Medical Check-Up

Today was the day that would decide my fate for my NS days. Initially I was feeling quite alright as I entered the place, there were a moderate amount of guys awaiting turn to enter the various stations for their check-ups.

First station was to test my hearing where I tried to fake partial deafness. Didn't work because I didn't do enough research pre-checkup on how a person with partial deafness would react to sound. Followed by the eye-check up which I aced... and they say staring at the computer screen for an prolong period of time forces you to wear glasses. I'm living proof that that is a myth. I'm in no way responsible if you actually go blind from staring at your computer screen for too long.

Next up was X-Ray. Stand in front of a machine and press your bare chest against it with your hands to your back while the person-in-charge humps you from the back and tells you to call him Daddy.

After which was the station I was dreading the most, the blood taking station. Damn needles just freaks me out. Whoever started the lie "Like ants bite only, not pain one." obviously is a masochist, at least define the type of ant because those ants that I squash on a daily basis do not sting like a needle does. Now there's this red spot on my hand that looks like I got bitten by a fire ant.... or syphilis.

Dental was next and it was funny when the guy started telling his assistant all the fillings that

were found in my teeth....

"Upper-row fourteenth, verniers

"Bottom-row, fifteenth, cheap fillings from Malaysia"

"Top Left corner teeth, not erupted."

After 2 minutes he just punches my entire mouth to makes his life easier.

"Colour everything black, these kid doesn't have any teeth."

By the way, the cheap filling from Malaysian is not a lie, it's really cheaper there, albeit uglier but who cares when your teeth is already jacked up.

I can't remember if there were anymore station but I'm guessing after that dental one was the one where I had to enter a room, remove my top and join all the other half naked guys. Wasn't a pleasant sight at all... I felt a little uncomfortable to be honest because I was the only one who was turning everyone on. There were boobies here and spare tires there it was very very confusing.

Looking back now I should have told the Medical Officer all the "medical problems" I had. I was trying to be discreet and not over do it because if the MO finds out you are faking your conditions or exaggerate it... you might get get screwed in the butt... and I didn't need that because my ass was still sore from calling the X-Ray Station guy Daddy.

In the end I got a PES B because I was, according to the Medical Officer "Too thin and had eczema, which isn't that serious," <- I'm not The Apprentice material because Donald Trump would be so disappointed in me, like how I am at myself now.

Why B? Why B?

Once Bitten Twice Shy.

Today I had to do a presentation in school that I wasn't aware of. Thankfully my group-mates did a few slides and decided to give me some to pass of as my own which made me feel really bad. I blame my Final Year Project.

So whilst presenting the slides, the class, as usual, was filled with a bunch of students who are spirited away mentally and being someone who's desperate for attention like the whore that I am, I decided to do something even worse than giving a two dollar blow job.

I made a joke, which in my mind at that time thought was funny. Not "LOL" funny but I was thinking it might get a few chuckles from people who are feeling sorry at my attempt of making a terrible joke and are laughing to avoid that awkward silence.

My aim was to explain what contrast means and I wanted to give an example. In order to allow the lifeless bodies of the students in my class to understand better what it meant... I made a stupid analogy that went like this...

"I have 2 food. A Burger and a Salad. When I eat the burger, I will feel full and fat and if I were to eat a salad, I would feel good about myself and still be hungry. Contrast."

Not so funny now that I am reading it over again so obviously no one laughed because they didn't really know that the sentence was even meant to be a joke.

After which I said....

"Great... I made a joke and no one laugh."

... in a very annoyed tone because I just bombed in front of a bunch of people I was trying to perk up, right after that I heard someone going "Huh?".... her spirit suddenly came back to her body for that one second to go "Huh?".

I just wasted my breath on a bunch on people who don't get sarcasm. FANTASTIC.

And then I realize this scenario happened before... twice. Because I tried too hard on an audience that don't get it. Obviously the saying (blog title) doesn't apply to me because I'm desperate attention seeking man whore who would do anything for a laugh from the audeince.

A certain type of CAN'T

I feel like I have to disclaimer here... I'm not talking about Women in general... just the small group whose actions make them look like a certain private part that helps in the process of creating life.

I've always been fascinated by girls who like to provoke guys to do things by questioning their manhood...

"Come'on, do it. Be a man."

"You have no balls to do it? And you call yourself a man."

And by fascinated I mean a great distaste towards such woman.

It's one thing to tell a man to do things for you because you really need help like telling them to lick your elbows because you can't reach it with your own tongue... but it's another to tell a guy to do embarrassing things or things that will land them in big trouble just to entertain you .

Just today, I had one female classmate telling me and another guy friend of mine to test out some machine that we shouldn't be touching and being someone who knows what's right and wrong... I just smiled at her direction, shook my head and declined her offer to try out that machine... and her retort...

"You are GUYS... No balls."

The more girls like her provoke me by telling me nonsense like ...."And you call yourself a guy." or "Dude, be a man and help me.".... the more I won't do what they tell me to. I don't have to prove anything to you...I'm gonna grab a ball and shove it up your... and now you have more balls than me.

Don't be a f*cking cunt.

It's so freaking annoying when certain girls treat guys like their personal slave and tell them to do things in a very condescending manner....

"My handbag very heavy, carry for me !"

"Open the car door for me."

"*cough* *cough*.... *looks at chair*... * cough* *cough*"

Unless you are carrying a unisex bag... Think... Your boyfriend might start appearing on STOMP because a guy and a LV Monogram Multicolor Women Bag doesn't look good on a guy. You want them to be more "MAN" but you make them carry a women handbag because you hands are about to break from carrying your bag that has your make-up ,wallet, handphone, a giant elephant and a 100 kg dumbbell.

And apparently because the bag's so bloody heavy you hands are too tired to open the car door... its a guys job to open the car door or pull out the chair for the girl because it's "chivalrous"... that's why it's the chauffeurs and waiters that always gets the ladies.

If a girl were to demand me to "Open the door for me because you are a guy."... her ass is gonna meet the floor when we are at the restaurant.

Guy will pull out the chair for you to sit because it's our duty as a guy to help you ladies get seated first and not because we're your personal slave that needs to do everything for you.

Get this in your f*cking head.

To those dumb girls who have such a mentality....

WHY ARE YOU NOT IN THE F*CKING KITCHEN MAKING US A SANDWICH!

Churros

Getting a silent critique is probably like taking that first puff of smoke from a cigarette... at first you feel really dirty and take showers every 5 minutes until you become a life size scented car freshener. That was a terrible analogy because I don't smoke so I don't know how "awesome" it really feels for your lungs.

Although that being said, my critique session in school yesterday wasn't really a silent critique, the late comers still had to present, but after that we had a whipping session at the principal office bondage style... read the last line as "Points Deducted"... and I was thrown to the back of the line. A typical Singaporean would've been pissed off but I'm not because I'm very gracious plus that's not KOI so screw it.

I guess the only problem I had with critique yesterday was the body language one of the lecturer was giving me...

" Wow, your models are so small... what's the scale. 1:2000?"

"It's 1:200"

*Sighs deeply, shakes head and looks away.*

... because size matters, it's what every woman wants, a dick long enough to bust their entire digestive system during penetration.

For the record, a smaller model doesn't equate to one that has less effort because it took me about 100 degrees off my near perfect eyesight to complete the models. And as time went by she decided to turn her sarcasm up like a few thousand notches... and being in such a formal situation and probably the most important moment of my life for that one day, I couldn't fight sarcasm with sarcasm... although I'm pretty interested to see how that will turn out... she will probably sigh really deeply and look away.

It wasn't the worse critique ever, which is shocking to me because to everyone else, the latest critique session they had will probably be the "worst one ever".... not for me though, probably because the last one had me crying myself to sleep.

My latest endeavor after my Macaron mania was to follow a Nigella Lawson recipe so I decided to go ahead with this one...

It's essentially a Churros recipe that Nigella has managed to dumb down like crazy... and I thought it would be easy to make it because if Nigella can do it why can't I?... then I realize she isn't Martin Yan.

She lied about the "250 mils of Hot Water"... I think she added only like 3/4 of a cup which is like 3/8 of the original one that was called for. I added like 125 ml of water and the whole thing got so wet... and when I piped it out from my piping bag, the piping bag started leaking because the batter was not as dry as the one in the video.

That's like the best way to get people to buy your book, you give them the wrong ingredients measurements on TV and psych them up enough to go crazy and obsessed over the ingredients because they might have heard it wrong. Of course I'm referring to those who have no idea how to use the internet or didn't add Youtube to their Facebook... not literally of course but I am pretty sure every internet users will add Youtube to their friend list somewhere unless Youtube ruined their life.

So to add to my list of cooking failures.... Nigella's Churros Recipe right next to Macarons among other inedible experiments of mine.

I was actually watching a movie called "Stone" earlier but I got bored of it so I decided to go Wikipedia to read the synopsis to see how it would end.

No one added a proper synopsis because everyone's as bored as me when they watched the film... so it's not me or Milla Jovovich boobies. She had a topless scene... I got bored.