Paranoid.

"Don't ever go and take a look"

That's what I tell myself in my head over and over again whenever I am tempted to see something that I know will be bad for me, like my grades... 2girls1cup.... kiddy porn.

After taking a look at whatever it is, I will just feel like crap for the rest of the day, or if it's 2girls1cup, feel scarred for life for the next few weeks... or feel afraid that parents will find me and kill me on the spot with their own collection of pornography

So today, I decided to browse something on the webby to feed my forever curious mind, and I saw something someone I know wrote, and I'm always feeling like everyone's talking about me because I like to believe the world revolves around my gravitation pull.

It's twisted because what some people say are seriously just very dark.. like..

"Sometimes when I see your face I just want to stick it into a mixer and make a face smoothie. And then I will throw that face smoothie away to show how worthless you really are."

Not directed at anyone, let me clarify. I'm not a person who thinks of dark thoughts, Smoothie isn't dark, it's healthy and nutritious and who knows, you might have a yummy face.

So after reading that, I get extremely paranoid and start thinking of what I have done to piss that person off so much.

And my train of thought will go like this....

Is it my face? Can't be my face, I look AMAZING for a 20 year old.

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I gave that person a bar of chocolate just a few days ago to thank him/her for the help, I really had no idea he/she will have explosive diarrhea afterwards because of an allergic reaction.

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He/she spoke to me like 2 days ago, sure we had a great talk until he/she decided to go for lunch.

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That little bitch, if anyone should be pissed it should be me. He/she poured coke on my new pants a few days ago, he/she said it was an accident but I THNK NOT!

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Oh.. I knew it, I knew he/she had a problem with me right from the start, he/she's been trying to sabotage me since day 1.

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2 can play the same game. Wanna play "Insult the Anonymous", fine. "It's so sick to see some people's face sometimes because some people are just so sick to see."

And then the very next day, the person who wrote that dark post comes up to me and jokes with me about the post he/she wrote, and that its directed at someone else. By the way, the whole thought process that goes on usually happens within like a minute.

Then the whole process repeats when I see another similar anonymous post and I get even more paranoid. Which is why I have to discipline myself to never see other people's tweets. By other people I mean those who are always very negative and might be randomly insulting anyone. <- because such people exist in my head.