2 months away from this date, so I also had my concerns way back then that things could change between us) 

5th October

I didn't want to go to Drew's house empty handed, so I made a trip down to Haus, right before they open, to get us Matcha and Banana Pudding. The store did not open on time and I remember being the first there, only to have my queue be cut by this old Aunty because they are all really shameless like that.

2 cups of Matcha and 2 cups of Banana Pudding, Drew was so happy when he was me carrying this. 

We also ordered Fried Chicken from Grab Food.

I had shared with Drew about my decision to visit Seoul with him before meeting up, so during our time at his place, I had wanted to discuss about the trip in a bit more detail to try and firm up places we could visit together. I shared with him how I was going to be staying at Myeongdong and he told me he would be staying there as well,  it was all really exciting because our hotels were walking distance from one another. 

I thought about how easy it would be for us to meet up, for us to hang out the entire day, for us to be able to come back to Myeongdong together and still have our own personal spaces in our separate hotel. Little did I know how much disappointed I was setting myself up for by having those wishful thoughts.

We pretty much just Netflix and Chilled the entire day.

I went to my brother's place after this to see my nephew, and I just remembered of good of a mood I was in the entire evening because of Drew. I felt so happy.

No future plans were made at the end of this date, so we did not end up meeting the next week since his Mum was going to visit him then.

19th October

We made plans to meet again on 19th October when his Mum went back to Manilla.

I told him to introduce me to some Filipino food since he is half Filipino himself and we ended up coming to this place at Cuppage Plaza. He had visited this place before and said the food was good, when I went there, it was crowded and there were a bunch of Pinoys singing Karaoke and being really really bad at it.

He had visited this place before and said the food was good, when I went there, it was crowded and there were a bunch of Pinoys singing Karaoke and being really really bad at it, like singing off key and completely butchering the songs, one of them was even singing a kid's nursery rhyme, it was the so fucking hilarious I once again found myself in another laughing fit and I felt so bad because I was literally crying laughing in front of the people who were singing the song because of how bad they were at it.

I had such a good time there because of that. Drew did apologize to me as were leaving the place because he didn't expect it to be so crowded, when he came it was always really nice and quiet, but I told him it was fine and I had fun because of the good laugh I had from it.

We then made our way to Kyo Teahouse, so the thing is this shop is actually opened on Sunday as well , the staff had given him the wrong information previously, that's why we went to KADA for Matcha duringour first date. So for a while, we had a running joke that the next time when we visit this place, we will both give the staff a piece of our mind.

Drew recommended to get the drink with a scoop of Ice Cream, so I got my Hojicha with a scoop of Ice Cream. I didn't like it.

Again, we got down to chatting and I think it was during this meet up when I first started to notice that maybe we weren't as compatible as I had thought we were because our conversations that we were having were mainly about him and his work, his family, his exes, his friends, and I don't mean that in a selfish, talking about himself way, but I just don't find myself being very willing to open up and sharing much about myself with him.

Our conversations felt really surface level, they were fun, but it didn't hit deep. 

This was our very last date that we had in Singapore, we still kept in constant contact with each other via Instagram, but when I tried to initiate a meet up before his trip to Seoul, he would always come up with excuses, like he was sick or he had work, so we did not meet again until 12 Nov, almost 3 weeks later.

That lack of desire to want to meet before his trip to Seoul was also what made me anticipate Seoul to be the be all end all of our relationship, it would either elevate us to the next level or be the end of everything, and sadly, it proved to be the latter.

We went on a total of 4 dates in Singapore and 2 proper ones in Seoul. He is super fun to be around and I will definitely miss that about him, but the way he acted in Korea has made it very clear that he is not going to be a good partner material, and with that, comes the end of our chapter together. 





I have been using ChatGPT to try and craft a "break up" text of sorts, it is surprisingly useful! Anyways, on the the next match on Hinge! 

Total Amount I have spend going on Dates with Drew 

(including our Korea trip and all wardrobe I had to get with it)

From 21st September - 18th November

$4222.62

He is not a cheap guy to date!