The first time I went for my Company's Annual Dinner, I had only joined the company for 3 days, so I didn't know anyone there and the whole experience was just extremely uncomfortable, but since then, a year has passed and I have grown closer to some of my colleagues as well as some of the contractors that were also invited to the event, so I knew for sure the experience now won't be as bad as it was then.
I reach the venue relatively early and was having small talk with those who were there as well, not really having any insightful or deep conversation, but at least I was chatting with people and not awkwardly standing at one corner trying to avoid everyone.
As the minutes went by, more and more people started coming in and that was when things got worse for me. I am not someone who flourishes in crowded gatherings, in fact, when thrown in such surroundings, I will automatically become reclusive and avoid the area where the crowd is gathering, which resulted in me sitting at a corner of the gathering/mingling space and looking through my Social Media, hoping that the Dining Banquet Hall will quickly open and finally allow us to enter.
So for the seating arrangements, there are a total of 16 tables, 3 of which are VIP tables reserved for the staff of my company and the other 13 are just regular tables for the contractors and suppliers. When I was told to sign in, I have to admit, it was honestly kinda shit to notice that due to the lack of seating available in the 3 VIP table, I was relegated to the regular table with all the other suppliers, but not just me, 4 other colleagues were also bumped down to the Non-VIP area, one being a new guy I did not speak to the entire night because I am awkward like that.
Now, if everyone in the VIP table had a high sales track record or some sort of seniority in the company, then fine, I will admit my sales figure are horrendous and if the seating arrangements are based on how much one has contributed to the company, I really have nothing to say, but the fact that one girl who had only joined the company less than 2 weeks ago, who hasn't racked in any sales, was actually seated in the VIP section over the 5 of us in the non-VIP section, 4 of whom are more senior and have higher sales record than her, it just doesn't feel like a justified arrangement.
I mean I get why she is seated there, she is friends with one of my senior colleague, so the person-in-charge of the seating probably wanted to get friends to sit with one another and I am sure they have no ill will when they decided to bump me down to non-VIP, but the sodium crystal is real, I am a little salty about it.
But otherwise, the dinner itself was alright, I was really bored at one point to be honest because even though I was seated with a colleague I have no problem starting a conversation with, the giant speakers that were situated right behind where I was seating just killed any mood I had for conversation, to be competing with the emcee,who, on top of having a mic, is still projecting her voice, I just can't deal with the potential...
"Huh?"
"What?"
....from my colleague, to the eventual...
"Mmm hmmm" followed by a patronizing smile, which is when the person just gives up trying to catch what you are saying and just assume everything you are saying is a rhetorical question or some kind of funny comment.
I went thinking things will be different, was actually looking forward to it a little, got disappointed when I realize I'm just not someone who will be able to enjoy such event, stayed for the lucky draw, won the small prize, then had no choice but to stay until everything was over and was probably the very first person in my company to leave the event.
Honestly am not sure if I will still be working in the company till the next Annual Dinner, I mean I really enjoy my work schedule now, or at least I don't hate it, still can't stand it when customers start messaging me at night or really at anytime of the day to complaint about their renovation progress, but I have grown fond of some of my colleagues' company and most importantly, I enjoy not having to report to work at a specific time every weekday, that is the best part about this job, but with that flexibility comes a severe lack of income.
I have completed a few projects and only recently decided to have the finance accountant tabulate the bills and calculate the total commission, so I will be expecting to get a total commission of hopefully $8,700 very soon, if I have not miscalculated that is, would be great to get it before Chinese New Year, add that to the red packets I will be receiving, hopefully my savings account will revert back to the amount I had a year ago.
A little over a year and I only made a total of $10,000. This is almost like I am back in the army and drawing an allowance, it's not even really considered a pay. That being said, I am looking forward to the month of June, hopefully I will be able to draw another $10,000 in commission then, should all my projects run smoothly without any hiccup, running smoothly would be a huge overstatement though, so far most of my projects have brought me nothing but anxiety and it seems to get worse.
Every time I think...
"The next project can't be as difficult as this one."
... BAM! I get a never heard before, not really a problem, bullshit issue I have to deal with.
It is very disconcerting to have worked for a year and see the numbers in my savings account slowly dwindle away, had I stayed and worked for my Dad, I'm sure my savings would have probably doubled by now, but then I wouldn't have gotten any legit work experience, so there is a give and take in this situation I suppose.
Would love to look for a new job, but I really do not enjoy discussing it with anyone at this point because I am still legit confuse as to what I would actually do should I decide to no longer dabble in the line of sales. I mean I for sure am not going to be in this line forever, this career is just not right for me, evident from my lack of a paycheck, it's just a matter of when I will leave.
Every time my Mum ask me...
"Has the company paid you yet"
... it's sort of like a wake up call for me, that this is a job, that I am suppose to be earning an income, but for some reason, 1 year into the job and I am still not making a single cent, aside from that $1000 I did earn from a small project.
I really am waiting for all my projects to end before I really start looking for a new job, complete all my projects, receive my pay, relax in the company for another month whilst looking for a new career and once I have found the right one, finally say my goodbyes and leave the company and this line for good.
It's hard to really quit thought, I was honestly not expecting anymore new projects for myself after the last one I got in December, but then I was suddenly inform by another customer that they wanted to engage me for their renovation. It honestly baffles me when a client decides they want me to run their project for them, I mean I appreciate the fact that trust me enough to run the project for them, but I just really don't get why they would pick me as a designer, it's odd, especially for this particular client because I really didn't put in any extra effort in their initial proposal or actively contacted them regularly to beg them to hire me, the reason why they finally decided to engage me was actually due to a misinterpretation they had of me in an email I had replied to them, answering a few questions they had for me regarding the renovation.
According to the husband, he had actually shortlisted me and another designer from another company, and he send both emails to that designer and myself. Since I didn't really want to run the project for them, I actually did not bother responding, thinking that that should be enough of a hint for them, but then the wife started texting me for, asking me if the email was ready, so I responded and answered their questions in the email without really bothering to let them know if what they had requested was feasible or not.
Well, apparently, instead of giving direct answers back to my client, the other designer replied with even more questions of his own, I didn't ask my clients exactly what the other designer asked, but it was enough to turn them off , so I am not sure if that designer was asking legit questions about the feasibility of their requirements, or if he or she was just plain annoyed and wanted nothing to do with my clients.
At the end of the day, I would say no one really won.
1. I got a project I didn't want.
2. My client got a designer who wasn't interested in their project.
3. If the other designer had asked those questions out of legitimate concern and my client completely overlooked it, I would honestly feel really sorry for my clients.
But if I were to be optimistic, then....
1. I got a new project!
2. They got an inexperienced designer, that means there's a chance for the quotation to be miscalculated, leading them to actually save more money. And as someone who doesn't really like to charge my customer for any additional renovation works, they will potentially be saving even more money, which once again proves why I am not cut out for this line of work.
3. The other designer legitimately didn't want to run the project and he got what he wished for.
Well, the new project is slated to start next week, already applied for the permits and everything, but my clients are really bad at replying to my messages so I am not sure exactly how smooth this renovation is going to go.
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